


Is It Too Much To Ask For Something Great

by Angelsgrace



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Abandonment, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Experienced Harry, First Time, Loneliness, Louis in a kitten costume, M/M, Peer Pressure, Slight homophobic language, University, Virgin Louis, nobody likes change, physical violence referred to, slight racist language
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-12
Updated: 2014-09-13
Packaged: 2018-02-08 14:14:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 31
Words: 86,969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1944267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Angelsgrace/pseuds/Angelsgrace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis Tomlinson had wanted university to be exactly like college with his boyfriend and best mate.  How much can he take before he breaks.</p><p>Nick Grimshaw wants to have a more adult relationship with his boyfriend.</p><p>Stan Lucas is sick of being in Louis' shadow and he doesn't care what he has to do to get out of it.</p><p>Harry wants the beautiful boy who's happy and in love with someone else.</p><p>Or:<br/>How much can I torture Louis before Harry makes it all better?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Come On, Bring Everything

When Louis Tomlinson applied for University of London he had solely been thinking of how good their academic reviews were. Would his grades be good enough to be accepted? How easy was it to get on site accommodation? Could he financially afford it?

He didn’t think about how far away it was from the house he grew up in. How far away he would be from his mum and dad, his half brother and half sisters, who he wouldn’t be able to see every day.

Apart from his best friend Stan Lucas, who he had been friends with since their first day of school, and his boyfriend of two years Nick Grimshaw, he would be leaving everyone he loved and cared about behind him. Louis couldn’t even start to imagine how much he was going to miss everyone and everything that made him feel like home.

Nick and Stan were useless when he tried to explain how lost he was suddenly feeling. They just clapped him on the back, laughed at him and told him that he was being silly. That they were embarking on a great new adventure and he needed to grow a pair and man up! Not helpful!

The date they were due to leave hurtled closer towards him, and the precious time that he wanted to spend with his other friends before they all separated to different parts of the country, cuddle with his little sisters whilst he still lived with them, and hang out in his favourite places in Doncaster, had to be pushed to the side so he could pack up his room and finalise his living, travel and financial arrangements.

Louis had thought, that once all the details had been ironed out and he was all ready to go it would put his mind at rest and he’d be able to look forward to this new chapter with as much enthusiasm and excitement as Nick and Stan. He tried hard, but the nagging feeling didn’t go away.

 

It was the night before they were due to leave. Nick had taken Louis out for a romantic meal at his favourite restaurant. Nick had worn his trade mark black skinny jeans, black dress boots, black shirt and his smartest leather jacket, with his thick black hair styled into a catwalk ready quiff that Louis just adored on him.

The whole dinner had been filled with gentle hand holding over the table, soft candle light, Louis melting inside as Nick’s dark brown eyes took in everything about his adorable boyfriend - from his tight red jeans that accented his curves to perfection, to his feathery soft caramel coloured hair was delicately swept into a side fringe, slightly getting in his brilliant blue eyes. Louis loved to impress Nick when they went out together and took extra time getting ready, making sure he was wearing his favourite black shirt and red braces to match his jeans, nothing pleased Louis more than feeling Nick’s appreciative gaze on him, liking what he saw.   
After all, it would guarantee that Louis would be getting lots of kisses and cuddles later on.

After dinner, Nick had driven them up to their favourite grassy spot high on one of the hills overlooking Doncaster.   
It was a place they would frequently visit when they wanted time alone together and Louis’ heart beat a little faster with anticipation as Nick opened the car door for him, took his hand in his and led him to the blanket he had spread out on the grass.  
Still standing, Nick pulled Louis towards him into a cuddle, almost hiding Louis inside his leather jacket.  
“You look so beautiful tonight” he murmured into his hair as he dotted little kisses on his forehead, stroking the back of Louis’ neck with his index finger whilst his other hand slid over his well toned shoulders, down his back and stopped when it reached the generous swell of his bum - both the sight and feel of it always making Nick feel giddy and so god damn horny.  
It took seconds for desire to take over and Louis to find himself flat on his back on the blanket with Nick leaning over him, pressing his body against his own.  
Louis’ eyes fluttered shut and a low moan escaped his lips as Nick passionately kissed down his neck, both of his hands now squeezing his bum greedily.   
“I love you so much Lou” breathed Nick trailing kisses along his jaw towards his mouth “You don’t have to worry about anything with me around”  
He captured Louis’ mouth in a kiss before he could even respond, but his kisses told Nick everything he needed to know. He could feel it in the way his arms were wrapped tightly around his back, his legs were squeezing his hips and how his tongue was fighting with his for dominance as they passionately kissed.

Nick had been Louis’ first everything - his first date, his first kiss, his first boyfriend and although Nick was much more experienced when it came to relationships and boys, it was always a massive turn on for him every time Louis let him explore him a little bit more or show him something new. It would only be a matter of time before Louis let him have everything.  
“You know what I’m really looking forward to most babe?” asked Nick as he pressed slow long kisses on Louis’ cheeks, both of his hands still gripping tight hold of his bum.  
“What?” murmured Louis nuzzling his nose against Nick’s tenderly absentmindedly wiggling his hips, making Nick grip his cheeks more firmly.  
“Getting you all to myself” Nick playfully growled and pretended to bite his neck. Louis giggled wiggling around once more as Nick tickled his sides until he was gasping for him to stop.  
Laughing himself, Nick sat up and pulled Louis so he was sitting between his legs, leaning back against his chest, Nick’s arms around him and his chin resting on his shoulder.  
“We can have breakfast together” Nick was whispering “We can stay out as late as we like, check out the live bands together. We can do whatever we want”

For the first time, Louis felt so happy, content and so full of hope - his heart almost bursting with how much love he felt for his amazing boyfriend. He tilted his head to the side and gave Nick a spontaneous large kiss, not rushing to remove his lips, trying to convey exactly how happy he was feeling in that one simple gesture. And by the way Nick’s eyes were sparkling as he finally pulled away, he knew he had told him perfectly.

If university was going to be anything like college had been - Louis couldn’t wait to get started.


	2. Chapter 2

When Louis arrived for the first time on campus the following afternoon, he was pleased to say that the anxious pit in his stomach had been replaced with excited butterflies.

It was a gorgeous sunny day, he’d found his accommodation with next to no trouble at all and was pleased to say that it looked even better than it had done online.

Heversham Hall was a modern multitoried dorm with a lush green expanse of grass in front with a car park behind. It’s halls were filled with talk and laughter and scores of boys and girls and their friends and family carrying everything from large boxes to life sized cardboard cutouts of Johnny Depp.

Louis found room 28 and quickly bundled his two suitcases and rucksack inside, glad that he had decided to pack lightly when he saw the small amount of space he had to play around with. The room was a reasonable size, and was mirrored exactly. On each side there was a small single bed, a desk, bookshelf, built in wardrobe, small chest of drawers and a bedside table. There was also a small door that led to a tiny bathroom consisting of a toilet, small sink and a shower cubicle.  
Overall Louis was considerably happy with the arrangements. Now all he had to do was wait for Stan to show up. Humming happily, he started to set up his computer wondering how Nick and Stan were getting on.

 

“You coming with us Nick?”  
Nick shut the drawer he had been filling with clothes and turned around. He’d spent so much time getting introduced to the other guys on the floor that he’d just started to unpack.  
Josh Devine, captain of the basketball team, was standing in the doorway of Nick’s room. Behind him, several of the other team members were talking and fooling around.  
“where are you going?” Nick asked.

Ashton Irwin, the teams undisputed star, poked his head over Josh’s shoulder “We’re going to this great cajun place a few miles up the road. You’ve got to come Grimmy, you haven’t lived until you’ve tried their chicken”

Nick stared at them suddenly confused. It couldn’t be time for dinner yet. He felt like he had only just got there.  
“What time is it?”  
Josh looked at his watch “It’s seven amigo”

Seven! Nick couldn’t believe it. Only a little while ago it was four o’clock and he was going to drive over to Heversham Hall and look for Louis. But then another bunch of guys had arrived, and they’d all started talking, and then a couple of guys had gone off to unpack, and that had seemed like a pretty good idea….

Nick hesitated, looking at the grins on the faces of Josh and Ashton. They were great guys. He really wanted to hang out with them some more. And he was starving for some chicken. But what about Louis? He was probably expecting him to eat with him tonight.  
“Come on Nick!” shouted someone else from outside the door “We haven’t told you the end of the story about our final game yet. You’re gonna loose it when you hear what Hood did!”

On the other hand Louis had Stan and they had probably gone to dinner already without him. Louis always got hungry early. He decided he didn’t need to feel guilty about Louis. He was fine. If anyone was to feel guilty. It should be Louis. It obviously hadn’t occurred to him to invite him to dinner with Stan. Besides, Nick really wanted to find out what Hood had done.  
“Okay” Nick agreed, reaching for his jacket, shoving his brand new phone into his pocket with his keys and his wallet “Sounds great”  
As they piled into the lift, it crossed Nick’s mind that Louis didn’t have the number for his new mobile yet. He should really give him a call, just to make sure he was alright and Stan was there with him. But as they got into reception, Ashton caught up with him.  
“There’s no reason for all of us to take cars” he said “why don’t you come with me and I can fill you in on all the things you really need to know about life here”  
He grinned “Like which of the clubs have the fastest girls”  
Nick wasn’t sure if Ashton was joking or not, but he didn’t want Ashton to think that he wasn’t sophisticated enough to be interested in fast girls…he should really correct him on the girl part. It might make introducing his boyfriend a little awkward!  
However, Nick just smiled back. “Why don’t I drive, so you can concentrate on talking”

As he walked towards the campus coffee bar Stan Lucas couldn’t help thinking how lucky he was. He’d only been on site for a few fantastic hours and already he had made friends with Zayn Malik, one of the most popular and coolest second years on campus. Stan couldn’t stop himself from smiling to himself as he strutted across the lawn. Because Louis and Nick had each other, Stan didn’t really have anyone to share his own excitement with. Now he had met Zayn - who was three times more popular than Louis had been - who knew everybody who was worth knowing and had already dated almost every promising girl on site.  
Stan caught sight of the clock tower. It was almost six thirty and he had agreed to meet his new friend at six thirty, to watch a jazz band play at a local bar. He ran as he came up the path to where the bar was, but as soon as he turned the corner he slowed down. When he walked through the doors to the bar, it was with the step of a man who had seen it all. He stopped just inside the entrance, keeping his expression slightly bored, but inside he was bubbling with enthusiasm - just like Zayn showed on the outside.  
He swept a hand through his dark brown hair. He didn’t have to look to know that he was creating a sensation. He’d spent the whole afternoon practising making an entrance, imitating the way he’d seen Zayn walk and stand and gaze around a room, and so far it hadn’t let him down once. He could feel the eyes sizing him up: the guys with envy, the girls with admiration.

At a table in the corner he saw the unmistakable styled black hair of Zayn’s against the red wall of the coffee bar. He looked as though he must be thinking about something incredibly deep. If it had been Louis waiting for him, Stan would have waved and called out. But not now. He raised his head ever so slightly, just enough to let Zayn know that he’d seen him, and crossed the coffee bar like a model walking down a catwalk, like Zayn crossing a street.

Stan had heard of people who went through their entire lives without ever understanding why they’d been born. There always seemed to be people in TV dramas and the kind of books they made you read in English who had no idea what their lives were about. They spent hours or hundreds of pages trudging around being miserable and wondering why their lives had no meaning. But not Stan. He might only be eighteen. But he knew exactly why he had been put on this earth.  
So he could have come to this place and become this man.  
There was no doubt in his mind. Today had been the most amazing day of his entire life. This was where he belonged. He wasn’t someones shadow anymore. In only a few brief hours, he had met not only scores of new people and made an incredible new friend but had actually been asked out, by not one, not two, but four different girls!

Stan reached Zayn’s table and slid into an empty seat with a groan.  
“Sorry I’m late”  
“No worries mate” Zayn replied easily “Did you get lost?”  
Stan grinned “No, I just kept running into really cute girls who wanted to chat”  
Zayn threw back his head and laughed “We were destined to meet” he smirked “If I hadn’t bumped into you at the gym, we would have met somewhere else”  
Stan nodded in agreement.  
“What are you doing tonight?” Zayn continued “You should come over my place and hang out with me and my mates. They’re a good laugh”  
Stan agreed instantly. Fantastic. He was actually being introduced to Zayn’s inner circle. It did occur to him that he still had no idea where his own dorm room was. He had been so busy checking out his new surroundings - finding the gym and meeting Zayn that going to find his room had completely slipped his mind. He might have to call Louis later to let him in. Of course. Louis would probably be staying at Nick’s tonight, and he knew Louis always turned his phone on silent when he was with his boyfriend. He just knew they were going to be inseparable now they had the freedom to do whatever they wanted. Maybe he could just crash at Zayn’s. Work out his living arraignments in the morning.

 

Outside room 28, Heversham Hall was full of talk and music. Inside room 28, the only audible sound was the ticking of Louis’ watch.  
Louis, sitting on the edge of his freshly made bed, hands folded in his lap, glanced at himself in the mirror on the back of the wardrobe door. He knew that anyone who saw him sitting here would assume that he was about to go out for a good night. He had painstakingly styled his hair up into an elaborate quiff, that may have looked like he had rolled out of bed, but in reality took a lot more effort and hairspray than advertised. He was also wearing a brand new pair of tight dark blue jeans, black t-shirt with thin white lines stitched across the top half of it and a brand new stonewashed denim jacket. His phone and wallet were sitting beside him.  
“Well they’d be fucking wrong” he said out loud scowling at his reflection “I’m not going anywhere!”

For the twentieth time in the last forty minutes, his eyes turned towards his phone, checking that it was on, he did have signal and the volume was working. He couldn’t bear to look at his watch again.  
Laughter like gunshots echoed down the hallway. As far as he could tell, everyone who wasn’t out at some special event on campus or in town was having a party in his dorm. A party that he wasn’t invited to.  
Louis sighed and took a quick look at his watch. It was nine. Nine! That meant that he had been sitting here, waiting for nothing for two whole hours!  
After he had unpacked all his belongings, made his bed and decorated his side of the room with band posters and photos there had still been no sight or sound of Stan. Knowing he didn’t carry around a mobile with him because he was known to break them too frequently, Louis didn’t bother to try and call him, but wait for a little while for him to show up.  
Three o’clock came and Louis began to feel a little hungry called Nick to find out what he was doing for dinner that night. It went straight to voicemail.

“Hey babe, hope you’re settling in alright. You’re meeting me here at 7 right? Like we usually do at home? Can’t wait to see you. Love you bye!”

He’d heard nothing back, so he assumed it was all go for seven. He’d showered, chosen his clothes very carefully and looked online to see what was happening around the area that they could go to.  
He tried to call Nick again, but when it went straight to answer phone once more Louis was so convinced that Nick was on his way to pick him up, that he went downstairs to wait for him in reception. He’d waited until he’d gotten tired of people looking at him as though he was in the wrong place, and then returned to his room.

To make matters worse, one of the girls on his floor had invited him to the campus pub, and a couple of others had invited him to the common room to watch a movie, but Louis was sure that Nick - or even Stan - was going to show up and he didn’t want to miss them.  
“Well I shouldn’t have been so worried!” he told the empty room sarcastically kicking off his vans and flopping face down onto his bed - lying there and imagining what would have been happening if they had all stayed at home. It occurred to him that everything that he had feared was coming true in front of his very eyes.  
Down the hallway, several people started laughing as though they’d just heard the funniest joke in the world.

Inside room 28, it was just about then that the first tears began to fall.


	3. Chapter 3

Louis awoke just about the same time as he had started to cry uncontrollably in his sleep. It had been the same for the past two nights. He’d fall asleep and he would dream that he was back in Doncaster, collecting his little sisters from school, phoning for his favourite takeaway, spending quality time with his best friend and his boyfriend.  
His mind still fixated on aspects of his dream, blinking his eyes open tiredly, sitting up in bed, his heart pounding. “It was just a dream” he told himself trying to calm his breathing.  
He looked around.  
The sun was streaming through the blinds, illuminating the piles of clothes on the floor, the unpacked bags, the stacks of boxes. Boxer shorts and socks dripped off the furniture, even a t-shirt was hanging off Louis’ computer monitor.

Louis swung his legs over the side of the bed and his eyes fell on the other bed, a feeling of annoyance starting to creep back in.  
Stan, in bright ‘The Simpsons’ boxer shorts was spread out on top of his duvet, arm flung over his face and sound asleep. The clothes he’d been wearing last night lay in a pile on the floor, just like he’d stepped out of them. Stan was smiling.

“I’m not going to loose my shit” Louis told himself as he stood up “I’m going to be calm. I’m going to be reasonable and understanding. I’m not a tidy person. This is only bothering me because I’m always here. This is my problem - not Stan’s”  
Calmly he picked up Stan’s denim jacket and hung it on the back of a chair. “See?” he said silently to the pale face that stared back at him from the mirror on the wardrobe door “You don’t have to get upset. Everything’s going to be fine”

Louis wasn’t entirely sure what had happened, but in just two days, he and Stan had driven each other to the brink of insanity. When Stan had finally rocked up midday on Louis’ second day on site, he had said a brief hi, shoved his bags and boxes into the middle of the room, collected his key and then disappeared without an explanation of why he was late or where he was going.  
That stung.  
Yesterday, Stand had called Louis boring for being asleep in bed before he came home. Usually Louis would have seen this as a joke. But the delivery was all off. It was like Stan was mocking him for having an early night (or not having anywhere else to go).  
“Fuck off” Louis had stuttered  
Stan smirked “At least I have somewhere to fuck off to” he replied, then sauntered out of the door and Louis hadn’t seen him again. Until now.

Louis wanted to start all over. He had given it a lot of thought, and he’d decided that it was time for him to be more flexible. To give things a little time to settle down. Stan had been his best mate for years. These were just teething problems.  
After all, it had worked with Nick. Instead of giving him a hard time about not replying to his message and because he had abandoned him the day they arrived, he’d acted as though nothing had happened. He hadn’t told him how he had waited for him that first night, or how he’d cried himself to sleep. And things between them were almost back to normal. Yesterday they had a nice dinner before he had to go off to some basketball meeting. And today they were going to get breakfast together and go shopping for their course books.

Louis finished dressing with a smile, knowing he looked good in his black skinny jeans and tight black band t-shirt. He wasn’t in the mood to spend ages on his hair, so he shoved a soft grey knitted beanie on his head, and toyed with his fringe so it would feather out at the front.  
He felt good. He felt ready for a fresh start. He eyed the mess around him and wondered if Stan was ready too.

Taking a deep breath, Louis went over to Stan and gave his shoulder a gentle shake.  
“Stan, you’d better wake up. We’ve got lots to do today. We’ve got to finish setting up our room, go get some supplies, get your books….”  
Stan rolled over, pulling the covers up over his eyes “Books?” he mumbled “I have no time for books. I have two coffees and a lunch date. I have to get my sleep”  
“Well maybe if you hadn’t stayed out till four in the morning, you’d have had enough sleep” Louis answered, a little less patiently and understandingly than he had intended.  
Stan groaned “Don’t start being a little shit”  
“I’m not starting” Louis replied calmly “I just meant that if you actually spent a little more time here, you’d be able to unpack. You could even put some of your crap away”  
“I don’t want to put my ‘crap’ away” came the muffled reply “I’m too busy right now”

Louis could feel his calm vanishing as he stared down at his best friends star wars sheets.  
“You’re not busy right now” he snapped “Nows the perfect time to discover to amazing inventions - drawers and wardrobes! You’d be amazed how useful they are. They completely eliminate the problem of having to step over dirty, shitty crap to get to the door! And maybe you could put your suitcases in the luggage room, so we don’t have to keep them in here for the rest of the year!”  
Stan only glared at Louis and pulled his pillow over his head “I wish we didn’t have you keep you in here for the rest of the fucking year!”

 

Louis’ stomach growled, and he didn’t blame it. He felt like growling himself. He’d been waiting nearly an hour for Nick and he still hadn’t turned up. His phone. Like always had gone straight to voice mail, and since he’d been here seemed to have forgotten how to text!  
But he knew he would turn up. It was Nick. He wouldn’t stand Louis up again. Would he?  
The queue was quite long, so Louis decided to get Nick’s breakfast all ready so that he wouldn’t have to wait any longer. If he had been running this late, he was bound to be starving by the time he showed up, and it could put their whole day out.

He got a bowel of his favourite cereal and a round of toast for himself, and not knowing what Nick would feel like (he hadn’t answered his text to that question - or any text to that matter -), he got a bottle of orange juice, bagel with cream cheese and a full english breakfast. Knowing Nick he was probably too busy to feed himself properly. Louis couldn’t help but smile fondly at the thought.  
He went to grab a table right next to the doors so that Nick would be able to see him as soon as he came in.

A couple of guys from his floor waved to him as they exited the shop. He smiled back at them shyly, hoping he wouldn’t ruin things by dropping the crowded tray he was holding.

He could feel someone staring at him from a nearby table. Thinking it might have been Nick, he turned -only to find himself staring into the ice-blue gaze of a boy he didn’t know. His gaze was so intense that he bumped into another table in confusion.

Where was Nick when he needed him? Louis sat down at the first table he came to. This was something else about university life that he hadn’t been prepared for. At college, everyone had known that he and Nick were a couple. But here, he couldn’t seem to turn around without some guy staring at him as though he’d never seen a gay man in his life.

Louis munched on his toast and sipped his tea while he waited for Nick. He was really looking forward to seeing him. He’d been so excited yesterday about the basketball team, and all the great guys he was working with that he’d barely been able to tell him anything about what he’d been doing. Not that he minded. He liked it when Nick was enthusiastic about his future.  
Not that he had been doing much anyway. Hanging around. Waiting for Stan to turn up. Hanging around. Waiting for Nick.  
He finished his tea and toast and started on his cereal, getting out his phone and happily replying to a text sent a couple of minutes ago from his sister Lottie.  
It wasn’t as though he had been doing nothing for the past two days. He’d talked to a bunch of girls in his hall yesterday. He’d visited the library and the drama department, he’d signed up for both the written and visual departments of the university news-on-line. In the evening he’d helped make popcorn and nachos with a couple of people from his floor and watch a film.

If he hadn’t have been checking his phone every five minutes to see if Nick had text, wondering where he was, and if he was missing him or not, he might have been able to enjoy himself and the new company.

He checked his watch. No sign of Nick, and the bacon was pretty much talking to him. Maybe he wouldn’t mind if he shared a bit of it, he could always get him some more.  
Absentmindedly making himself a sandwich out of the rest of the bacon, poached eggs and Nick’s share of the toast, Louis got his notepad out of his bag and started making notes on which books he was going to need for his new courses. He was really looking forward to starting them next week, and wanted to make sure he was as prepared as possible.  
He set down Nick’s empty orange juice bottle with a happy sigh as he placed his pen next to a full page filled with his handwriting.  
There was going to be a lot of reading involved, but he knew it was all going to be worth it.

“Lou!”  
Louis looked up. Nick had just burst through the doors and was hurrying red faced towards him.  
“Lou I’m so sorry” he was saying before he even reached the table “I’m so, so, really really sorry”  
He looked sorry. He was probably so exhausted from basketball practice that he’d overslept.  
“It’s alright babe” he said with a smile accepting the hug when Nick offered his arms to him, a sad little puppy expression on his face.  
Nick beamed at him and gave him a small kiss “You’re the best Lou”  
He flung himself into the chair besides him “I totally forgot about meeting you. Ashton took me on a tour of the sports centre and the members only bit, then he took me to get my books at Waterstones. He knew everything that I needed to get! That guy is fantastic! You would love him Lou!”

Louis gulped. His face and eyes felt like they were burning.  
“I thought we were going shopping together?” he asked in a small voice playing with his fingers awkwardly.  
“I know” Nick didn’t quite meet his eyes “I would’ve called you before we went this morning, but it was so early and rushed….” he shook his head “I couldn't have done it any other way. I’ve got practice this afternoon and then I’ve got a meeting at the station and then a dinner with the rest of the radio team to get to know them…”  
He got to his feet suddenly “Come on Lou. Let’s go to the coffee bar and I’ll get us both a tea? I have just about enough time before I have to get back to meet the rest of the guys”  
Louis frowned, trying hard to process everything “But what about your breakfast? I got extra food for you” he suddenly remembered, trying to remember what else he had planned to ask Nick when he saw him.  
Nick laughed “Are you suffering from freshers burnout already?” he teased pointing to the table in front of him. “There’s nothing there”  
Louis looked at the table in disbelief. Had he really eaten all he’d brought? He must have been hungrier than he’d thought. Or maybe he had been waiting for longer than he thought.  
“It’s a good thing I already ate with Ashton” Nick said putting his arm around Louis’ shoulders and giving him a little squeeze.  
“Yeah” muttered Louis, feeling sad, small and insignificant “A very good thing”

 

Stan had gotten into bed smiling. He’d smiled through his sleep and now woke up with a smile still on his lips. What a day he’d had yesterday! Hands down the best day ever!  
Zayn and his friend Niall Horan had taken Stan on a head to toe tour of the campus and the surrounding area.  
He knew where the dealers went to trade, he saw the classroom where one of the history teachers had an affair with four of their students. He'd been introduced to Zayn's best mate Harry Styles whilst having a look around the media building and finally, Niall had showed him where all the decent eateries were and even provided him with rankings. He must be a man who knew his food.

He had also had the pleasure of seeing Zayn’s tremendous two bedroom flat in the most luxurious apartment complex just off site. He’d also been given phone numbers from five new delicious looking girls.  
Stan stretched languidly, slowly opening his eyes. Thank God, Louis was gone. If there was one thing that could stop Stan from smiling then it was Louis.

“I actually don’t know how much of him I can take” Stan reported to Niall and Zayn, over the BBQ steak Niall had cooked out on Zayn’s huge balcony, and a bottle of beer.  
“I’m telling you, I would rather live back at home with my mother than with Louis”  
Niall put down his bottle and used a pair of tongs to turn a kebab “You have my sympathy mate”

Stan had met some pretty cool guys before, but Niall was most definitely one of the best. Naturally funny, charismatic, a good singer songwriter from what he’d heard last night when he pulled out his acoustic guitar, and from the taste of this steak…a damn good cook!

“Last year” Niall continued “I got stuck with this complete dork. He dressed in nothing but brown. Only ever ate seeds and nuts and went to bed at 8pm every night!”  
“Tell him about Mummy!” Zayn urged, taking a lazy swig of his beer bottle and staring to put together a cigarette, smirking.  
Niall rolled his bright blue, sunshine fuelled eyes.  
“Oh God, I swear Stan, every sentence that came out of this guys mouth started with ‘Mummy says…..’ Mummy says you should never eat anything that’s processed…Mummy says that brown is the most harmonious colour…Mummy said a gentleman never raises his voice….It was a nightmare!!”  
Stan laughed “You can’t be serious, nobody could be that bad”  
“You’re right” Zayn commented “He was worse. He used to play this tape of cricket sounds all the time to relax his inner self”  
“By the end of the first week, I wanted to strangle his outer self” Niall said “I still can’t believe I got through an entire term listening to bugs”  
Stan collapsed against the sofa in hysterics, that were quickly copied by Niall  
“Stop it!” he begged “You’re making Louis sound almost human!”  
Zayn licked his the paper to his cigarette to seal it “You know” he said, looking at Stan with a questioning expression in his espresso coloured eyes “I just may have the solution to your roommate problem”  
“Really?” Stan straightened up “What?”

 

Louis staggered through the front glass doors of Heversham Hall with a sigh. For the first time since he had arrived, it actually seemed like a quiet and sane place.  
“I’m exhausted” Louis muttered to himself as he started up the stairs “I’m emotionally and physically exhausted. What I need is some peace and quiet, a nice hot shower and a nice dinner with my boyfriend and a fucking cuddle!”  
He turned down the hall, dragging his feet along, finding it hard to believe that he had just spent close to seven hours of trudging all over London trying to find the contents to his syllabus, he could only get hold of four of the eleven.

The good news was that apart from dinner with his boyfriend - who Louis knew he wasn’t going to see/get a phone call or a text message off tonight - all the things he wanted were accessible to Louis.

There was no way that Stan would be in the room at five forty five in the evening. Stan wouldn’t be back for hours.  
He stopped outside his door with a puzzled frown on his face. He could hear voices inside. Something heavy hit the floor. Louis reached for the handle, when the door flew open and two good looking men walked past him with Stan’s TV carried between them.  
“What?”

But before Louis could finish his sentence, a boy Louis had never seen before stepped out carrying a box in his arms.  Blonde haired and extremely smiley dressed in basketball shorts, tank top and a snapback, he even had a bounce in his step.  
“Alright mate!” he enthused in his attractive Irish accent, bumping shoulders with him because he couldn't offer up a hand to shake “I’m Niall Horan”  
Louis stared.  
“I’ll see how much room is left in the car, if it's full I'll stay down there” he called over his shoulder into the room, he grinned at Louis again “See you around”

As much as Louis wanted to know what was going on, he was almost afraid to ask. He stepped into the room, and straight into a male Armarni model carrying Stan’s rucksack and laptop.  
"Hi" he said in a quiet, smooth tone, brown eyes warm, holding out his hand "You must be Louis, I'm Zayn Malik"

Shaking his hand dumbly, Louis’ eyes went directly to where Stan was leaning over Louis’ desk and was now looking up at him smiling broadly.  
“Lou, I’m so glad you showed up!” he beamed “I was just writing you a note!”

Louis decided not to speak. If he opened his mouth, he might start shouting or worse, crying.

“Did you meet Niall?” Stan looked past Louis now and out into the hallway “This is Niall” he indicated to the blonde who had in fact, not gone anywhere, and was instead bouncing on his heels by the door.  Stan trailed off, poking his head out of the door and up and down the hallway "Harry's around here somewhere" he added thoughtfully "Anyway!" he exclaimed turning back to Louis excitedly, "I have huge news" he paused for dramatic effect “Zayn’s asked me to be his new roommate!”

Louis dug his nails into his palm. _“I wonder if you bothered to tell him that you already had a roommate”_ he said to himself in silence, not knowing how to arrange his face.

Stan started towards the door, looking like he had another reaction in mind “I would have told you before Lou, but we only just thought of it”

Zayn smiled somewhat sympathetically at him.  
“The guy who was meant to be sharing with me never turned up, so Stan’s doing him a really big favour”  
Stan went to stand next to Zayn “If i’ve left anything, send me a text” he told him.  
Louis nodded blankly.

“Lou….” Stan took a step forward “You’re blocking our way mate. We have to get going, we’re meeting people for dinner”

Louis’ voice was low, but hard when he finally found it “What about me?”

Stan wrinkled his nose “What do you mean, what about you? You weren’t invited, it’s Amber’s birthday”

“What about me?” Louis repeated and clocked his eyes for the first time onto Stan’s “You’re going to walk out of here and leave me on my own?”  
“I don’t know why you’re so pissed” Stan said flatly “You don’t like living with me anyway” he hiked up the box in his arms “And besides, you’re not going to be on your own. They’ll find you another room mate”

Zayn slipped past Louis “I’ll meet you outside” he said  
“No, I’m coming with you!” Stan pushed past Louis “I don’t have anything else left to do here”

Louis stood in the doorway without moving or thinking for several minutes. Stan’s voice echoed through his head “I don’t have anything else left to do here….”  
And then, very slowly and calmly Louis closed the door. He put his bag down on the floor. Walked over to his bed, taking his phone out of his pocket and sitting down. He checked the screen for non existent messages and calls from his boyfriend. And then after putting his phone carefully to the side. He quickly and angrily dissolved into tears.


	4. I Want to Rip it All to Shreds and Start Again

It only took two days of eating breakfast in the coffee shop alone for Liam Payne to approach Louis. He remembered speaking to him once during the first few days and thought he’d seemed a good lad. Gossip spreads, so everyone in the hall, and a few other surrounding accommodations had heard all about what had happened with his roommate. Whilst Louis had unfortunately been labeled from this episode as a bit of a freak and a sad-sack, Liam couldn’t help but feel bad for the boy who seemed to be alone ninety five per cent of the time.

So, he put on his best smile, approached him at the coffee house and asked if he could join him.  
He could tell Louis was confused at the beginning, but with Liam’s easy smile, soft brown eyes and comfortable conversation, he soon put Louis at ease. After half an hour or so, he had loosened up considerably, rocking back on his chair legs and talking animatedly about the university sports teams.  
“What are you doing tonight?” Liam finally asked, realising he needed to shoot off pretty soon, but he didn’t want to leave Louis without making some kind of plan with him. He looked like he needed a friend.  
Louis instantly looked awkward.  
“Erm….” he stuttered “What do you have in mind?”  
“There’s a fraternity/sorority mixer” Liam explained pleasantly “I’m thinking about becoming a member, it’s an open evening to pledges. The idea itself might not be your thing, but i’d rather not go by myself”  
“Erm….” Louis had started playing with his fingers “So you just want a mate to go with right?”  
Liam didn’t miss how he empathised the word ‘mate’.  
“Just mates” reassured Liam grinning “And you’ll be doing me a massive favour”  
Louis suddenly nodded, smiling happily, and Liam noticed for the first time, just how much his whole face changed when he smiled.

Louis couldn’t help but grin at Liam as he happily put his number into the latters phone. Today was definitely looking up.

 

Liam and Louis arrived at the party together. It was set up in the female sorority residence, and it was full of people in smart casual clothing strutting about, air kissing and shaking hands in greeting.  
Louis immediately knew that this wasn’t the type of place he would fit in. The members seemed pretentious and stuck up. He didn’t like the music, and in general he didn’t like the overall atmosphere. It occured to him that maybe he wasn’t a very good judge of character if this was the type of people that Liam wanted to impress. He didn’t think he was like that. But then again, lots of people were turning out to be different than he had thought.

The only reason he hadn’t sprinted for the nearest door, was because Liam looked so blinking chuffed to be there and Louis wasn’t about to completely stomp on the one offer of friendship he had received.  
However. He could agree with the snacks. Nibbling on a cookie, he helped himself to a drink (pouring himself a generous measure to serve them right for being so boring) and went to find Liam who he had lost in the crowd.  
He finally found him in an adjoining room. He took a deep unsteadying breath, as he realised he was talking to the guy who had effectively, screwed him over by stealing his best friend and room mate.  
Zayn Malik.  
Who was talking to a very pretty blonde girl, who Louis had been introduced to before as Perrie Edwards.  
Another misjudgement of character against poor Louis’ self esteme, because Louis had instantly liked Perrie when they had met before. She was cute, but had a really fiery edge to her. He liked girls with a bit of sass. They sort of reminded him of himself. The self that had lived in Doncaster that was. Louis didn’t know where that part of him had gone.

He was still admittedly a bit shy and embarressed about going over to see Liam when he was standing with Zayn.  
The first time they had met was in such awkward circumstances, and he had no idea what Stan had said told him - he doubted it had been a glowing reference.  
Instead he sat down on a chair with his drink and next to bowl of breadsticks and dip, deciding to wait it out.  
Louis watched various couples take to the makeshift dance floor. He checked his watch and his tummy bubbled with excitement. It wasn’t going to be long before he was due to leave anyway.

  
Nick had finally caught up with him and invited him for a meal that night. Louis couldn’t even remember agreeing to going. He was just told to meet him at this particular building and make sure he wore something tight! He was way too excited about seeing his Nick again to argue about being ignored by him since they got there.

  
Maybe Nick was finally missing him? Louis wondered, his heart aching as he tried not to think about how he missed the affection and comfort that Nick used to provide on a daily basis. Sighing he checked his phone again. Obviously there was nothing. Biting into another breadstick and listening to the laughter around him, he looked up sadly, watching Zayn easily talk and laugh with everyone who approached him. Feeling himself fade inside as he saw the confidence and chrisma in the man in front of him, that he no longer felt in himself.

 

Perrie smiled flirtaciously as she held her hand out to Zayn, as an invitation for him to dance with her. She had met a lot of people since she had arrived, but there was something about Zayn Malik that she just found so enticing.  
For starters he was so attractive. Confidence radiated out of him and onto everyone who was near him. He had style, his clothes and hair were immaculate, yet he made you think that it was as effortless as rolling out of bed.  
His smile was mesmorising, tugging slightly at the corners of his lips, but mainly showing in his dark brown eyes as he accepted her hand and let her lead him to the dance floor.

Perrie couldn’t help but spare a thought for the lonely looking boy sitting nearby. She barely knew him, but she didn’t need to know him to see the utter heartbreak etched upon his features as he watched intently the man she was dancing slowly with.  
“Don’t you feel guilty?” she asked softly so that only Zayn could hear  
Zayn’s eyes flickered over to where Louis was sat, he couldn’t help but notice he was eating breadsticks and dip like they were having a food shortage!

“Ok” I do feel a little guilty “But at the time I had no idea they had been friends for such a long time, and you have no idea what it’s like having a roommate forced upon you that drives you crazy" he shook his head "It was shit finding out that they were so close afterwards.  I'd be gutted if my best mate did that to me"

“I don’t think Harry’s like that” smiled Perrie indicating with her head over to the other side of the room to where Harry Styles was getting ready to leave.  
Zayn followed Perrie’s gaze over to his best friend and smiled fondly “Yeah” he agreed “I’m very lucky. Harry’s a great guy. One of the best”  
“I bet he says the same about you” Perrie couldn’t help but purr, already staringly dreamily back into Zayn’s eyes, feeling his arms tighten around her as they danced, already deciding that she really was interested in Mr Malik.

Perrie was just imagining what their first kiss might be like, when she realised that the face of the man of her dreams had just been replaced by the face of Matthew Spencer III.  
“I believe this is my dance” he was saying, his hand on Zayn’s shoulder.  
To her amazement, Zayn started to pull away but Perrie stopped him.  
“I believe it’s Zayn’s” she said evenly, and then, remembering a past dramatic warning about Matthew, she smiled falsely and said “You could have the next dance if you’d like”  
Matthew Spencer III smiled back. The long white fingers didn’t move from Zayn’s shoulder, and the hard blue eyes focused more intensely on her “But I don’t want the next dance” he said softly “I want this dance”  
Perrie suddenly felt cold as though someone were pouring ice water down her spine “Well I’m sorry_” she began.

His look was as cold and sharp as the blade of a knife “And I’m sorry too” he said cutting her off “I can’t tell you how disappointed I am in you sweetheart. When I saw how popular a pledge you were for this sorority, I thought you looked promising, really promising ‘There’s a freshman who can go places’, I said to myself ‘There’s a girl who could be a real star’ “

Perrie was trying so hard not to show the nervousness she was feeling and so caught by the intensity of his eyes that she didn’t notice Matthew edging his way between her and Zayn. Not until Zayn’s hand slipped from her own and she felt Matthew’s breath on her forehead did she realise what had happened.  
He laughed, a sound as pleasant as the rattle of a snake “It never occured to me that you would turn me down for scum like this” Matthew said clearly and sharply. He shook his head sadly, raising his voice “I never dreamed for a second that you were just another piece of white trash. That you were the sort of tramp who would rather dance with our forign friend than here with me”

Perrie felt her face go red with fury “Don’t talk to me like that” she hissed, stepping around him to get back to Zayn.  
“I’ll talk to you the way I like” Matthew answered “You are beneath my contempt, sweetheart. I’d sooner take orders from a maid than from a little traitor like you”  
He laughed again as she moved closer to Zayn “Don’t expect him to help you” he scoffed “He’s just a cowardly little Paki aren’t you Zayn?”  
Seeing the sneer on Matthew’s lips as his eyes fell on Zayn, Perrie remembered what she had been told before. Matthew didn’t hate Zayn because he didn’t understand where Zayn descended from; there was something more there. Matthew hated Zayn because he was Zayn.  
Perrie turned to Zayn herself, expecting this last insult to finally cause an outburst of anger. After all Zayn was bigger and looked stronger than Matthew, but he wouldn’t even meet her eyes.  
“Leave us alone Matthew” he said in a half whisper “Nobody wants any trouble_”  
“You don’t want any trouble Zayn?”  
Matthew reached out and pulled Zayn’s tie, drawing him forward “I know you don’t. You just want to hide behind this white girl here, don’t you?” He gave the tie a yank “Maybe you’d like her to fight your battles for you since you won’t do it yourself”

Perrie was suddenly aware that a crowd had gathered around them. She felt so afraid that she couldn’t move, couldn’t think. Some of the fraternity members started to urge Matthew on.  
“Get him Matt” they muttered  
Very low, almost like a hum, Perrie could hear the beginnings of a chant “Fight, fight, fight, fight, fight….”  
“Zayn” she whispered, reaching out for his hand.  
But Zayn kept stepping backward, his body rigid, his eyes empty.  
“What’s the matter Paki?” Matthew taunted “Don’t you come with a spine?”

“Don’t you come with a brain?”  
Perrie spun around as an anxious silence fell over the crowd. A tall, dark haired boy, lean as a snake, but broard and muscular as well was standing behind Matthew. There was nothing empty about the look in Harry Style’s dark green eyes, it was furious and cold.  
Matthew turned slowly “This isn’t your fight Styles” he said sounding distinctly nervous despite his smooth smile.  
“It isn’t anybody’s fight” Harry said. He placed a hand flat against Matthew’s chest “Unless you want it to be” he said softly “And in that case, I’m making it mine”  
Matthew’s smile became smoother, but his eyes darted nervously at his friends “Look, Styles” he said backing off “I’m not going to bust up a good party for you to play hero for your scared little friend” he turned away “He isn’t worth it”  
He joined his frat brothers “Let’s party!” he ordered  
Perrie moved over to Zayn “Come on” she said to him “Let’s get out of here”

 

Harry wanted to get out of there too, but every time he tried, somebody else came up to tell him what a good guy he was. He hated the attention. If it had been anyone other than Zayn, he probably would have kept right on walking out the door and let what was going to happen happen.  
But he couldn’t. He’d gotten halfway across the room, and knew he couldn’t just turn his back. He didn’t care about any of these people or the stupid things they said or did, but he cared about Zayn. Zayn had stood by Harry when his whole world had fallen out from under him, and he never asked any questions or made any demands. He was just there when you needed him. It was only right that Harry should be there when Zayn needed him too.  
Harry had just disengaged himself from a girl who he used to go out with and was pushing his way towards the door when he heard an angry male voice behind him.  
“Just a minute” the voice was saying, quietly but forcefully “I want to tell you something”

Harry and just about everyone near him turned around. He blinked. It was a small boy. Looking definetly old enough to be there, but with a young face and much smaller than himself.  
Dressed in sinfully tight black jeans, blood red short sleaved tight t-shirt wih black braces. He was staring Matthew dead in the face, eyes an even deeper, more icy blue than the ones staring back at him incredriously.  
The fraturnity president, having recovered himself, smiled smugly and raised one distainful eyebrow at him.  
“And who the hell are you?”  
The boy didn’t hesitate for a second “It doesn’t matter who I am_”  
“Well it matters who I am” he cut in “Maybe you don’t realise but I am Matthew Spencer the Third”  
The boy made a face.  
“You mean they tried twice before you and they still couldn’t get it right?”  
Some of the onlookers sniggered. Harry let himself smile. This boy was really something. He cared about impressing these people as much as he did.  
Matthew Spencer III looked as though he was trying to think of some suitable reply to this, but before he could open his mouth the boy went on.  
“‘I’m leaving” he said “But I want you to tell you that I think you’re disgusting. I thought people who went to university were supposed to be at least semi-intellegent. But I was obviously wrong. I’m ashamed to be in the same room as you” he tossed his soft looking carmal coloured fringe out of his eyes “You can be sure that it won’t happen again”

“Wow” thought Harry stunned at the brave outburst “How have I never met him before?”

Matthew shouted after him “For your sake you really better hope so”

Harry watched as the boy turned upon his heel and strutted out of the room, trying to not be hypnotysed by the way his hips swung as he walked and emphasised certain curves that he could only see from a rear view of the boy. He tried to catch his attention as he stormed past him, but he didn’t look right or left.  
“Watch out Styles” Harry warned himself silently as his eyes followed him through the door “There goes trouble”  
And he didn’t need trouble. He’d had enough trouble for one life already.

 

Louis was seething when he arrived at the coffeehouse to meet Nick as they’d arranged. He barely registered the cosy, intimate atmosphere and the candlelit tables. In his mind he was still looking into the Sigma president’s smug, smiling face.  
Louis stopped at the front of the cafe and saw Nick waving to him from a corner table. Just the sight of him made him feel better. Everything was all right. There was his strong, sensitive, supportive Nick waiting to comfort him, just as he always had. Forgetting the experiences they’d had the past few days, Louis hurried to join him.  
“Fuck, you won’t believe what happened at the Sigma-Theta rush party” he said as he slid into the chair across from him.  
“And wait till I tell you what happened to me today Lou” he countered “I’ve had the most unbelieveable day_”  
“The president of the Sigmas called this girl trash and tried to pick a fight with the guy who Stan moved in with” Louis began in a rush, forgetting that Nick hadn’t been around to tell that Stan had moved out.  
Nick waved one hand dismissively “Never mind the Sigmas” he said, obviously not hearing a word Louis was saying “The Zetas want me on board Lou! Is’t that fucking fantastic!”  
Louis, about to describe the scene between Zayn and Matthew, could only stare at him.  
“The Zetas Lou! Do you know what that means? The Zetas are the fraternity for atheletes, and at the dinner tonight the president himself basically told me straight out that they want me on board”  
Louis gave himself a little shake. Nick was justifiably proud and happy. He should put his own disstress aside for a few minutes to congratulate him.  
So he reached across the table and took his hand “That’s amazing babe” he said sincerely “It really is. I know how much you_”  
“I knew you’d be happy” Nick told him as the waitress brought them their menus “I mean it’s been so great having all the guys on the team and at the station be so friendly, but to be a Zeta too. You should’ve seen them at the dinner Lou. These are really good guys…”  
Louis listened, a smile on his face.  
His smile faded slightly when, having described the Zeta dinner in minute detail, he began to tell him how the other guys on the team reacted to his good news.  
“Josh said he knew the Zeta’s would want me on board” Nick explained “Because Ed Sheeran, the vice presidant, had told him I was just the sort of guy they were looking for”  
By the time their order had arrived, he was ready to strangle him. What was all this ‘on board’? What normal intellegent person said ‘on board’ every other sentence?  
“Can I tell you what happened at the Sigma party now?” he asked when he finally stopped talking long enough to put a forkful of carrot cake in his mouth.  
Nick nodded “Sure Lou. I didn’t mean to do all the talking” he lifted his coffee cup to his lips, looking at him expectantly.  
Louis started telling him about Matthew Spencer’s attack on Perrie and Zayn and how Zayn refused to confront him. “And then this amazing guy suddenly appeared from nowhere” Louis continued “You should’ve seen him Nick. He was incredibly well built, you know, and I guess he knew that no one was going to try and fight him….”  
“Is he an athelete?” Nick asked  
The spoonful of triple chocolate mousse Louis was holding stopped in midair “What?”  
“Is he a jock?”  
“I have no idea” he answered, wondering how much of what he was saying was actually going into Nick’s head “I don’t even know his name”  
Nick shrugged “I just thought I might have known him” he said “He sounds like the type of guy that the Zeta’s would want to have on board too”

 

Louis leaned against Nick as they walked back to his residence in the moonlight, their arms around each other. It had taken a while, but eventually the warm atmosphere of the coffeehouse had helped him to relax. Nick had wound down a little himself and stopped getting “on board” everything. At last, it had started to feel as it used to be between them.  
They paused outside the main door. Nick winding his arms around his smaller boyfriends waist, pushing him back against the wall, almost lifting him off his feet as he pulled him up for a long leisurely kiss.  
Louis smiled into his mouth as he prolonged the kiss, happily trailing his fingers through the hair at the nape of his mans neck. He loved having his arms tight around him, he had missed this so much.  
He giggled delightly as Nick finished the kiss and playfully started to dot little kisses all over his face and his neck, his nimble fingers tickling his sides beneath his t-shirt.

 

Harry was on his way home. He had too many thoughts swimming around in his head and all of them revolved around the mysterious boy at the party. He could still hear his voice in his ears, see the smirk twinge on his lips, the hypnotic sway of his hips as he sassed out of the room in a visual explosion of tight jeans, soft hair and piercing blue eyes.  
He was wondering if he would ever cross paths with him again, when he heard a high pitched giggle coming from the porch of the building to his left. Moving silently into the shadows on the path and stopping, he watched as a tall man in a thick leather jacket leant towards someone smaller against the wall in front of him, and picked them up. As he swung the someone around into the light from the porch, he saw the brightest, happiest little face he could ever imagine. Blue eyes he’d seen hard and cold before, were suddenly dazzling with happiness, crinkling at the corners.  
It was him. It was that boy.  
Harry watched as an unexpected stab of disapointment hit him in his gut, as he watched the small ball of sunshine wrap his thicker than avarage thighs around the tall man, nuzzling his face into his neck, a look of complete adoration crossing his face as the taller man roughly kissed the side of his face and said  
“I love you so much Lou”  
“I love you too Nick” came Sunshine’s loving response, as he was set down on his feet again, and was tucked under the taller mans arm as the latter opened the door and held it open for him.  
Harry stayed just long enough to watch that amazing looking ass disapear into the house. Before he let out a deep breath he didn’t even know he was holding, and half heartedly walk away.  
Even more thoughts were now swimming around in his head than before, all of them revolving around the mysterious boy who he now thought of as “Lou”.

 

“I can’t believe this is the first time you’re seeing my room” Nick was saying as they took the lift upto the twelfth floor. He leaned over and kissed the top of his head “I’ve been waiting to get your opinion on what I should put on the walls” he whispered “I just don’t have your sense of style”

Feeling better than he had in days Louis raised his lips to his “All you had to do was ask” he whispered back

Nick laughed nervously as he unlocked the door to his room “I feel like I should carry you over the threshold or something”  
Louis gave him a squeeze “That’s when you get married” he joked “Not when you move into a flat”  
“Yeah I know that” Nick said, not turning on the light as they floated into the room “But this is the first time I’ve had my own place”

The lights of the campus shone like stars outside Nick’s window as Louis melted into his arms. It felt so right, getting lost in his kisses. He could feel his tongue seductively lick up his neck, kissing the sensive bit of skin behind his ear. Finger tips danced up his sides, stroking and caressing his hips as Nick walked him backwards, using both hands to knead and massage his bum through his jeans, just like he always did.  
Louis almost didn’t realise that things were going further than they usually did until he realised that his braces were unclipped, the urgent way that Nick was trying to pull off his t-shirt, and the obvious hard on that Nick had deliberately pressed into his thigh.  
“Babe…”he whispered as his t-shirt fell to the floor, followed by his jeans quickly being pushed down his legs to pool at his ankles.  
The sensation of his hands on his naked thighs in the dark room made his skin tingle.  
“Louis…..” Nick’s voice was thick and seemed to be coming from more than one direction. He pulled him down onto the floor.

Part of him knew they were going too fast and wanted him to stop. But another part - a part that couldn’t believe his hands could make him feel like that….didn’t.  
One of Nicks hands was still playing with his ass cheek, fiddling with the waist band, finger tips slightly dipping into his crevas.  
His mouth was urgently kissing Louis, making his head dizzy, gasping into Nick’s mouth shocked as he felt Nick’s other hand palm him through his boxers. He knew he was hard. But Nick had never touched him there before.  
“Nick….babe…please….”  
“It’s alright baby” Nick whispered huskily from where it was pressed against his ear “I don’t have a roommate. We’re all alone”  
He was willing his body to push him off him, but instead it insisted on pushing itself closer.  
“Babe….” with an enormous effort, he managed to pull himself into a sitting position “Nick what time is it?” he asked desperately “I’d really better get home”  
It took him less than a nanosecond to pull him back down “You don’t have to leave” he said, his voice sounding like a purr “You can stay here tonight. You don’t know how long I have been wanting to spend the night with you”

For a moment Louis actually thought he meant that he had missed him so much over the past few days that he didn’t want him to leave his side. But as his hands continued to try to pull down his boxers and press his own errection into Louis’ crotch. He knew the only reason he wanted him here, was because he wanted to fuck him. That was it. That was all. The part of him that wanted him to stop starting to shout louder than the part that didn’t.  
“Nick!” Louis jerked himself away from him so quickly that he landed on the floor with a thump, now that Louis was no longer underneath him.  
“We talked about this. We said we’d wait for the right time”  
“But we did wait” Nick insisted pulling him into his chest again and kissing his temple “And this is the right time”  
Shaking with something that was anger and something that was more like desire, Louis managed to get to his feet, stumbling slightly, by the way his jeans were still stuck around his ankles.  
“It may be the right time for you” he said, practially shouting so that he could hear himself against the roar of his heart “But I don’t think it’s the right time for me yet”  
“But Lou_”  
“I mean it” only by keeping his voice hard and cold could he hide the confusion he was feeling. It would be so easy to fall back in his arms, so easy to stay the night. Too easy to let him continue touching his ass and his cock and let him…..  
He took a deep breath as he pulled his jeans up, grabbing his t-shirt from the floor.  
“I want to go back to my room now Nick. Right now”  
The light went on so suddenly, he felt as though someone had punched him in the face.  
“Sure” Nick said in a tone he had never heard before and void of all emotion “Whatever you want”


	5. Chapter 5

The first word that came into Louis’ head when he awoke the next day was ‘Stan’.  
No matter what they had been through, he was the still the best friend he’d ever had, the person he could talk to about anything and everything, the one who supported him through good times and bad.  
Louis rolled over. These were certainly bad times. He wasn’t so upset over the Theta-Sigma party. Everything he’d said to that smug fucker Matthew the Third was true. And it didn’t matter if he’d blown his chances with the Sigmas because he wasn’t going to pledge anyway, also because if that was what the Greeks were like, then he didn’t want any part of them. He’d come here to get smarter, not more stupid.  
But Nick did matter. A heaviness fell over Louis as he thought of him. He’d heard of couples drifting apart once they got to university, but he and Nick were separating at a rate of knots.  
He felt lonely and isolated. Nick had already found a tight group of friends whilst Louis had gone from being ‘the” Louis Tomlinson, one of the most popular boys his age in Doncaster, to being a nobody. He wasn’t ready to take their relationship further. Nick definitely was.

Louis climbed out of bed with a sigh. That was what he needed to talk to Stan about. There was no one else he could confide in.  
The walk back from Nick’s last night kept playing over in his mind. They hadn’t spoken or touched the entire way. Nick had walked beside him, inches that might have been miles between them, his hands in his pockets, as though he hated even the idea that he might brush against him.  
Seeing them pass by, no one would have thought that they had laughed together, or cried together, or even shared so much as a stick of gum.  
Louis started picking out his clothes, still seeing the expression on Nick’s face as he said good night. Cold and remote, it had been the face of someone he didn’t know, someone who didn’t want to know him. He pulled out a pair of baggy black jeans and a baggy black t-shirt to match his mood.  
Louis glanced at his watch. If he didn’t hurry, he would be late to go and make up with his best friend.

Stan threw himself on the still made bed with a sigh. How did anyone get to be as lucky as he was? Was anyone else as happy as he was right now?  
“So fucking happy!” he told himself proudly.  
He kicked off his vans and closed his eyes going over the events of last night for at least the twentith time. He’d had a blast at the Theta-Sigma party. The Sigma’s really liked him and the more he’d known that they liked him, the more he had shone. It seemed so long ago that nobody noticed him at parties because they were too busy looking at Louis. But it wasn’t like that any more. Now he was a star in his own right.

The thought of Louis caused a slight shadow to fall over Stan’s happiness. He decided not to think too much about the part where he had lost track of Louis at the party. And anyway, he knew Louis had looked like he wasn’t having a good time. He’d seen him when he was on his way to the Zeta after dinner party with Niall and a couple of his friends. Stan had seen Louis standing by the food table and looking at his watch. It had made him pause for a second, realising that he had never seen Louis on his own at a party and looking so much like an uninvited guest. For a second he considered going over to him…but that was when Niall called him…and Stan had shrugged his shoulders and left.  
It didn’t take long for him to decide to send him a text to say he wanted things to be alright with them again, and could he meet him for breakfast the next day for a chat.  
The answer came back immediately. Yes.

However. It was the Zeta party that he wanted to remember in the most detail. Walking in with Niall and seeing Nick over by the window talking to an absolutely gorgeous sophomore with a stop-traffic smile. Nick had looked up and beckoned him over saying “This is my mate Stan Lucas. We went to college together”  
Nick nodding to the golden haired man with the crooked grin “Ashton Irwin - backbone of the basketball team. Ashton, Stan”  
“Are you the guy on the skateboard in that video that Nick showed me?” asked Ashton, looking like he was recognising Stan from somewhere.  
Stan nodded enthusiastically.  
“They were awesome! I’ve always loved skaters who can do tricks. Such a sexy skill”

Stan opened his eyes mentally giving himself another high five. ‘I think it’s so sexy’ In six years of secondary school and college, no one had ever called anything he ever did sexy. Not even by mistake.  
Humming to himself happily, he began to undress. He wanted to shower before he met up with Louis. Not only had he been wearing these clothes all yesterday, but he’d actually fallen asleep wearing them.  
Stan checked out his reflection in the mirror. He had never seen him look better. He just looked so happy and full of life and actually thought he could call himself one of the good looking ones for a change. Who would have thought that after only a week at university he would be spending the night with one of the most popular gorgeous men on campus?  
He who was good, old reliable and slightly dull Stanley Lucas, shadow of Louis Tomlinson, had sat up half the night with the most handsome, intelligent and interesting man he’d ever met.  
They’d talked about everything from cereal to politics. He couldn’t remember talking so much and certainly not to a guy he was interested in. And they’d made each other laugh. In fact they had talked and laughed so much that when they finally checked the time, it was three in the morning and they didn’t feel like coming all the way back to Zayn’s.  
“You might as well stay here” Ashton had said “You can have the bed and I’ll sleep on the floor”  
So he had.  
Stan pulled on a clean shirt and gave himself another smile. He felt like a girl for saying it, but somehow, sleeping in Ashton’s bed whilst he slept on the floor beside him, even though nothing had really happened, was the most romantic, grown up thing he’d ever done.

Sticking a bit of gel in his hair, he grabbed his phone and his keys. He couldn’t wait to make up with Louis so he could tell him all about it!  
“Maybe Nick’s right”, Louis told himself as he hurried to the coffee house. “Maybe we should be having sex by now. I mean, it’s not like we only just met or something. We love each other. We’ve been together for years”

“Hey, look who it is!” someone shouted as he cut across the green “It’s the lone crusader!”  
Not realising whom they were talking to, Louis glanced over.  
Two Sigma’s from the night before were leaning against the hood of a black Range Rover, leering in his direction.  
“Hey Mister Equal Opportunity” the first second one called to him “Why aren’t you protecting the less fortunate?”  
“Somebody should be protecting him” the other one said with a laugh “After that little scene last night I think he’ll need it”  
Louis bit his lip. Was that a threat of some kind? Were these pricks trying to scare him? He turned away quickly. He had too many things on his mind to waste his time worrying about them.

“But I’m really not ready” he continued his silent argument as he walked through the coffee house door.  
There was no sign of Stan , so he joined the line for food. Saturday breakfast was the one meal you could be pretty sure you wouldn’t have to stand in line for. Most people preferred sleeping late to eating.  
“Just because we’re now at University doesn’t mean we should immediately start having sex. He wasn’t trying it on two weeks ago. What is the big difference between them and now?” His brain was trying to frazzle with fighting both sides of the argument.

Faced with the usual wide choice of foods Louis realised that he wasn’t really that hungry. He was too hyped up over what happened last night. So he picked up a muffin and a cup of tea and went to find a table.  
“Of course I’m right” Louis assured himself as he stirred milk into his tea “Just being in college is no reason to go back on what you decided. Of course…” he thought sadly as he took his first sip. He had been secretly planning on going further now that they were in university. He knew that he was never going to love someone as much as he loved Nick and he had thought that Nick had felt the same way about him. But considering this past week? He had to say no. He couldn’t condone that kind of behaviour. Even though it hurt his heart to even think it.

He looked up to see Stan hurrying towards him. Louis blinked. He couldn’t remember ever seeing his friend look so good. It wasn’t his new style in clothes, or the way he was now styling his hair. It didn’t even look like it was something cosmetic. He couldn’t put his finger on it. But it made him look fantastic.  
“Shit Lou!” Stan grinned putting his tray down on the table and sitting down opposite hi “You would not believe what happened!”

Louis was very nervous inside, not seeing Stan since the day he moved out of their room. But he also was desperate to confide in him about Nick. And if Stan wanted to pretend as though nothing had happened for the sake of having their friendship back on track, then that was fine by him.  
He put on an interested smile “What? Tell all”  
Stan rubbed his nose before taking a large gulp of coffee. “I don’t know where to start” he smirked excitedly “I can’t actually quite believe it myself”  
“Tell me then” Louis urged “You know I hate being kept in suspense!” he made his smile even more encouraging.  
It wasn’t necessary. One minute Stan was stuttering that he didn’t know what to say, the next, he was giving Louis a nanosecond by nanosecond account of his night with Ashton Irwin.  
Louis listened in silence, at first with interest and then growing concern.  
By the time Stan reached the end of his story, he wasn’t just looking good. It looked like he was glowing inside and lit up like a halloween pumpkin.  
“Wait a minute” Louis said “Are you honestly telling me that you spent an entire night with a….a stranger?”  
Stan grinned thinking that Louis was teasing him.  
“He wasn’t a stranger Lou. He was a friend of Nicks” he put his cup down “And he isn’t a stranger now. Besides. You didn’t get this protective when I moved in with Zayn”  
He bit his lip in regret as he saw Louis’ eyebrows disappear into his fringe with indignation.  
“Scratch that last bit” he muttered guiltily, his smile creeping back onto his face  
“Back to the point” Louis bristled “You know what, you were right. I don’t believe a word of that. You would never spend a whole night with someone you didn’t know unless you had lost your mind!”  
Stan held the smile on his face for a second longer, and then his mouth went hard “Oh come on Lou. We’re in uni now. It’s not that big a deal”

“We’re in uni now, we’re in uni now! “ screamed Louis’ inner monolog “Is that the only thing anyone could say anymore?”  
“Maybe you don’t think it’s a big deal” Louis snapped half arguing with Stan, half arguing with Nick “But I do. I thought we came to uni to learn and grow, not to jump into bed and fuck the first guy who asks us”  
Stan stared at him angrily “It’s not that easy to learn and grow when your best friend criticises you every time you try”  
Louis opened his mouth to say that it was incredible that Stan could still call himself Louis’ best friend, but he didn’t get the chance.

There was something frighteningly final as a gunshot about the way Stan scraped back his chair  
“And for your information Mr Morality, we didn’t fuck! Or even sleep together! We hardly even kissed and he slept on the floor! But if we had, my sex life is none of your fucking business!”

Louis watched the boy he used to know as well as he knew himself, his best friend he’d ever have, march out of the coffee house in rage.  
“Brilliant” he thought in despair “My boyfriend’s mad at me, my room mate deserted me, my best friend who was also my room mate isn’t speaking to me anymore”  
Instead he blindly picked up his plate and headed back to the food counter. Suddenly he was starving.

 

“I wanted to thank you for….uh….dealing with Matthew last night”  
Harry looked up to see Zayn had let himself into his room and was sitting down on his bed hunched over as though he was putting on his shoes, eyes on the floor. Even someone who didn’t know Zayn as well as Harry did would have been able to tell that, although he was really grateful, Zayn didn’t want to talk about what had happened.  
“It’s alright” Harry said returning his attention to ironing his shirt. He didn’t want to talk about it either. He wanted to put the whole thing out of his mind and leave it there. “You don’t have to thank me. That’s what friends are for”  
“Well thanks anyway” he muttered. Slowly and meticulous he began to re-tie the lace of his converse “I know you figured I…”  
“You don’t have to explain mate” Harry cut in “I understand”  
Harry knew that the trouble between Matthew and Zayn went back a long way. Matthew had always surrounded himself with yes men, people who did whatever he said, but Zayn had always stood up to him.  
Until last winter, that was. Last winter something had happened to Zayn. It made him stop standing up to Matthew. And that was the thing that Harry didn’t understand. He knew something had happened at home - something with Zayn’s older brother - but he didn’t know what. And some part of him didn’t want to know.  
“I don’t think I could explain, even if I wanted to” Zayn said slowly.  
Harry kept his eyes on the iron “I told you” he said quickly “You don’t have to explain”

They were best friends, as close as brothers, but they never pried. If Zayn wanted him to know something, he’d tell him. If Zayn didn’t want him to know something, he wouldn’t tell him. And vice verser. It was a simple arrangement, and one that worked. There were things, like when Zayn had stopped standing up for himself and why Harry had changed so much since they were freshmen, that they never discussed - and never would discuss. It was enough for Harry to know that Zayn wouldn’t fight, not even a bastard like Matthew Spencer. He didn’t need to know why.  
He turned his shirt and picked up the iron again. Another hiss of steam hid Harry’s sigh.  
There was one thing about last night that wouldn’t stay out of his mind, no matter how much he tried. Ever since he had stormed out of the Theta house, crackling with energy like a fire, and later, giggling and beaming like sun rays outside one of the apartment blocks. The image of silky caramel hair and bright blue eyes kept appearing in front of him. It followed him back to the dorm, it hung around the lounge when he was trying to watch TV, it kept drifting in and out of his dreams. And here it was now, distracting him whilst he was trying to get those annoying little creases out of his collar.  
Harry looked over at Zayn again.  
“What the hell” he decided mentally “There’s no harm in just knowing his name. Well finding out what Lou is short for”  
He gave a little cough.  
“So. The guy who had a death wish last night…do you know him?”  
Zayn nodded uncomfortably “Yeah, he was Stan’s room mate. Louis Tomlinson”

Louis. That was what Lou was short for. Louis. Louis Tomlinson.

“Don’t know much about him” Zayn continued “But from what Stan says, he’s a great guy. He’s just lost the plot a bit since he arrived here. Well that was me making it sound polite. He looked pretty stressed when I first met him. Doesn’t seem to mix in a crowd that well. Do you know Liam?”  
Harry nodded. He’d met Liam Payn a few times at particular events and had liked him. They had even been unofficial gym buddies for a little while - always turning up at the same time and using the same machines in the same order!  
“Well Liam’s trying to take him under his wing a little” Zayn explained “He thinks he’s really misunderstood. I’d make more of an effort to get to know him. But it might cross some kind of line with Stan, and I don’t want to piss him off”  
Harry nodded in a non committed manor and pulled the plug on his iron. Zayn got up and left. But he kept staring at the door long after Zayn had closed it. He could see the eyes again. First smouldering like ice, then dazzling like stars.  
Louis Tomlinson. What a perfect name for such an extraordinary boy.

 

Nick stood motionless, the tension easing out of him as the hot water ran down his body. He couldn’t get over the way Louis acted last night.  
At first he thought he was joking. After all, it wasn’t as though they didn’t know each other. It wasn’t as though their feelings hadn’t been tried and tested over the years.  
Nick closed his eyes and raised his face to the spray. He knew they’d never said it in so many words, but he always thought that once they were living away from home, their relationship would go into the next phase. Why did he think that Nick had worked so hard to get on the varsity team? Aside from the fact that basketball meant a lot to him, he’d wanted to get a single room so that he and Louis could spend more time together. And he wanted to spend a lot of time alone with Louis. Sometimes he couldn’t believe that he had been able to wait for this long. When they had been in Doncaster he had been so sassy and sexy, wearing the tightest of jeans and shorts to show off that incredible curvy ass of his - it drove him so wild. He couldn’t keep his hands off it, and was always finding an excuse to caress it or grab at it. There were so many things that he had pictured doing to that ass once he’d finally managed to get it out of those boxers.  
It was ridiculous really. He had been with his boyfriend for over two years and until last night, he hadn’t even properly felt, let alone seen his boyfriends cock! He didn't really know how big it was (from what he felt of it last night - he knew he wasn’t in for a disappointment). All he wanted to do was just undress every inch of Louis, bite his teeth into those gorgeous chunky thighs, lick his tongue all over his ass, marking it as his and then fuck him so hard he wouldn’t be able to walk. He wanted to pound into him, over and over and over again. What was so bad about wanting that? After all, didn’t Louis have needs to? Wasn’t he as desperate for him as he was for Louis?

It was obvious that he didn’t love Nick as much as he had claimed he did. He obviously didn’t want to spend more time with him, and the time they did spend together wasn’t exactly quality. He had become so quiet and distant since they’d been on campus that it was hard to believe he had brought along the same boy.

Until last night he’d thought Louis was just having some trouble getting used to university life, but now he wasn’t so sure. Maybe it had nothing to do with university. Maybe it had to do with him. Everything had been fine when they had been in college. But now that he wanted a real commitment - an adult relationship - he was refusing to give it. All of a sudden nothing he said or did was right. All of a sudden Louis’ kisses didn’t have enough heat in them to toast a marshmallow.  
Nick turned off the shower and reached for his towel. Maybe he shouldn’t take it so personally. He wasn’t the only thing Louis had complained about. He’d had a go at the Greeks. His best friend. Who else did he have left to go after?

Stan. Nick wrapped a towel around his waist and walked out into the bathroom. This morning after a fitful nights sleep, he’d gotten up early and gone for a walk. Just as he was returning, he’d seen Stan coming out of the front door of his apartment building. Even for a guy he’d looked like he was floating on air.  
Louis certainly hadn’t been walking on air when he took him home last night. He’d held himself rigid and untouchable, just inches away from him and hadn’t said a word until they reached Heversham Hall. Then he’d said “Good night”. That was it. No kiss. No hug. No “I’ll see you tomorrow”, no “I’m really sorry, lets talk about it later” - just “Good night”  
“A good night was the last thing it was” muttered Nick as he marched into the hall.

And that was another thing, he hadn’t even received a single call or text from Louis ever since they’d got here. And he had finally told Louis that his number had changed. He was sure he had. No he definitely had. Louis was just being a stubborn little shit. Nick guessed he could have text Louis himself. But why should he be the one putting himself out all the time?

Ashton was just coming out of his own room. He still looked tired, but it was tired of someone who’d had a wonderful night, not the tired of someone who couldn't sleep because his long term boyfriend didn’t want him to touch him.  
Ashton’s face lit up “Yo, Grimmy! I’ve got to thank you for introducing me to Stan. That was the greatest night I’ve had in a long time”  
Nick smiled in a jokey but suggestive way he’d seen the other guys on the team smile “oh yeah? And how great was that?”  
Ashton grinned back “I’ll have you know Grimmy, that I’m not that kind of guy” he punched him in the arm “Anyway, I’d never make a move on a guy like Stan. I like him too much. I’d be afraid he wouldn’t respect me in the morning”  
“Oh yeah?” Nick gave him a knowing look “Then who was it I saw coming out of here this morning? Stan’s double?”  
Ashton raised an eyebrow “Man you were up early. Were you walking Louis back home?”  
Rather than answer, Nick just kept smiling and looking knowing. If Ashton thought that he was sleeping with Louis, then that was alright with him.

“It’s ok for you guys who’ve been going out with the same guy forever” Ashton said “But we jocks who have always played the field have to go slow in this relationship game” he punched him again “Anyway, I’d better get going or I’ll be late. But thanks again Nick. You may have just changed my life”  
Nick went back into his room, wondering if his life was changing too. If guys like Ashton were slowing down. Maybe guys like him should start speeding up. Ashton might have been joking, but he was right. There were an awful lot of men and women on this campus who liked jocks.

Nick pulled on his tightest jeans and a t-shirt and gave himself a once over in the mirror. He looked good. That wasn’t vanity, that was the truth.  
He styled his hair. As well as liking men. He did like women. And this campus was full of them. Some of them were even a year or two older than him, more experienced than him, weren’t afraid of getting a little more experience.  
Maybe Louis wasn’t the only option for him anymore.


	6. Chapter 6

Harry stopped in the doorway of his film class, checking out the room. The film majors, looking intense and superior, were gathered at the front. The students who were taking the course because it was the only thing that would fit into their schedule were bunched up in the middle. And at the back were a couple of big league jocks with the usual cluster of admiring girls around them, listening to them discuss bombs and squib kicks as though they were the most fascinating things in the world.  
Harry stepped into the room, took a moment to shake back his curly brown hair and then walked over to a second row seat at the side.  
In the old days if he’d decided to take a course on classic Hollywood comedies of the ’30’s and ’40’s, it would have been because he figured he could skate through it without too much trouble. Anybody could watch a film right? And in the old days he would have been sitting at the back with the campus heroes, feeling like a big man because he knew how to kick a ball.  
He read through the assigned text while he waited for the teacher to arrive. These were not the old days. Now he was taking film class because he was interested; he was interested in everything. Life was too short not to get all you could from it.  
And he sat at the front with the film geeks because they still thought of him as Schizo Styles super jock and left him alone. In the old days, all Harry wanted was a good time and to be surrounded by people who told him how great he was. Now he’d rather be on his own than have a bunch of insincere good-time friends. Life was too short to waste.  
He looked out the window, closing his book and watching the students hurrying to their classes and thought about crowd scenes. You saw these people all the time, but you never knew them; they just walked back and forth in your life.  
‘And for all I care they can keep on walking’ Harry thought as a flaw of blue caught his eye. He turned. It was someone who looked a lot like Louis Tomlinson striding down the path by himself.  
He missed a breath, even from this far away he could see it was definitely him. So many people around him moved like someone who could be sure of everything, just like he had used to. Louis moved like someone who’d learned that you couldn’t be sure.  
Harry leaned forward watching Louis disappear into the English building.  
Something about Louis Tomlinson made him wonder if he really wanted everyone to walk by.

 

Stan made his way through the lunch line talking to Louis in his head ‘If you can’t accept me as I am, then maybe you’re not the friend you thought you were’ he was saying ‘I’m not going to stay in your shadow just to make you feel better’  
He selected a sandwich.  
‘If you can’t see me as anything but good old Stanley, then maybe I should stick to people who never knew me then’ he continued.  
He ordered a coffee.  
‘I’m sorry Louis” he said as he got out his card to pay ‘But i think you and I have come to a parting of the ways. You want me to stay just where you are, and I want to move on’

Ever since their argument on Saturday morning, Stan hadn't been able to do much else. The trouble was that although he was no longer speaking to Louis in the flesh, or even texting. He still couldn’t stop arguing with him in his head.  
He walked into the dining room, turned left and walked purposefully to the window table where Jade Thirlwall, Niall and Perrie were all sitting. They were still talking about Friday night.

“I really hope I get pledged to Theta” Perrie was saying as Stan took his place beside her “They are so amazing”  
“Plus the face they are paired with Sigma doesn’t hurt. Those guys are gorgeous” added Jade giggling.  
Niall, Perrie and Stan said nothing, but exchanged small glances. After Friday night, they weren't sure whether the Sigma’s were all that great anymore.  
“It’s too bad about your friend Louis” Jade continued, speaking directly to Stan “I hear that Matthew Spencer’s been going around shit stirring about him”  
“I’m sure it’s all lies” Perrie said, wondering if Louis was in fact still friends with Stan. From what Zayn told her last night. He didn’t think they would ever speak to each other again.  
Jade shrugged “Maybe. But nobody makes Matthew look like a twat without paying for it. I’ve heard that when he doesn’t like someone, things just have a way of going wrong for them”  
Stan was busy unwrapping his sandwich and didn't look up. He had already left the party by the time Louis had caused the scene everybody was talking about. He hadn’t heard about it until Saturday. Even as angry as Stan was with Louis, he had to admire him for standing up to Matthew like that. He knew Louis had been right - even if he had thought it was pretty stupid of him to throw his possible social life away like that. After all Zayn was built like a tank. He didn’t need weak little Louis to defend him.  
Perrie shook his head “I wouldn’t want to be him for anything” he said “Jade’s right. From what I hear, from what I’ve seen, Matthew Spencer can be brutal”  
“From what I hear, he’s not the only one” Niall cut in mysteriously taking a bite of his burger  
The others looked at his quizzically  
“What are you talking about?” Perrie asked  
Niall took another bite, chewed, swallowed “I overheard some girls in my music class talking about this psychic in town who is predicting some brutal murderer will strike here on Halloween night”  
“Oh come on!” Stand cried happy to get the conversation away from his ex best friend “What are you talking about? Jack the Ripper 2014?”  
“Hey it’s not my prediction” Niall said holding his hands up “I’m just telling you what I heard. These girls said this psychic really knows his stuff. They said he predicted an earthquake somewhere in San Francisco, and a hurricane in Florida”  
“Maybe he should go work in the US then if that’s where his predictions are set” suggested Jade sceptically”  
Stand laughed “Sorry Nialler, I’m with Jade. Bet he never told them the thousands of times he got things wrong”  
Perrie put down her glass “I don’t believe in any of that stuff” she said “As far as I’m concerned, if you can’t eat it, wear it, or put it on the wall, it doesn’t exist”  
Niall pointed a chip at Perrie “There’s more in heaven and earth Perrie Edwards, than is dreamt of in your philosophy”  
“Oh ha ha ha” Perrie put on a haughty face “I know you’re quoting Shakespeare Ni. I am in university you know”  
‘That’s right” Stand thought “We are in university now” and the phrase suddenly sent Stan back to the same subject it had been with all day; Louis Tomlinson.

 

Louis had arrived at lunch in a great mood. He couldn’t wait to see Nick, to tell him how much better he was feeling. Not only was he looking forward to the arrival of his new roommate, but he was feeling excited now that classes had begun. Even though he hadn’t been able to do all the courses he’d wanted, he really liked all his teachers. Just settling down to schoolwork again cheered him up. He sighed to himself. Unlike people, with schoolwork you knew where you stood.  
But after waiting for twenty minutes, Louis’s mood began to deteriorate. He swallowed his last mouthful of cake and put down his mug of tea. He hated eating alone, but the other option had been to sit down with a full tray, staring expectantly at the door whilst he waited. At least eating had given him something to do.  
It had gotten to the stage where he didn’t even bother to carry his phone around. Nick had obviously stopped using his. He never replied to messages and it was always turned off when he tried to call.  
Louis glanced towards the entrance. ‘Why don’t you just face the truth?’ he asked himself He’s not coming. ‘He’s got something better to do’ His eyes fell on a crowded table across the room. Sitting in the middle, smiling radiantly and looking even more confident than he had done in college, was Stan.  
He started stacking his dishes. Nick had been busy all weekend with the team and the station, but they managed to get coffee together last night. The atmosphere between them had been stiff and uncomfortable, but not unfriendly. And it was Nick who suggested having lunch today.  
‘Maybe he had to make a change in his schedule or something’ Louis told himself ‘I’ll give him ten more minutes. I’ll go get a brownie, and if he’s not here by the time I’m done then I’ll leave’

In the end he gave him fifteen minutes and twenty three seconds, then picked up his books and left. He avoided passing Stan and his new friends, but he couldn't help feeling that everyone was watching him. Watching and wondering what was wrong with him. Because he had no friends.

By the time he reached his room, Louis wanted to get inside his room, lock the door and never come out. Not only had he just experienced one of the most depressing lunches of his life, but as he was coming across campus he’d run into two Sigmas who’d given him a hard time about Friday night. They’d blocked his path and refused to let him pass. Even though it was broad daylight and they’d pretended they were just fooling around, Louis had sensed a menace in their smiles.  
‘All I seem to do around here is make enemies and loose friends’ he told himself unhappily as he hurried down the hall.  
He stopped in front of room 28, fumbling in his pocket for his key. But before he could put it in the lock, the door swung open suddenly.  
Louis blinked in surprise. Standing in front of him was a stirringly beautiful girl with masses of honey blonde curled and the reddest lips and the most heavily made up eyes Louis had ever seen on anyone who wasn’t acting in a play. Behind her, boxes and furniture were piled high that the beds had disappeared.  
“Hi” the girl drawled in an obvious accent “I’m Taylor Swift, your new roommate”

 

The door shut behind Louis with a thud.  
Taylor looked up from the drawer she was filling with silky underwear and lacy bras. Her pretty mouth curled unattractively and her eyes narrowed.  
“I’d appreciate it if you didn’t smoke in our room” she mimicked him in a babyish voice “And could you keep your crap to your side of the room”  
She got up and took a cigarette from the pack on her dresser, lighting it with her brushed gold lighter.  
“My God” Taylor said in her own voice “I can’t believe I’ve escaped Granny Swift and the Simeon Academy for Girls, only to wind up living with a little fairy”  
She opened her roommates wardrobe and began to look through Louis’ clothes.  
“Gay, gay, twink, gay, fairy, twink, eugh” she mouth pinched in distaste “I didn’t think they made such eye sores for children over six”  
She went over to Louis’ chest of drawers “Now what do we have here” he asked picking up a photograph of Louis and Nick with their arms wrapped around each other “What’s a sweetheart like this doing with a twinkie little fairy like you. He’s such a princess. He’s going to do nothing for your credibility”  
After rummaging through the things on top of the chest, she started going through the drawers themselves.  
“This boy has no secrets at all” she drawled in disgust as she shifted through t-shirts. There was no lube, no condoms, no toys. Not even a dirty magazine. “She held up an obvious PJ top between two fingers.  
“Bless my Granny’s gout” Taylor cackled “I bet the little princess is a virgin!”  
Taylor lit another cigarette, closing her eyes and inhaling deeply.  
The one thing she wanted to do was leave the past behind. Taylor’s beautiful eyes opened again as a shudder ran through her slender body. No. She wanted to set it on fire and scatter its ashes over the ocean.  
That’s why she had come to London. She couldn’t have gotten further away from Liverpool and its nightmare memories than here. And after all those years with her Granny breathing down her neck and all those horrible schools with their regulations and stuck up prises, she had hoped she would find someone like herself here. Someone with life, spirit and a sense of fun. Someone who didn’t live by the rules.  
Instead of this. She had been given a shy, timid, suspender wearing gay fairy who took no risks and did whatever he was told.  
Taylor looked at Louis’ desk. Computer neatly in the middle, notebooks carefully stacked and all his pens and sharpened pencils were collected in a glass jar. It looked like a desk in a magazine ad. Wasn’t even the remains of a coke trail anywhere.  
She blew a smoke ring across the room.  
“Well, we’ll just have to shake you up a little honey” she said looking at his picture, her voice sounding sweeter than syrup.

‘It’s impossible’ Louis was telling himself as he marched across the grass ‘You cannot totally loath someone after only fifteen minutes’  
He pictured Taylor’s face with it’s pouty red mouth and its long fluttering eyelashes. He recalled the heavy, flowery smell of her perfume. He heard her soft sticky-sweet voice “I know there are rules in the dorm, but rules are there to be broken, aren’t they?”  
Louis shuddered “I hope you don’t mind” Taylor had gone on “But I’m a girl, and I’m going to need your wardrobe”  
Louis stopped dead in the middle of the field, wondering what to do next. He had nearly two hours to kill before his next class.  
“You know what sugar?” Taylor’s voice was still going in his head “If you just move your chest of drawers right up against your bed, then when the rest of my things come, I’ll have a place for my Granny’s chair.  
‘Snack bar’ Louis decided suddenly. Even though he’d just had lunch, he was going to need a cup of coffee and maybe a brownie to calm him down enough to be able to study.  
As soon as he stepped though the doors of the coffee house, Louis began to feel better. The snack bar smells of coffee and cake put the smells of powder, perfume and cigarettes out of his mind.  
‘Maybe Taylor isn’t as bad as she seemed’ he told himself ‘And you really can’t judge people on first impressions. She did seem friendly’  
Louis chose a peanut butter brownie.  
Friendly was an understatement. Taylor had been at Heversham Hall for a couple of hours and she already knew half the people on his floor. Louis felt his blood pressure rising again. He took a chocolate chip cookie too. Not only did Taylor know half the people on his floor, she had also loaned out his camera and someone else his external disk drive for his laptop.  
He paid for his food and found a corner by the window.  
‘Maybe you’re just being petty’ he scolded himself ‘You would have lent the stuff out if you had been asked. It’s not your fault no one wants to know who you are’ It was an expensive camera though.  
Louis bit into his cookie and looked around, feeling that familiar feeling of loneliness and despair creeping into his heart.  
He wished he could talk to Stan, or get a cuddle from Nick. He missed them so much. Why didn’t they like him anymore.  
He took another bite of his cookie, not worried about the crumbs clinging to his lip. He thought he heard someone whisper his name. But when he looked up, there was no one in the room who would want to talk to him. The only person near him was Harry Styles - and someone like that wouldn’t want to talk to someone like Louis. In the split second that he’d chosen to look in Harry’s direction, he thought he saw him smile at him. But that wouldn’t be right. Harry didn’t even know who he was.  
Suddenly feeling awkward and out of place. He jumped to his feet, almost tipping over them as he scampered to get out of the door and away. Away from Nick. Away from Stan. Away from Taylor. Even away from Harry Styles - a man who didn’t even know his name.


	7. So I Don't Have to Keep Imagining

Taylor leaned across the table, her beautiful mouth in a pout, her blue eyes troubled. “You have no idea what I have to put up with. I’m just not used to being treated this way”  
The boy who’s name was was either Jeff or Joe, she wasn’t quite sure which, nodded sympathetically.  
“Roommates can be really crap” he agreed “Yours sounds really awful”  
Taylor arched one perfect eyebrow, shuddering delicately “Awful? All he does is moan and nag at me all the time. It’s like rooming with somebody's mother”  
She put on her Louis Tomlinson voice which is not sweet and hushed like her own but loud and slightly whiny “Don’t do that Taylor. Don’t do this Taylor” she mimicked “Taylor where’s my shampoo? Taylor did you leave the light on? Taylor, don’t forget to lock the door. What time are you coming back tonight Taylor?’ her foot accidentally brushes against his ankle ‘That’s why I’m having so much trouble with physics” she said forlornly “I can’t even work in my room, he makes me too unhappy”  
Jeff, Joe or perhaps it was Jason smiled Don’t worry about that. I’ll give you all the help you need. I’ve always been good in science”  
Taylor looked deep into his eyes “You’re so sweet” she purred “I don’t know what I’d do if it weren’t for you”  
He stared back, looking like a man about to drown. The sudden alarm on his phone made him jump.  
“Wow, I’d better get going or I’ll be latex for maths” he gathered up his books “So, I’ll meet you after dinner to do the homework, right?”  
Taylor was in the middle of nodding when a look of devastation came onto her face “Oh no” she gasped “I can’t tonight! I’m so far behind in everything because of him that I have to try to catch up in history tonight” she sighed heavily that the gold T around her neck heaved up and down “Oh what am I going to do? I’ll never get my physics homework done in time”  
Jeff, Joe or Jason got to his feet “I’ll tell you what” he said “Why don’t I meet you in the morning and you can copy mine this one time? Then tomorrow night or the night after we can do the work together and I’ll show you what to do?”  
“Why, what a brilliant idea. I do believe you’re a genius” she grabbed his hand “And an angel. An absolute angel”  
Jeff, Joe or Jason blushed “Well….” he said “Well….I….maybe you….”  
Taylor gave him a gentle shove “You’d better hurry” she said “I’d hate to think I made you late for maths” she smiled “I’ll see you outside the library at ten, how’s that?”  
“That’s great” he said bumping into someone coming along the aisle as he backed away “Thanks Taylor. I’ll see you then”  
Taylor leaned back in her chair, watching him dash out of the snack bar. ‘Well that takes care of physics’ she thought happily. Some skinny boy with acne and glasses was doing her history, and a fat sophomore with bad breath was doing her English. Now that her work was taken care of, Taylor looked around the room for someone she knew.  
She was about to go back to her room and take a nap, when a tall handsome boy stepped through the door. A tall handsome boy she recognised but didn't know. ‘You’ll do’ Taylor said to herself ‘You’ll do fine”

 

The aroma of burgers and french fries assaulted Nick as soon as he opened the snack bar door. He hadn’t realised how hungry he was. He and Ashton had had a few hours and decided to play some ball, but they’d gotten so engrossed in their game that they played through lunch.  
Nick joined the queue. Lately he was so completely caught up in basketball and the station and the team that he was always forgetting everything else. Especially Louis. A pang of guilt even stronger than his pang of hunger hit him. Out of the maybe twenty times in the last two or three weeks that he and Louis had arranged to meet, he must have forgotten at least half of them.  
He ordered a double cheeseburger and a double order of fries and leaned against a poster for the Halloween dance taped to the wall. Of the ten plans with Louis he hadn’t forgotten, at least five of them had to be cancelled because of something that came up with the team.  
Louis blamed him of course. Everything was his fault. He wasn’t making enough of an effort. But how much effort did he expect him to make when all he did when they were together was complain or sulk? Or ice him. He was always accusing him of not loving him anymore, but when he said he did love him, that he loved him so much that he wanted more than anything to spend the night with him, Louis froze up completely.  
‘I’m in a no win situation’ Nick told himself as he watched the guy at the grill flipping burgers ‘And I’m beginning not to care’ If there was one thing he was learning at university, it was that there were a lot of pretty girls around. Girls who were cool and smart and a lot of fun, the way Louis used to be. Girls who weren’t afraid of getting close, the way Louis was. Maybe after all this time he was more attracted to girls after all. It seemed to be such a waste to be gay when there was so many girls just desperate to get on their knees for him. Unlike Louis.

Something incredibly light and warm touched his arm “A penny for your thoughts, Nick Grimshaw?” said a female voice as gentle as a caress “A brand new shiny penny”  
Nick turned to find himself staring into the face of one of the most beautiful girls he had ever seen. Her perfume had not only obliterated the smell of the burgers, it had made him want to bury his face in her hair “Excuse me?” he said “Do I know you?” he was sure he didn’t. She wasn’t exactly the kind of girl you forgot.  
“No you don’t. But I know you. I look at your picture every day” she laughed “I guess you could say I’ve been admiring you from afar”  
Nick shook his head “I don’t think I….”  
She laughed again, extending her hand “I’m Taylor Swift. I share a room with Louis”  
Her grip was firm and lingering “He talks about you all the time”  
“Double cheese and fries!” the guy at the grill shouted, banging a plate down on the counter  
“Oh right” Nick hoped he was hiding his shock. From the description of Taylor he’d had from Louis, he’d expected her to look like the Wicked Witch of the West. “Taylor. Of course. Louis talks about you too”  
“Oh, isn’t he sweet..” Taylor smiled “I just love rooming with Louis. I come from Liverpool and I don’t know anyone here. I was so nervous about living with a boy. But I don’t know what I’d do without him. It’s not easy to make new friends is it?”  
Nick picked up his lunch, feeling even more annoyed with Louis than he had before. ‘This poor girl’ he was thinking. She was grateful to Louis, and all Louis ever did was complain about her.  
“I know” Nick said “It can be adjusting to uni. Especially when you come from another city and everything. You must be lonely”  
“I’d be devastatingly lonely if it weren’t for your boyfriend: she answered “It would be too awful to bear”  
Nick was sure he’s never seen a blue the colour of her eyes before. Not even in Louis. Were Louis’ eyes even blue?  
“Are you sitting with anyone?” he asked as he moved out of the queue.  
Taylor shook her head sadly “No, no. I’m on my own”  
“Well what do you know?” Nick said “So am I”  
Taylor brushed against him as she poured herself a soft drink “I can’t tell you how happy I am that I bumped into you”  
Nick was smiling. He was feeling pretty happy about it himself.

“Am i the only person in this entire university who does any work?” Louis slammed his laptop shut and picked up the last cookie in the box as another song started on the stereo across the hall. Shrieks of laughter rolled down the corridor. “They won’t be laughing when they fail” he told his desk lamp. The door to the room suddenly opened, letting in more laughter and a blast of music. Louis put his head on the desk. If Taylor was already back, he’d never get his work finished. “Is Taylor here?” Louis looked up to find one of Taylor’s many friends, a large, loud girl who lived on the floor above, staring at him accusingly. “She’s on a date” Louis said flatly ‘Now just fuck off’ he added to himself But the girl didn’t go away. Louis watched in speechless amazement as she walked into the room, stepping over the pile of Taylor’s dirty clothes that had been left in front of the door. “That’s alright” the girl headed straight for Taylor’s bedside table, rummaging around in the top drawer “I just wanted to borrow a couple of cigarettes” she held up a half empty packet and stuck it in her pocket “Tell Taylor I’ll pay her back tomorrow” Louis recovered his voice as the girl reached the door “Maybe next time knock” he snapped “I am trying to work” The girl threw him a disgusted look “They sure don’t call you a boring prick for nothing do they?” she asked “Do us both a favour and go have a fucking wank. Might loosen you up a bit!” The door slammed shut behind her. Louis could feel his face burning. The music got louder as a second stereo joined the first. Boring! He wasn’t boring! Let Nick, Stan and Taylor put all their energies into their social lives - he was going to do well at university. That was why he had come! Slamming his book shut, Louis got to his feet “That does it!” he shouted into the empty room “I’m going to the library where I can concentrate!” As he stomped down the hallway to the stairs, two girls carrying bags of crisps and bottles of drink passed him. “Where’s he going?” one of them half whispered. The other laughed “No where we would want to be”

 

The old Harry Styles had always done well enough in school, but he had never been a scholar. If there was a choice between playing a little football and hitting the books, the old Harry would have chosen running around on a field with sweat streaking down his body any day of the week. What had mattered to him was being Schizo Styles, all county champion and regional record breaker, the college player to watch. He could have anything he wanted, the world was his.

The new Harry Styles leaned back in his seat in the study area of the library, rubbing his eyes and twirling a pen between his fingers in the air. The new Harry Styles knew that if there was something you wanted, then you had to work hard for it; work hard and make it yours. He knew that the gifts the world gave you, the world took away.

Harry stretched out his arm holding the pen, but instead of feeling that satisfying crunch, his fist collided with a body moving past him and he ended up dropping the pen on the floor. Bending down to pick it up, he felt a crack to the side of his head as it slammed into the other head who turned out to be reaching for the same thing.  
“Oops” Harry groaned, eyes squinting in a wince, as his long fingers closed around the pen and he looked up, only for his eyes to slightly widen as he looked into the one and only face of Louis Tomlinson who was frowning and rubbing his forehead.  
“Hi” Louis squeaked, and without giving Harry a further glance, continued down the aisle and disappeared.  
Harry sat there slightly stunned by the interaction. He folded his arms on the table top and rested his head on them. He was tired. After his morning classes, he’d spent all afternoon and part of the evening at the University Website Office. The office had become a big part of his life. Harry didn’t get into campus activities or the uni social scene. He got A’s in his classes, but it was without really participating, and the only friend he had was Zayn. But he did enjoy being an investigative reporter for the websites news section. That was what Harry cared about; discovering the truth and making it known. He’d learned the hard way that fame and money were nothing to hold onto when things fell apart, but the truth was. The truth was one of the few things that might even be worth dying for.  
Harry was drifting off into a half dream where he was tearing down a dark runway wearing a Googleglass when he was disturbed by a low unpleasant male voice nearby.  
“Well whaddayaknow” the voice was saying “If it isn’t Mister Equality”  
Harry’s eyes blinked open, and he felt his whole body tense.  
A second male voice joined the conversation  
“How about going to the cinema with me tonight sweetheart?” it wheedled “Or are your affections just reserved for the Paki’s?”  
“Hey, don’t tell me you’ve gone shy all of a sudden” said the first voice “You had plenty to say at that Theta party”  
“You’re not very nice you know” the other one said “You don’t stick up for your own kind and you don’t talk to them either. I think we’re going to have to do something about that”

And then the boy finally spoke up. The boy who's voice Harry had been straining to hear.  
“Why don’t you just leave me alone” he asked “I’m trying to study”  
“Because we think there’s something you should learn here besides English” the taunting had become a threat.  
“I’m serious. Fuck off”

Harry couldn’t help but wonder where the hell Louis’ boyfriend was. In fact apart from seeing Louis wrapped around him, declaring his love for the man. Harry had never seen him with Louis. He always seemed to be on his own. Maybe he’d been wrong. Maybe he wasn’t Louis’ boyfriend. After all. Why would they not want to be with him all the time? Especially when he needed to be kept safe and looked after.

“Ooh, I’m really scared….” they both laughed unpleasantly “What if we don’t go away cutie? What are you going to do then?”

“He’s not going to do anything” Harry barely spoke above a whisper, but the effect was as though he had fired a gun. The two Sigmas had been bending down either side of Louis  
, but they straightened up immediately. Harry kept his eyes on them, not the beautiful face that had turned to him with relief.  
“Hey Styles” the larger one had said. He smiled.  
Harry didn’t smile back “I believe I heard Mr Tomlinson ask you to leave him alone” he said, his voice still hushed “And I believe that would be a very good idea”  
They both shrugged.  
“Sure. Whatever”  
“You’re losing your sense of humour Styles” the tall Sigma said “We were just having some fun”  
It wasn’t until they had left the study area that Harry finally allowed himself to look at Louis. For just a second their eyes met, for a second green met blue, and for just a second he considered losing himself in them.  
“Thanks” Louis said  
The second passed “You’re welcome” Harry replied, and he turned his back to him and returned to his books.

 

 

Harry stepped out of the library and into the night. His co-workers always joked that he was a workaholic “You don’t have to be here every spare minute” Mr Cowell, the head of the communications department, was always telling him.

He hurried across the quad. Sometimes he wondered if there might be some truth to the jokes. Especially now that Mr Cowell was threatening to get him a freshman trainee. “Even you can’t do everything yourself” he’d told Harry that afternoon “What happens if you get sick?”  
Harry looked at his watch. He’d arranged to meet Zayn for pizza an hour ago.  
He’d talked to enough psychiatrists and psychologists in the months right after the accident to know that he was overcompensating “You think if you’re always busy, you won’t have to think about what happened” one doctor had told him “But you are only fooling yourself”  
Harry cut across the lawn, heading for the science building, where, hopefully Zayn was still waiting for him.  
He wasn’t fooling himself though. Maybe he worked more than normal, but it wasn’t because he was trying to stop himself from thinking about the accident. He never stopped thinking about the accident. Not a day went by that the memory of it didn’t hit him like a sledgehammer. Not a night went by that it didn’t replay itself in his dreams. It was with him every second of every minute of every twenty four hours, and it always would be. He didn’t work the way he did because he wanted to forget what happened. He worked like that because he wanted to do something worthwhile with his life. It was his way of paying them back for what had been lost.  
Harry slowed as he noticed caramel coloured hair taking the library steps almost at a run. ‘Why is he always in there’ he asked himself ‘doesn’t he have a room?’  
He stopped to watch him until he disappeared through the heavy oak doors ‘Now what’s she overcompensating for?’ he wondered.

He might have been standing there thinking about Louis for the next hour if he hadn’t spotted Zayn, waiting under a tree. Zayn was always easy to pick out from a crowd or even from a distance because of his height and broadness. Harry waved.  
Zayn had just stepped onto the lawn when two figures came up behind him. One of them said something and Zayn stopped. ‘They probably just want the time’ Harry thought, but he stood straighter and tense and watchful.  
Zayn started to walk again. One of the men reached out to grab his shoulder, but Zayn was too fast. He kept walking, heading straight for Harry.  
They were close enough now that even in the dim light, Harry could recognise them. One was Matthew Spencer III and the other was his yes man Marcus Black. Their voices carried in the stillness of the night.  
“What’s the matter Malik?” Matthew was saying as they followed “You yellow as well”  
Zayn didn’t say a word.  
“He’s just a lousy coward who needs someone to fight his battles for him” Marcus shouted  
Harry held himself in check. It wouldn’t help Zayn if he stepped in now.  
Though they only continued to taunt and poke at Zayn, they stopped short of actually attacking him. Harry could only guess that Matthew and Marcus, aware of Zayn’s strength, weren’t quite sure how far they could push him. They had to know that if he wanted to, he could take on the two of them without any trouble.  
As soon as Zayn approached, Harry stepped away from the building and walked beside him.  
“I’m sorry I’m late” he said, acting as though he didn’t know Zayn was being followed, as though he didn’t know what was going on.  
“It’s all right” Zayn said “I figured you lost track of time”  
He could hear the Sigmas drop back as they came out onto the lighted path.  
Harry glanced at his friend. Even though he’d sworn to himself that he’d never ask, there were times when he couldn’t help but wonder why. Why did Zayn let those idiots push him around like that?  
“You think I’m a coward too?”  
Zayn’s voice was so normal, and the question so surprising, that for a second Harry wasn’t sure he’d heard him right “What?”  
“Do you think I’ve gone soft?” Zayn came to a stop under a street lamp and turned to face him  
“Come on, I know you must’ve thought about it. Why do you think I won’t fight anymore?”  
“Of course I’ve thought about it” Harry jammed his hands into his pockets, but looked straight into Zayn’s eyes “It doesn’t matter. You don’t have to explain yourself to me”  
“I know” Zayn shrugged “Maybe that’s why I want to”  
Harry didn’t interrupt him once. The two of them stood on opposite sides of the streetlamp, looking out across the campus, and Zayn told him about his brother. His big brother Javadd.  
All his life, Zayn had looked up to Javadd. He was a leader, so Zayn became a leader. Javadd was a fighter, so Zayn was a fighter “Don’t let anybody push you around” Javadd always told him “Not anybody”  
And Zayn didn’t. But last winter, Javadd had taken things a little too far. He’d gotten into an argument with some guys from Bradford and one of them had a knife.  
“So now he’s in a wheelchair for the rest of his life” Zayn said “It was a stupid argument Harry. A stupid argument over parking a car. None of them could even remember how it started” He shook his head. “Can you figure that out? A stupid argument over a car and now Javadd will never walk again. I never thought something like that would happen” Zayn said, as dead as his brothers legs “But now I think about it all the time”  
“There are some things in life worth fighting for” Harry said, his eyes on the moon “But not that many”  
“No” Zayn said “Not that many at all”

 

It was after midnight when Louis followed the path back to Heversham Hall. Exhausted, but relieved to have finished his work, he looked for a crack of light under the door of his room. It was dark. As late as it was, he knew Taylor probably wasn’t in bed. Taylor slept so little at night and so much during the day that Louis seriously wondered if she might be a vampire. Louis slowly opened the door. ‘And she certainly has a taste for blood’ he thought ruefully, remembering the fight they’d had that morning.  
Louis crossed to his desk and turned on the light. Taylor’s bed was unmade, as usual and empty. He threw his books with a sigh of relief. All he wanted to do was get into his own bed and sink into a deep sleep before the Vampire Queen came home. He sat down for a minute before stripping down to his boxers, just to relax. Curling into a ball under his duvet, he closed his eyes.

“Look at him” shrieked Taylor in a loud whisper “He even looks gay when he’s sleeping”  
A boy laughed. Louis looked around in his dream to see who it was.  
“Shhh” Taylor hissed “You’re going to wake it up”  
“We’re going to wake it up anyway” the boy spluttered. Something thudded to the ground.  
Shielding his eyes against the light, Louis turned again and again.  
“Maybe we should turn off the lamp” the boy whispered  
“I’ve got a better idea” Taylor said between giggles “Bombs away!”

Something soft and warm and smelling of tobacco fell over Louis’ head.  
He opened his eyes to darkness and laughter. There was something over his face. He could smell whiskey and tobacco. ‘I’m awake’ he told himself ‘I’m awake, the light is on, and there’s someone else in our room’  
He flung Taylor’s jumper from his head and sat up blinking.  
Taylor and a strange boy were sitting in a heap in the middle of the floor. Taylor, her makeup smudged and her hair tousled, was slumped against him, her arms around his neck. Even in his dazed state, Louis knew where the smell of liquor was coming from.  
“Uh-oh” said Taylor in a stage whisper “I think we’ve been caught”  
‘Don’t let them get to you’ Louis told himself, wishing that he’d got more clothes on than his boxers. He got to his feet with as much dignity as he could muster.  
“Get this guy out of here Taylor” he ordered  
Taylor struggled into sitting position, hanging onto her date “He’d not going anywhere queer boy! He’s staying here tonight!”  
“In my room!”  
Taylor staggered to her feet “It’s my room too!” she yelled “I can have whoever I want stay”  
Someone from the room next door pounded on the wall “Shut up! We’re trying to sleep!”  
“Well we’re not!” screamed back Taylor “And we’ll make as much noise as we want!”  
She slid back to the floor, her arms around the boy again “Won’t we baby?” she asked  
Louis was already out the door after throwing on a pair of baggy jeans and the nearest t-shirt he could find, bag flung over his shoulder, and didn’t hear his reply.

Blind with tears Louis raced out of the halls. He didn’t care how much noise he made, he just wanted to get as far from room 28 and Taylor as quick as he could.  
It wasn’t until the door of the building locked behind him that he stopped abruptly, gasping for air. What was he doing? Where could he go? The night was cold now; cold and moonless with only a scattering of stars.  
‘I’ll go to Nicks’ he told himself digging out his mobile, and dialling in his number as he walked, starting up the path, but the further he got into the darkness, the less it seemed like a good idea. The phone had gone to answer machine again, and what if he wasn’t there? Or worse, what if he was there and didn’t want him around?  
He didn’t even want to consider the possibility that he wasn’t alone. He slowed down. It had been so long since they had really spent any time together he couldn’t be sure of how welcome he would be now.  
Something scurried through the bushes. Louis began to pick up speed again. ‘Stan’ he decided ‘I’ll go there. No matter what’s happened between us in the last few weeks, he’ll be there for me now. He’s my best friend’  
Almost running now, Louis headed towards Stan and Zayn’s apartment. Memories of all the times Stan had stood beside him and comforted him, filled his mind as he raced down the road.  
But when Louis got there he realised he’d made another mistake. Stan wasn’t here. Not really. The boy’s light that was shining out of the fifth floor window was someone else. A guy who was probably pledging the most horrible fraternity in the world, who had no time for Louis anymore. Someone who would probably have a guy in their room tonight.

Louis shivered. He felt like he was the only person left on the grounds. He turned away from the apartment block and looked around nervously. His head was fuzzy, his legs ached from running, his stomach was in knots, and he had nowhere to go.  
Trying to be as quiet as possible, he forced himself into the middle of a nearby bush, leaning his back against the trunk, hugging his backpack to him, chest heaving, tears streaking down his face, as he deliriously fell in and out of consciousness, dozing fitfully and wondering how the world had started moving so fast, that it left him behind.


	8. Chapter Eight

Chapter Eight

‘It’s not true that I have no friends’ Louis consoled himself as he entered the study area. Since he came here every night, he’d begun to recognise the faces of regulars. At the front carrel was Danielle Peazer, a girl from his floor at Heversham. The man who had come to his aid the night the Sigmas were hassling him - Harry Styles - was sitting to one side and behind him, was a pale, sharp featured guy with longish blonde hair who often stayed late reading poetry books.  
Maybe they weren’t technically his friends, but just seeing these people made him feel he wasn’t completely alone. He smiled at Danielle as he passed her desk, and Danielle smiled back.  
‘Maybe I’m not the only one with roommate problems’ Louis thought. He had to go almost to the back to find an empty carrel. As he walked up the aisle, he could feel the icy blue eyes of the blonde boy on his face. Sometimes, walking across campus, he could feel someone watching him and would look up to find it was the same boy. Louis couldn’t decide if he liked the attention. Before he came to university, he would have thought nothing of an attractive guy noticing him, but his confidence was so low now, he wasn’t sure what it meant. He never tried to let him catch him looking back.  
It was Harry’s nod he responded to as he walked by. They hadn’t spoken since he stepped in for him with the Sigmas, but they always acknowledged each other. And sometimes when he looked into his face, he felt as though Harry could really be a friend.  
Louis chose the carrel behind Harry. ‘My home away from home’ he thought as he sat down. His relationship with Taylor had deteriorated so rapidly after the night he had fled from their room. He and Taylor never said a word to each other. Not one. Sometimes Louis would come to the room and find Taylor in deep conversation with one of her friends, but as soon as they saw him they clammed up. He figured they couldn’t always be gossiping about him.  
He took his laptop and a chocolate bar out of his bag and began to go through his notes. A flier fell out from between the pages. It was the big Halloween dance.  
COME TO THE ZOMBIE BALL! It said BRING THE GHOUL OF YOUR CHOICE!  
Louis jammed the paper back into his bag. Nick hadn’t asked him yet. Maybe he thought he wouldn’t want to go, because of all the rumours about the psychopath.  
Louis sighed. Or maybe he thought he wouldn’t want to go with him. If he did, what would he dress up as? A letter stamped return-to-sender? The invisible man?

Something made him turn around to catch another glimpse of the man with the high cheek bones and the piercing stare. If he went to the party he could probably go as Dracular. He could easily imagine in a blake cape and a blood-red tie. ‘Which means that Taylor, Vampire Queen would be his perfect date’ even as he thought crossed his mind, the boy looked up again, eyes almost seeming to reach out and catch hold of his. Blushing, he returned to his work.

 

Stan stood at the entrance to the stands, his eyes moving up the noisy crowd of students. Jade nudged him. “Up there! See? Where that massive banner is”  
Stan found the banner, and beneath it was a large group of Thetas and their boyfriends.  
“Jade, Stan! Come sit with us!” one of the Thetas was shouting.  
‘Why are you hesitating’ Stan told himself ‘A popular girl is shouting for you to go over. This is exactly what you wanted. They want you!’  
But his eyes continued to wander across the fans who had come to cheer on the football team in their first home game.  
Stan knew why he was hesitating. Because Ashton was nowhere to be seen, so he still scanned the stands searching for the basketball team, half hoping that Nick might spot him and call him to join them.  
“Stanley Lucas” Jade hissed at him “If you don’t start moving, I’m going to drag you up there”  
Stan knew he had to give in, and with a smile went and joined the group, Jade following him.  
“So what does everyone think?” asked Stan with a big grin as he squeezed into a seat besides Kimberley Walsh and her boyfriend Jason “Are we going to wipe the field with them?”  
Jason shook his head “We’ll be lucky if they don’t wipe the field with us” he said “Our team hasn’t been the same since Styles left”  
Stan nodded, squinting at the end of the stacks, hoping for a glimpse of that familiar face.  
“Oh come on” the guy sitting behind Jason said “It’s not that bad. Styles was a genius, but we’ve still got some good players”  
Kimberly groaned “Give us a break you two. Stan doesn’t want to hear about the legend of Schizo Styles and how the future of the team was ruined the day he quit”  
“Yes I do” Stan said, even though he was more interested in basketball players than football players “Who was this guy Styles? What happened to him?”  
Jason smiled at him in a way that made him realise he wasn’t the old Stan anymore.  
“Harry Styles was a phenomenal player. He made himself a legend in his freshman year, and then he just dropped out completely”  
“You mean football?”  
Jason shrugged “From football, from his friends….from everything”  
“Where is he now?” Stan half expected them to tell him he’d gone to live on a desert island by himself.  
Jason pointed to the field “Down there” he said “With the camera. All he does now besides go to classes is work for the campus website”  
“The regular guy must be sick or something” Kimberly put in “Harry’s a reporter, not a cameraman”  
Jason put his head close to Stan’s and pointed “You see him? Black t-shirt? Tattoos?”  
Stan nodded, but he didn’t see Harry at all. Far away as he was, he had suddenly recognised the man standing beside the cameraman, talking and nodding. It was Ashton.  
He sucked in a breath. ‘This is my chance’ he thought ‘Somehow or another, I have to talk to him by the end of this game’  
“See who I mean?” Jason asked still pointing  
“Oh yes” Stan said, his eyes still on Ashton “I see”

 

“It can’t be just a story” Niall was saying “There are too many details. The psychopath will be dressed in black. He’ll use a knife. The first victim will be a beautiful blonde….”  
The guy he was talking to, Ben Winston, groaned in exasperation “For fucks sake Niall, those aren’t details, they’re little extras people put in every time they tell the story again”  
Niall gave him a withering look “Oh sure. And I suppose naming Xavier Hall as the site of the murders is an extra too”  
Ben ran his hand through his hair in exasperation “But that’s just it” he argued “Whoever started these rumours chose Xavier Hall because it would make the stories seem real!”  
Perrie had only half been listening to the conversation whilst she idly scanned the seats for Zayn. She hadn’t seen him in a little while, and was starting to wonder if she had lost her touch. She turned to Niall.  
“Well it worked then. Everybody believes that something horrible is going to happen at the Halloween dance” she yawned “That’s all anybody talks about anymore”  
Niall laughed “Don’t tell me Perrie’s bored” he teased “Are serial killers so commonplace in your part of the UK that you have already tired out ours?”  
“it’s not that we don’t have that many psychopaths” Perrie smiled sweetly “We just don’t talk about them as much”  
Ben laughed “I’m with Pez. I’m sick of everybody talking about the Halloween Horror all the time, if people were that worried they would cancel the dance”  
Both Niall and Perrie looked at Ben as though the killer had suddenly materialised behind his head.  
“Are you crazy?” Perrie demanded “Cancel the dance just because of a little bloodbath”  
Niall gave him a shove “This is the first big social event of the year, you moron. Nobody is cancelling anything because of a few rumours”  
“So” Ben grinned slyly “Now it’s a few rumours…” he chuckled “Now pipe down” he demanded, turning his full attention to the field. “Games about to start”

 

Nick glanced at his watch again. What had happened to Ashton? He’d gone to get drinks at the beginning of half time, and now the second half was about to start and he wasn’t back yet.  
“Well hello stranger” said a voice sweeter than honey and twice as smooth “You saving this seat for me?”  
Nick turned. It was Taylor. Dressed in something tight and blue-green, her hair and eyes and lips all sparkling in the sun.  
“Sure” he said immediately shifting over “Sit down” now he found himself hoping that Ashton wouldn’t come back at all “You just get here?”  
Taylor squeezed in next to him “No, I’ve been here since the beginning” she pointed towards the field “I was down there with some girls from the halls when I noticed you sitting here on your own” she held out a box of sweets to him smiling shyly “If there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s a handsome man all by himself”  
Nick blushed. He’d never met a woman who was so direct with a compliment “I’m not supposed to be alone” he said. He meant he was meant to be with Ashton, but Taylor misunderstood him.  
“Louis busy as usual?” she asked gently  
Something in the way she said “busy as usual” made him look at her closely. Nick had been under the impression that he was the one who was busy. Not Louis. According to Louis, all he did was study.  
“Louis had an essay to do today” he said “I’m seeing him tonight”  
“Oh I’m glad to hear that Nick, I really am” she looked uneasily at the ground “It’s just that I won…worry about Louis, you know. He’s never in our room anymore. He’s gone by the time I wake up in the morning, and he doesn’t come back till I’m asleep” she sighed looking up at him out of the corner of her eye “Of course I know it’s because he’s working in the library all the time, but you can understand why I am concerned. Sometimes it’s like he never comes home at all and stays out all night”  
Nick couldn’t exactly understand “Well Louis was always a hard worker” he said “He’s always had strict priorities I suppose”  
Taylor touched his wrist “There are priorities and then there are priorities. I was hoping that when he said he couldn’t come to the game with us today, it meant he was going to be coming with you” her hand was warm and reassuring on his arm “I guess things are different where I come from” Taylor went on, her voice making him think of sultry nights and spanish moss “But I was raised to believe that a woman always makes time for her man”  
Nick hadn’t thought of it quite like that before, but she was right. Ever since they’d gotten to university, Louis had made no time for him. No effort. He wasn’t happy about his success and popularity and he certainly didn’t want to share in it. What Louis Tomlinson wanted to do was lock himself in a library when he should be on his arm!  
Taylor gently squeezed his arm “It’s like Granny always says, If you have no time to ride your horse, then maybe you shouldn’t have one”

 

It was wrong from the start. As excited as he was to having a real date with Nick - and to be out of the room for the night and not in a carrel in the library - Louis was nervous about what to expect from the evening. As he walked across campus he couldn’t shake the idea that what happened tonight might determine the fate of his and Nick’s relationship forever.  
What if after so many weeks of hardly speaking they couldn’t find anything to talk about? What if next to his new friends, he found her as dull as boring as everyone claimed that he was? What if his big jock conversation annoyed him as much as it had before? What if he tried to pressure him into sex again?  
And when he had opened the door to Nick’s room, to see his body so tense and his eyes somehow so suspicious that Louis immediately knew he’d been right. It was going to be wrong.  
“So” Nick said sitting down in a chair “Did you get all your studying done?”  
Louis nodded. No matter which direction he looked, his eyes always seemed to fall upon the bed.  
“How about you? Was it a good game?”  
Nick shook his head “Not really. We lost two - nil” he handed him a glass of water “Taylor was there”  
“Oh really?” Louis’ grasp tightened on the glass “I didn’t know you knew her”  
Nick stretched his legs “You know Lou, in all honesty I don’t know why you hate her so much. She’s really nice. She’s sensitive…”  
“She’s a two faced bitch!” the words were out of his mouth before he even realised they were in his head.  
Nick’s expression was surprised and irritated “Taylor really likes you a lot Lou. She’s as concerned about you as I am”  
“Concerned? You’re concerned about me?”  
Nick nodded “Of course I am”  
Louis banged his glass down “And how do you show this concern?” he demanded “By talking about me behind my back to Taylor?”

The weeks of frustration and loneliness and feeling abandoned all rushed through him like a very fast train.  
“That’s supposed to mean that ever since we’ve been here, you haven’t paid as much attention to me as you pay your basketball shoes”  
“I haven’t been paying attention to you?” Nick got to his feet “You’re the one who hasn’t been paying attention to me. You won’t even let me touch you”  
Louis stood up too “Since when does out relationship depend on how much I let you touch me? Since when does me not ready for you to fuck me mean I’m not paying you enough attention?”  
“That’s not what I said” Nick shouted “Stop putting words in my mouth!”  
“All right!” he shouted back “You tell me what it is that you want”  
Nick collapsed on the bed, his head in his hands. It was a sudden movement that Louis almost thought he was in pain.  
“All right” he said his voice muffled “I’ll tell you what I think” he raised his head, looking straight at Louis, his eyes full of sorrow “I think this isn’t working. I think I don’t want to be with you any more”  
Louis silently picked up his jacket.  
‘I’m ok” he told himself silently “Nick’s right. We’re not working and the quicker I get out of here the better’  
“I’m so sorry Lou” Nick said, his head buried in his hands again, sounding thick and muffled “I’m really, really sorry”  
Louis didn’t answer. He was already halfway running down the hall. Hoping to make it to the safety of the life before the tears began to fall.


	9. Chapter Nine

“isn’t it a small world?” Taylor asked “Imagine us both ending up at the same university. I had no idea you went here too” she slipped her arm into the arm of the man walking alongside her as they walked across the carpark behind Heversham Hall to his black Porshe.  
“We’re not walking on ice Taylor” he said, his voice itself like ice “There’s no need for you to hold onto me”  
Taylor ignored his rudeness. If there was anything she’d learned in her eighteen years, it was that you got nowhere in life by doing as you were told.  
“Don’t be like that William” she chided coyly “After all, our families have known each other for generations. And we did have that date last spring, didn’t we?”  
“You may call it a date” he drawled crudely imitating her accent “But I call it an exercise of genteel blackmail” He came to a stop extracting his arm and opened the door.  
A dark look came into Taylor’s face as she slid into the passenger seat, It was true that she’d had her father arrange for William White to be her escort to a ball last May, but she hadn’t realised how much of an ordeal William had found it. He had been less than gracious, but then again, considering where he was from, she hadn’t expected manners. It wasn’t manners that attracted her to him. It was his sensuous good looks and his slightly jaded, untamed air. Her instincts told her that he wasn’t just unique and mysterious, he was dangerous. In fact when it came to choosing a university, William Barrington White’s presence here was the most important. She’d been sure that once he realised she was nearby, he’d be all over her like flies at a picnic.  
She was smiling by the time he shut the drivers door. “Then what do you call this?”  
He started the engine “I call this a ride to the Sigma party” he put the car in reverse and backed out of the space. “And if I hadn’t been so surprised that you had the nerve to ask me to take you, you would be sure that I would have never said yes”  
Taylor pushed back a tangle of curls. She wasn’t used to rejection. Not from men. Men usually found her irresistible. She glanced over at William, his sharp, clear features, his piercing eyes, his longish blonde hair. She was clearly attractive as he was, or nearly, and her family had just as much money as his. Why was he so impervious to her charms?  
She ran her finger over the gear stick. “You know what I’ve always found amusing about you William?”  
“Don’t touch Taylor” he pushed her hand away “I know all about your weird sense of fun. One minute you’re fondling the shift, and the next you’re steering us into a ditch”  
She leaned back, gazing up at the sky, her hair blowing around her face “I’ve always thought it was amusing that your name’s White, but you dress all in black”  
They stopped at a red light.  
“Don’t you think that’s amusing William?” she purred. She waited for his usual sarcastic response and when it didn’t come, she straightened her head. William was staring to the right.  
“What’s the matter?” Taylor snapped “Why aren’t we going?”  
“Shut up” he ordered “Someone’s coming”  
She followed his gaze. Just reaching the pedestrian crossing was a boy wearing white jeans and a bright blue t-shirt. He didn’t glance at the car, just crossed the road.  
“Oh I don’t believe it” Taylor groaned “It’s like being followed by your own tail!”  
William was now looking to the left “What is?”  
Taylor pointed to the fleeting boy “That is” she sighed melodramatically “And of course he’s crying. I have never seen a man cry so much in my life!”  
For the first time since he picked her up, William was looking at her “You know that boy?”  
Taylor fished a cigarette out of her bag “Of course I know him. I live with him” she stuck her lighter “If you want to call it living”  
The car glided into motion again. “What’s his name?”  
Taylor turned her head, her eyes sharp as a cats. Was this possible? How was this possible? Please could it not be true, that the handsome, wealthy and enigmatic William White had rejected her only to be interested in that pathetic little twink?  
“Louis” she answered tonelessly  
“And you are his roommate?” he looked over at her “I guess this is a small world after all” he said with a smile.  
‘I am going to get you for this William White’ Taylor decided ‘Just you wait. I am going to make you fall in love with me if it’s the last thing I do’ she blew smoke in his face ‘And then I’m going to break your ugly little heart’

 

Harry was bent over his laptop, doing a rough cut of his feature about the psychics predictions for Halloween night. He was dimly aware that the snack bar and the coffee house had been decorated with orange and black streamers and jack-o’-lanterns. He’d even noticed paper skeletons in the classrooms and the black cat taped to the door of his halls. In corridors he overheard people talking about masquerade parties and the Halloween dance, but none of that really meant anything to him. All Halloween meant to him was the final chapter in his mini-documentary: “What Happened That Night”  
Harry leaned back, rubbing his eyes. He was pleased with what he had so far. He’d interviewed the psychic, Barnabas Montoya, and several other people who regularly consulted him. Then he’d done an overview of the campus, line cutting interviews with students in which he’d asked them if they believed the predictions or not, and ending with Harry himself standing in the middle of the empty gym at Xavier Hall, wondering what October 31st might bring.  
He ran a hand through his hair. From what he could tell, and he had spoken to a lot of people, old Barnabas was no more than your average lucky guesser - and not always that.  
Harry had a hunch that he was just trying to drum up a little extra business for himself. In fact when he sat down and talked to him, his predictions for Halloween night were a lot more vague than those of the students he’d questioned.

All over campus people were saying that the killer would have a knife, that his first victim would be a beautiful blonde, and that he’d strike just before midnight. One boy Harry talked to even described the psychopath in detail, saying he would be dressed all in black with a black ski mask over his face.  
“What colour shoes?” Harry had asked, but the kid hadn’t seen the joke.  
No one else saw the joke either, which is why he had wanted to make the documentary, to show how rumours get started and take on a life of their own.  
Harry stared into his steaming cup of coffee. Doing the edit, he’d realised that there was something about the whole business that was disturbing him in a real way, but couldn’t quite put his finger on what it was. Just a feeling. He didn’t believe in Barnabas Montoya’s killer, but he did believe something was going to happen - something nasty.

When Harry separated the actual prediction from the fantastic stories that had built up around it, there was one strand of rumour that gave him a chill. The blonde. Barnabas had sworn that he’d never said anything about victims at all, but everyone had heard about the beautiful blonde. And no one remembered exactly where.  
Harry put down his coffee and went back to the edit. It wasn’t just this mysterious blonde that he was worried about. He’d been worried about Matthew Spencer getting his own back on Louis ever since the party all those weeks ago. Was he in danger too?

Harry glanced at his watch. He didn't have much time. Mr Walsh, the station advisor, had arranged for him to spend the rest of the afternoon training the new intern who had been recommended by the English department.  
He hadn’t even bothered to disguise his anger about this. “I can’t believe I’m getting a freshman” Harry had raged “How can you expect me to waste my time training a freshman? Are you crazy? We hardly even take on sophomores”  
But Mr Walsh wasn’t interested in Harry’s complaints. He’d had assurance of the head of English that this guy was really hot, a seasoned journalist with real style and flair.  
Soon Harry was deep in his work again, his worries about blondes, boys with death wishes and his complaints about freshmen forgotten. He was so engrossed that he didn’t know someone had come into the room, until he felt a hand on his shoulder.  
“Fuck!” he snapped “Why don’t you knock?”  
“I’m sorry” came a delicate shy voice “I didn’t mean to startle you. Mr Walsh just told me to come straight in”  
Harry swung around, his eyes bugging out of his head, finding himself looking into the gorgeous sea blue eyes of Louis Tomlinson.  
Louis smiled, and it was as though someone had turned up the lights to full voltage  
“It’s you!” he said in amazement  
“It’s me” was all Harry could think of to reply.

 

Louis was in a good mood as he hurried back to his room. In fact. He was in a great mood - the best mood he had been in weeks. And he had Harry Styles to thank. Since he had started working with him at the website, he’d rediscovered the excitement he used to feel when working on news stories and documentaries. Just like he used to feel when reporting for his college site.  
‘How could I have forgotten how much I love this’ he wondered as he opened the door to his room. How could he have forgotten how nice it was to work with someone who was funny, intelligent and as excited about a story as he was?  
Louis sat down on the bed to open the parcel that his mum had sent him. He hadn’t been planning on going to the Halloween dance, but he was feeling so much more confident these past few days that he’d called her and asked her to send him his favourite costume he’d worn last year, just incase he had decided to go after all.  
He unwrapped the long realistic black cats tail and large soft cat ears that were attached to a headband. All he needed was his tight black skinny jeans, a tight black t-shirt and a bit of eyeliner and he’d be a gorgeous sexy kitty cat. He knew he looked hot in this outfit. A lump formed in this throat and gut as he remembered how Nick had first seen him. His eyes had darkened with obvious attraction and pounced on him, lifting him up by his thighs and pressing him up against the wall, his hands grabbing at his bum, frantically kissing him and moaning into his mouth as Louis had pretended to purr.

Louis quickly shook off the memory and after quickly showering and blow drying his hair to it was pleasantly soft, silky and kitten like, he pulled out his favourite skinnies and stepped into them. But something was wrong. He couldn’t pull them up.  
Louis had always had rather thick thighs. It was something he’d always been a self conscious about, especially since his bum was also rather on the large side and it had taken a lot of persuasion, compliments and attention from Nick to reassure him that he adored his curves and encouraged him to wear the tightest trousers and shorts that he could find.  
However. This had never happened before. He hopped towards the full length mirror and critically examined himself, giving the trousers another tug that nearly made him topple over.  
“I don’t understand!” he moaned tugging at them again desperately “I always wear these!”  
But he couldn’t deny what was in front of him in the mirror. His thighs were definitely visibly chunkier, as were his hips and stomach. His bum, if possible, had got even larger, and with great dismay he realised that even his face looked a little swollen. He looked like one of those people in before and after pictures, and pathetically he was one hundred percent the before picture.  
It was only when he sat down, looking rather pathetic in just his boxers, trying not to look at the extra tummy that rolled up where he hunched over, with his too small jeans around his ankles, that he realised that he only had himself to blame.  
Weeks and weeks of stressful, lonely comfort eating had led to this. Only the way the results showed. He hadn’t been comforting himself, he had been eating himself into a coma.  
Louis looked into the mirror again and wondered how many calories crying would burn off.  
Out of habit he reached onto his bedside table for a cookie that he’d yet to finish off and was about to put it into his mouth when the rational part of his mind started prodding at him. He’d been about to eat the cookie to make him feel better, but that was exactly what got him feeling so bad in the first place. Was this why Nick and Stan had abandoned him?  
Throwing the offending piece of food in the bin, along with the rest of the bag, he sprayed the whole lot with a large dose of Taylor’s hairspray. Unfortunately he knew that he wasn’t above picking the box out of the bin later.  
He’d been letting himself slide ever since he had come to university and it wasn’t until he had started his internship at the website that he realised how bored he’d been. He’d been so sad and lonely and depressed that he had been burying himself in his classes thinking that if he was busy then he was really all right.  
But his afternoons with Harry had made him realise he was wrong. The thrill and the buzz of working on something substantial like a news story had come back to him.  
Feeling a little stronger minded. He went straight to his desk and pulled out his emergency supply of chocolate bars, adding them to the wastebasket, taking them out of their wrappers and spraying them with hairspray. Maybe it was time he faced things honestly. Starting with his waistline.

 

“But it doesn’t make any sense” Zayn was saying over the din of the snack bar “Why would the Sigma’s start a rumour like that?”  
Harry pointed a french fry at him “You’re the one who used to be a Sigma. You tell me”  
Zayn shook his head “I can’t. It doesn’t make sense. What I was in the Sigmas, they were into climbing mountains and working out, not spreading psycho stories”  
“When you were in the Sigmas, the president wasn’t Matthew the dick” Harry pointed out  
“You think that has something to do with it?”  
Harry shrugged. He’d followed his feeling about the Halloween rumours and spent an afternoon in the cafeteria, asking everyone who came in what they’d heard and where. Most people had no idea, but a few of them said they’d heard about the blonde at a Sigma party.  
“If I’m right and it is the Sigmas who started all this, then you can bet Matthew is at the bottom of it”  
Zayn chewed thoughtfully on his burger “If he’s at the bottom of it, then you can be sure it’s not a practical joke. You know what he’s like. He did it for a reason, and you can bet your credit limit it won’t be pleasant”  
“You know him better than anyone” Harry picked up another fry “You’ve outguessed him before. What do you think it could be?”  
Zayn laughed “Well that’s easy. Matthew only goes after people for one of three reasons: ego, jealousy or revenge”  
“Ego, jealousy or revenge” Harry repeated “Now I just have to figure out which one it is”


	10. Chapter Ten

The Xavier Hall gym was draped in jack-o’-lanterns and skull lights and black and orange paper chains. Waterfalls of coloured cellophane dripped from ceiling and ghosts and witches dangled in midair.  
Taylor stood in the doorway like an actress about to take the stage. Although she’d had several invitations to the dance, she’d decided to go by herself. She didn’t want some guy who thought he owned her cramping her style.  
Across the room, dressed as Count Dracula, she could see William, looking so handsome and smug that he stood out against the crowd like a moon against a black sky. No, he definitely didn't want anybody getting in her way tonight.  
Taylor’s bracelets jangled as she adjusted one of her thin scarves across her breasts. She had chosen her costume with care. She wanted to make a statement. She moistened her lips with her tongue and shook out her hair as she slowly began to make her way across the gym. She’d wanted something that would melt every man at the dance, even the cold-blooded Mr White. She could feel the male eyes following her as she walked, her scarves trailing, her bracelets tinkling, and her movements tempting. A satisfied smile appeared on her beautiful face. That was what she’d wanted, and that was what she had achieved.  
Or almost achieved. Even Taylor could see that the look William gave her as she came up to him was not exactly the look of a man hopelessly melting with desire.  
“Transparent” was the only word he uttered  
She let one of her scarves fall carelessly across his arm. He was bluffing. Even he couldn’t be this immune to her. He was human wasn’t he? He was made of flesh and blood.  
His eyes moved from her gold sandals to the beads woven through her hair “Subtlety has never been your strong point Taylor” he said “Whose head are you after tonight?”  
Taylor laughed brushing against him “You don’t need to worry” she said softly “I like your head where it is”  
He picked up a glass “I wasn’t worried” he said as he turned away “You’re the last person I’d lose my head over”  
She watched the silk scarf fall from his arm. Did he really think she would give up that easily? Did he really think he could resist her forever? Taylor took a step to follow him, but then she saw Matthew Spencer III dressed as a skeleton, coming towards her. Matthew might not be William, but he was handsome and powerful and wealthy. And she could tell from the smile on his face that he appreciated her costume in the way she had intended.  
‘You’ll do for now’ Taylor decided as she looked his way. What William needed was a little competition. A challenge. She knew he was enough like her to want something that belonged to someone else. Taylor looked straight into Matthew’s eyes ‘Yes, you’ll do fine’

‘I should have stayed in my room’ Louis decided as he tried to hide behind a clown, a flower and a giant box of cornflakes. ‘I was crazy to come’  
He tugged at his costume. He had managed to salvage his cat outfit by sadly taking a pair of black jeans and t-shirt that used to be a little too big for him. Now they were both skin tight, but luckily they pulled him in snugly in all the right places and with a few carefully applied whiskers, a little black nose and rimming his eyes with black, he managed enhance his kitten look with his precious ears and tail.  
‘You don’t have to stay’ he told himself as he hovered at the edge of the dance ‘you can check it out and leave’  
His eyes searched the crowded room. Deep in his heart, he knew exactly why he had come. He wanted to see Nick.  
“I really am crazy” he mumbled to himself as he pushed his way further into the room. What was the use of running into Nick? He was right: things weren’t working between them; they were better off apart. But then he felt someone staring at him and his heart began to race. “Nick” he thought “He’s here, he’s looking for me too’  
Unable to stop himself, he turned to see who it was. It was a guy in a black bodysuit and hood, skeletal bones painted on it in pale blue, luminous paint. His black mask was hanging around his neck so he could see he was watching him intensely, but not with yearning or regret; he was watching him with loathing. Louis raised his chin and stared back. He wasn’t going to let a creep like Matthew intimidate him.  
Grabbing his tail, Louis marched over to a group of girls he recognised from one of his classes. He’d hang around with them for a few minutes, then go home.  
When he reached them however, they were so engrossed in their own conversation that he felt too shy to interrupt. Louis stepped back against the wall trying to give the impression that he was waiting for someone. His eyes scanned the room, taking in all the beautiful people in their sexy, slinky costumes. Feeling spectacularly unattractive, Louis turned his gaze to the other side of the room.  
‘I don’t believe it!’ Louis stared across the room. The man from the library, the one with the piercing eyes and the cool good looks, really had come as Dracula. But what was even more amazing was that he was talking to Taylor. At least, Taylor was talking to him. ‘What could an intelligent man see in her?’ Louis wondered.  
Very little apparently. Louis felt a small zing of joy run through him as he suddenly stalked away, leaving Taylor standing by herself. Louis couldn’t resist a little smile. ‘That’s better’ he thought.  
The smile grew when Matthew Spencer materialised beside Taylor. They were the perfect couple. They were both arrogant and they were both stupid. It should give them plenty to talk about.  
He was glad Dracula didn’t like Taylor. He just didn’t ask himself why.

 

Stan leaned against Ashton as he slipped his arms around him from behind and coaxed his head back onto his shoulder. Stan was happy being there, but there was something tugging on his concentration. Even though his eyes didn’t want to, they kept going back to Louis. Stan’s life had been so busy and exciting since school began that it had been easy not to think about Louis. But now he couldn’t help wondering what had gone wrong. How could so many years of closeness go so quickly?  
“It’s a shame about Louis and Nick isn’t it?” Ashton asked, obviously thinking similar thoughts as they both causally watched the little kitten fidgeting against the wall on the other side of the room, touching his ears and playing with his tail.  
“From what I understand, they really went through a lot together. They really loved each other” he rested his head on Stan’s “They had the kind of relationship I could imagine having with….with someone like you”  
Stan turned to look in his eyes, Louis and his problems fading once again “Maybe we should dance” he suggested “Before I think you have had way too much to drink!”

 

A lean figure, all in black from his boxers to his knitted beanie, moved unseen through the night, circling Xavier Hall as silently as a bat. When he reached the rear entrance he stopped, listening.  
Harry had chosen his costume carefully. He couldn’t risk anything bright or flamboyant or anything that could be easily spotted in the dark. Harry hadn’t come to the Halloween dance to have a good time. He’d come to keep Louis safe. Maybe he couldn’t be of help to the unidentified beautiful blonde victim, but he was going to make sure that Louis was alright.  
Satisfied that there was no one hiding outside, Harry slipped soundlessly through the door. As soon as he reached the gym, his eyes began to search the crowd for the cat he’d seen arrive earlier. But all he seemed to see were skeletons. There were skeletons by the refreshment table. Skeletons by the front door. Skeletons dotted across the dance floor. Harry frowned, and they were all Sigmas. Obviously, he wasn’t the only one who wanted anonymity tonight.

A sudden flash of tail all at once caught his eye in the centre of the room. Harry’s stomach knotted and did a double flip. His back was to him, but there he was. In the arms of one of the Sigma skeletons.  
“What’s he doing with that tosser?” Harry muttered. Talking about dicing with death. There was Louis dancing with it. It was a good thing he wasn’t the type to get involved or he’d just go over there and drag him away from Jack by the tail!  
Whilst Harry watched, his heart pounding and his jaw set, the couple turned. “It’s not him!” he whispered aloud. He’d made a mistake. That wasn’t Louis. That was some stranger. For the first time all evening Harry smiled. ‘I knew he was too smart to go for a shit like that!’  
Almost laughing with relief, Harry resumed his search. And then he saw him. Standing all alone at the other side of the gym. Harry’s heart did another flip. How could he ever mistake anybody else in the world for Louis. There was just something about him that made him stand out, something no one else could even try to achieve.  
Harry stared at the face that seemed to have been burned into his memory. He’d assumed that he would have had a date tonight and he’d just have to watch him from afar. But he clearly didn’t. Where was the guy who had been all over him that night? The one he was in love with? This was something he couldn’t stop wondering every time he saw Louis alone.  
It’s not like I’m trying to pick him up or anything. He told himself, as he slowly started across the room. But it’ll be a lot easier to keep him safe if I’m right beside him.  
Halfway across the gym, Harry saw something that made him stop in his tracks. Three skeletons were slipping out one of the side exits and Harry was pretty sure that the one in the lead was Matthew.  
‘What are they up to?’ he wondered, torn between going to Louis and following them.  
Whatever the Sigmas were unto, he knew it was trouble. Harry looked around for Zayn. If he was going to follow the Sigmas, maybe he should at least have a little moral support.

As far as Perrie was concerned, the psychics prediction had come true. There was a psychotic loose at the Halloween dance. Only his weapon wasn’t a knife, it was probing hands and a filthy mouth - and he happened to be her date.  
“You know what I like best about you Perrie?” Daniel’s voice was thick and low in her ear.  
Perrie tried to pull away, but he was holding her tightly.  
“Your body” his hand slid down her back again, trying to find a spot not protected by folds of sheet. “That was the first thing I noticed about you, that body, not that you can see much of your body in that costume” he was saying “What are you supposed to be, some Greek god or something?”  
“Or something” Perrie mumbled, willing the music to end.  
“You know what you should have come as” his voice was husky “A harem girl. You know, one of those belly dancers? You would have looked great”  
‘And you should have come as Jack the Ripper’ Perrie thought. Maybe she could say she was going to the ladies room and sneak back to her room. She’d be better off sitting by herself in the dorm watching some Halloween horror film than being here with this moron, living a Halloween horror of her own.  
His tongue, a fat, slug like thing, started twisting its way into her ear “Why don’t we go somewhere where you could take that stupid costume off?” he half whispered, half moaned.  
This time, by applying a little discrete pressure with her knee, Perrie managed to put a few inches between them. “I don’t want to go. I want to stay here” she pressed her arms against his chest.  
“But I don’t” the music stopped, but instead of stepping back, he put his hand flat on the base of her spine “I want to go somewhere and take that sheet off you”  
His tongue darted for her ear but she dodged it.  
Perrie’s temper finally exploded. ‘I want to go somewhere and take that sheet off you? Was he kidding?’  
This time she gave him such a fast, hard shove that he lost his balance and staggered backwards a few steps “I’m not going anywhere with you” she informed him “I Wouldn’t go anywhere with you if you were the last man on the planet!”  
He lunged forward, grabbing her wrist hard.  
“Oh yes you are” he leered “And you’re going now. I’m tired of this stupid dance. I want to have a private party, just me and you”  
She tried to free her hand, but he was twisting the skin so hard that it hurt “You can have your private party by yourself” she hissed “How clear can I make it? I don’t want to have anything to do with you”  
The music started up again, and his arm wrapped around her like a tentacle of an octopus “I don’t care what you want. You came out with me, and you’re leaving with me” he pushed against her “You’ve been leading me on all night baby. You can’t stop now”  
His mouth was to her neck, which meant that her mouth was to his neck. But she wasn’t going to waste her breath telling him again that her name was not baby. Instead, she bit him as hard as she could. With a cry of pain he released her, and she started pushing her way through the crowd.  
He was right on her heels. “So you like to fight do you?” he asked grabbing her from behind “I like a girl who likes to fight. Let’s go outside where we can really get down to it” Holding her so that she could barely breathe, he started steering her towards the exit.  
Suddenly Perrie was really frightened. Once he got her away from the dance, she would have no chance of escape. She searched desperately for a face she knew. Or even a face she didn’t know. Why was there never a knife-wielding psychopath around when you wanted one?  
Daniel shoved her out of the door, into the reception of the gym, mumbling obscenities all the while, his hand trying to find a way into her sheet.  
She would scream, that’s what she’d do. She’d start screaming like crazy. There were enough people milling around that someone would hear her and realise she wasn’t just fooling around. The closer they got to the front doors, the more panicked she felt.  
Perrie opened her mouth to let out a wail, but suddenly Daniel let her go.  
“I don’t think she really wants to go with you” a deep strong voice said right behind her.  
Perrie swung around. Zayn Malik was standing beside Daniel, holding him by the arm. Daniel pulled himself free “It’s none of your business Malik” he smiled slyly “we’re just having a lovers argument” the slyness eased into menace “If you know what’s good for you, you’ll just go back to whatever hole you crawled out of and leave me and Perrie alone”  
Zayn looked at Perrie “is that true Pezza? Do you want me to go away, or is this guy giving you a hard time?”  
Perrie moved towards Zayn “he’s giving me a hard time, Zayn. He’s….”  
“Don’t listen to her….”  
Daniel made a grab for Perrie, but Zayn stepped between them.  
“Perrie doesn’t want to go with you Daniel” he said calmly “So maybe you should leave”  
“Don’t let him talk to you like that” said another voice from the side

Perrie turned around, her panic rising again. She had been so focused on Daniel and Zayn that she hadn’t noticed they’d been joined by several other skeletons. She looked around the faces, expecting to see Matthew’s but she didn’t.  
“Don’t worry about Zayn” another skeleton said “He’s not going to do anything”  
Zayn eyed them uneasily. Perrie studied the side of his face. It was fear that she saw there, but somehow it wasn’t the fear of getting hurt in a fight. It was something worse.  
She touched his back “let’s just go Zayn”  
Zayn nodded “I’m taking Perrie home now” he said quietly “You and your friends can just step aside”  
The Sigmas laughed “Oooh. You’re scaring us!”  
Perrie slid her hand into Zayn’s.  
The punch was so sudden that Zayn staggered back, losing his grip on her.  
Perrie screamed.  
The skeletons laughed again.  
This time Daniel managed to get a hold of Perrie and yanked her to his chest.  
“I’m warning you paki” he hissed “If you don’t mind your own business, you’re really going to be sorry”  
One of the Sigmas gave Zayn a shove from the side. Shouting more taunts at him.  
Perrie couldn’t look into Zayn’s eyes because she was afraid of what she would see there, so she looked at his hands instead. They were so tightly clenched his knuckles were snow white. He was going to back down again, she could sense it. The Sigmas could sense it too.  
Daniel patted her hip “Let’s get out of here baby” he smiled at Zayn “I think your saviour would rather go back to his room and play solitaire”  
Perrie looked at Zayn, her eyes filling with tears.  
“Let her go” Zayn said  
One of the Sigmas reached out and ruffled his hair “You’re scaring us” he taunted  
“Let her go”  
The Sigmas just laughed.

 

Harry stopped abruptly in the reception. He’d found the Sigmas. A bunch of them anyway. And he’d found Zayn too. He’d walked in upon a scene so charged he could feel the violence in the air. Daniel was holding Perrie by the wrist, and he and his fellow Sigmas surrounding Zayn.  
“Zayn!” he heard Perrie cry as the Sigmas closed in “Oh, God!”  
Harry felt his body tense up, poised for a fight. He knew this could get ugly. They weren’t just threatening Zayn this time. He studied Zayn’s calm face and saw there was a strange look of calm.  
And then Zayn’s face changed. Before Harry knew what had happened, Zayn had hauled off and punched Daniel with such force that Daniel staggered back against the wall and fell to the ground.  
The other Sigmas were even more surprised than Harry was. They seemed to be frozen. Zayn, ready to strike “Does anybody have anything else they’d like to say to me?”  
Nobody did  
He turned to leave, giving a last look at Daniel, who was getting shakily to his feet, his nose and mouth already grotesquely swollen “Don’t mess with me man, ever”  
Tucking Perrie under his arm, stroking her hair and holding her close to him to try and stop the shaking, Zayn spotted Harry at the door. Their eyes met and Zayn just shrugged “It’s not that those morons are worth fighting” Zayn explained, as the two of them walked out into the cool night. He smiled a small crooked smile “But if my brother saw the way they were messing with me, he’d take them all himself. And the man can’t even walk”

 

Louis looked at his watch again, trying to pretend that he hadn’t been standing against this wall for over an hour completely alone.  
Why had he ever come to this dance? Just because of a few hours working at the website had made him forget how awful things really were? Just because he thought that Harry would be here and they’d be able to talk and joke the way they did at the studio? Just because, at the back of he is mind, he’d half hoped that with everyone in disguise he might be able to loose some inhibitions, that it would be possible to patch things up with Nick and Stan.  
Well he’d been wrong. Stan hadn’t given any sign that he’d seen him, even though he’d tried to catch his eye. Eventually he had stopped trying. He didn’t need to torture himself by seeing how happy he was with his new boyfriend.  
And as for Nick, neither he or Harry seemed to have come to the party at all.  
It was time to give up. Louis moved towards the exit, feeling as though if he had real whiskers they would be drooping.

And that was when he saw him. It was a sight that chilled him to the bone. It was a sight that sucked the breath out of his chest and tied a knot in his neck. It was a sight where he suddenly acquired tunnel vision, everything apart from what he was focusing on blurring and turning red. His legs began to shake, if he could concentrate he would have feared he was going to collapse at the knees, that his heart was going to beat right out of its chest.  
It was Nick. And someone else. Someone who he had pressed up against the wall, holding them by the thighs just like he used to hold Louis.  
Only right now he was grinding his crotch against them, kissing them so deeply that he could see their tongues furiously working against each other every time they had to breathe.  
Louis felt like he was going to faint. His ears were buzzing, his muscles were tensing up as he clenched and unclenched his fists by his side.  
It was a girl. His ex boyfriend who was gay, was pressing a girl up against the wall, Hands gripping her bare thighs, and she was grinding against his crotch, blatantly not caring who was around to see them. Her fingers were in his hair, and Louis was sure he could see a purple mark on the side of Nick’s neck.  
This could not be happening. All at once, the weeks of pain and suffering and ridicule and weight gain and humiliation came flooding back to him in one go. He felt every single emotion he’d felt before, only this time they had been intensified by a million. Every ignored phone call, every missed date, every cancelation, every time he had been forgotten and ignored and neglected and laughed at, because he was little pathetic helpless Louis! He could just be stomped all over, heart ripped to shreds and yet he sill came to he party tonight wearing an outfit that his ex loved, because he was desperate for said boy to love him again.  
Weeks of anger and resentment and thinking he was crazy, just rose to the surface, bubbling out from under his skin, sparks shooting from his eyes.  
And he just remembered, that this kitten had claws!

 

Harry had been looking around the gym for Louis when he heard a loud shout of indignation.  
Following the noise he came across Louis and the same man he’d seen him with before. Louis was looking up at him, fully enraged, his cheeks red, his eyes narrowed and his little fists were balled at his sides.  
Nick was a couple of feet away from him, his arm around a tall willowy brunette who was smirking at Louis like he was some little child that needed humouring out of its bad mood.  
“Who are you?” he demanded to the girl, glaring at her, and totally ignoring Nick.  
“Eleanor” the girl replied cautiously “And you are?”  
“Nick’s ex boyfriend” Louis snapped at her “Did you know he’s gay?”  
“Fuck off Louis!” snarled Nick “Stop being such a drama queen and leave me and my girlfriend alone”  
Harry watched as Louis’ face went white and he went dead still, not blinking, not making a sound, standing as still as a statue.  
Then there was a loud crack, followed by a shout of pain.  
Louis’ fist had shot out so quickly that Nick had no way of being to block the incoming punch that hit him in the jaw.  
“Girlfriend?” he spluttered “I was your boyfriend for two fucking years! We broke up three days ago!”  
For the first time Eleanor spoke up “I think you’re mistaken kitty” came her patronising tone “Three nights ago he took me iceskating and then dinner”  
So. Whilst Louis was crying at home after Nick had cast him aside. The man he had been pining over was dating someone else - a girl! Minutes after breaking up with his long term boyfriend.  
“You’re disgusting!” he spat at Nick and showed exactly how disgusted he was, with a swift kick to his crotch.  
He turned to Eleanor “Good luck with him” he sassed at her “He’s a right faithful and loyal catch!”  
Then, looking slightly pale. He shot Nick one more determined look and marched towards the exit.


	11. 100% Larry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter is all Harry and Louis :) I hope it's alright. Lots of Larry to come.

“Louis!”   
At the sound of Harry’s shout, Louis started to run faster. The sight of Nick kissing someone else had brought all the loneliness back, but seeing that he was kissing a girl, just made him feel more insecure. Having a go at them had made him all wobbly and the punch, although it made him feel good to do it, really hurt his hand! He was completely disorientated.

He ignored the shout. He didn’t want to talk to Harry right now, didn’t want anyone to come near him - which was ironic since the main source of pain for him had been how nobody wanted to be near him at all!

“Louis!” his grip on his shoulder was so strong and so sudden that he had to stop. Harry turned him around to face him and with both hands on his shoulders leaned down slightly so they could be eye to eye.  
“Where are you going?” he asked gently, still concerned that Louis wasn’t safe outside in the dark on his own “Let me walk you there”

Even more ironic. His best friend and the boy he thought sure was his one true love hadn’t given a thought to him in weeks, and here was a virtual stranger worrying about his safety. The stupid thing was, that instead of making him feel better, it made him feel worse. Instead of feeling gratitude, it made him feel angry.

“I have to go” he gasped, struggling a little under Harry’s hands. But instead of letting go, Harry held onto him, holding him securely. Harry made the effort to search his face for eye contact, and for the first time Louis noticed how perfectly green Harry’s eyes were as he looked deeply into them, seeing more compassion and care in them than any he had seen over the past few weeks “Please Lou, come with me to mine. I’ll make you something to eat, we can get out of the cold and we can talk, and you can tell me anything that you want to”  
“I don’t want to talk about it!” Louis couldn’t help but snap. He didn’t want to argue with Harry, but the adrenaline from the situation was swarming through his veins like a virus. He tried to shrug the boy off him. But he was strong, which was starting to irritate and comfort Louis in equal measures.  
“Ok. We won’t talk” stated Harry simply “But I don’t want to leave you on your own”  
“Why not?” Louis’ tone was harsh and bitter “You don’t see anyone else running after me do you. Plenty of people would rather I was on my own. Why don’t you do one and go join them?”  
He set his eyes in a steady glare, and tried to ignore the slight fluttering sensation in his tummy he was getting from somewhere.  
Harry was nothing if not patient.   
“I’m not people” he responded calmly, and although he didn’t loosen his grip on Louis’ shoulders, he did begin to slightly massage them soothingly “I’m Harry. Styles. I have my own opinions. I make my own choices. I want to spend time with you”  
He tried to glare back, but barely managed a second before his lips twitched into a full on smirk.  
“I’m sorry” he continued, laughter in his voice “I know you’re trying to look mean and nasty….but really Lou…you have whiskers drawn on your face!”

Louis couldn’t help but let out a small sad sounding giggle. He gave another half hearted little shuffle to get away but he was feeling confused again. The anger was seeping out of him with each caressing stroke of long fingers on his neck muscles, tension fading, anxiousness evaporating. 

Slowly but surely, Louis nodded. Harry nodded too and straightened up. His hands left Louis’ shoulders, but his left hand grasped hold of Louis’ right and linked their fingers together.  
Louis looked up at him in surprise at the gesture, but Harry just smiled gently and led him across campus to his apartment where he lived in the flat two floors up from Stan and Zayn.

They walked in silence, Harry holding Louis’ hand carefully, caressing what parts of his fingers he could with his thumb and only let go in order to unlock the door and hold it open for him.

Harry’s apartment was neat, tidy and organised. There weren’t many possessions as such. He hadn’t been into material objects for a long time now, and just had the basics he needed in order to get through each day.   
Photos covered his walls like a mural, all photos he had taken himself, plants, animals, people he knew, people he didn’t, beautiful views in different light settings, beautiful buildings, insignificant objects taken at an unusual angle, to show how there was beauty in everything, you just had to really look in order to appreciate it.

Like Louis. 

Louis was truly beautiful and Harry couldn’t begin to think of the hundreds of pictures he could take of him to show off every single aspect. His soft hair, his cute little nose, the crinkles in the corners of his eyes when he smiled, the slight frown when he was concentrating, how he bit down slightly on his lower lip when he was deep in thought, his bare ankled where he rolled his jeans up, how his nimble fingers held his pen. He wanted pictures of Louis wearing glasses when his eyes were tired. Louis in the morning when he hadn’t had his cup of tea. Louis looking all excited and happy as they posted another story on the web and saw the amount of watchers mount up. Louis being proud when he had been told what a good job he was making of his internship.  
Now he had a new one to add to his list. Louis in a cat costume.  
“Your costume is amazing by the way” Harry grinned as Louis leaned on his elbows on the kitchen work surface as Harry rummaged through his fridge to find some snacks “Very realistic”  
Louis’ blank face smiled slightly, then looked a little cheeky as he let out a gentle (quite realistic mew) and rubbed his head feline like on Harry’s shoulder.  
“Cute” commented Harry scratching him affectionately behind the ear like he would a real cat “You should come curl up on my lap whilst I feed you treats!”  
Louis let out a small snort of laughter “Please tell me this isn’t some kind of cat kink you’ve got!”   
Harry’s mouth dropped open in astonishment “uh…no….Lou…I was only messing” he stuttered, going very red in the face. He was only slightly embarrassed because when it came to Louis, he kind of did have a cat kink. But only because kitten Louis was so damn adorable.  
“It’s ok” Louis smirked, and Harry was pleased to see that this was a slightly different side to him that he was seeing “I know I’m hot in this outfit, why do you think I wore it? Because I love cats?”  
Harry chuckled a deep throaty laugh “You’re the only who just made cat noises, maybe you have the cat kink”  
He passed Louis the drink he’d prepared for him “Drink up now”  
Louis gave one look at the saucer of milk that had been slid in front of him and then up at Harry with an dark, yet amused expression.  
“You are not helping your cause by trying to get me into doing role-play” he pointed out, then he pointed back to the saucer “and this kitten likes his milk with chocolate power in it!”  
But then he giggled and actually bent his head, sticking his bum out and lapped a little bit of the milk with his tongue.  
Harry, nearly spluttering at the strangeness of it all, grabbed his camera and managed to get a shot of Louis, his tongue dipping into the milk, then one where he’d cheekily looked up, with milk dripping off his nose.  
Harry handed him a towel to clean his face with. He loved this Louis. The one who joked around with him at the station and played about. It wasn’t a side to him that he often saw, but he was happy that even after having such a horrible night, it was still there.

An hour later both Harry and Louis were sprawled out on Harry’s large settee flicking through tv channels. Louis had gratefully taken up Harry’s offer on taking a shower and borrowing some more comfortable clothes to relax in, and for the first time in ages Louis now felt quietly comfortable. So comfortable that he wasn’t at all happy about the idea of going back to his room at all.

A soft chime sparkled from somewhere in the pile of clothes Louis had left on the coffee table and he stared at the little pile in confusion, wondering why his phone was actually making noises. Nobody ever text him.  
He moved to answer it, pushing his damp fringe out of his eyes. It was times like these when he realised how different things were in such the smallest of ways. Before he had come here, his phone was pretty much stuck to his hand and had to be charged without fail every night because the battery would only last about ten hours from the constant use. Text conversations with Nick, Stan and the rest of his friends would go on for hours, no matter if it had been five minutes since they last saw each other or five hours. He had his twitter account to update his hundreds of followers and the same with his Instagram and Facebook site where he had hundreds of pictures to share. Now since he had come to university, he didn’t need his phone. The only people who text him occasionally was his mum and his oldest sister, but other than that. Nothing. Until now.   
It was a number he didn’t recognise.

“Didn’t realise what a selfish little bitch you are! You’re a frigid cock teasing prick!”

Louis dropped his phone like it burned him. Tears prickled at his eyes. He didn't need to guess who it was. And there it was. Anger, shame, insecurity and embarrassment.

“What’s wrong?”  
Harry was by his side in an instant, putting an arm around his shoulders, his whole face contorted with concern.  
Louis froze under his touch.  
“Lou?” asked Harry hesitantly, lifted his palm to Louis’ cheek, encouraging him with slight pressure from his fingertips to turn his face to look at him.  
Louis couldn’t. Even though he’d only spent seconds reading the text before he dropped his phone. He couldn’t not see the message. He was a prick. He was a cock tease. He was frigid. He was selfish. Just more things for him to add to his list of self hatred and insecurity.  
He violently shrugged himself out of Harry’s touch and jumped to his feet. But what could he do now? Helplessly he turned to Harry who was still sat down, still wearing the concerned look. Patiently waiting for Louis to tell him what he wanted.

“Can I see?” he asked calmly after a few seconds of watching his unchanging numb expression.  
Louis handed him the phone after clicking on the right message.  
Harry glanced at it.  
“Who is this?” he asked nonchalantly, switching the phone off and carefully putting it onto the table.  
“Nick” Louis whispered sadly. He felt like he was going to cry. Again. He was sick of crying.  
“Who’s he?”  
“My ex”  
“Why did you break up?”  
Louis was getting angry. He went red in the face, balling his fists. What the fuck was Harry doing? Why was he asking him such stupid personal questions? Why was he staring at him like that?  
“What the fuck has it got to do with you?” he nearly shouted at him, backing away from Harry, holding his arms around himself like he was going to fall apart.  
“Come here Lou” Harry’s tone was soft and gentle and he patted the settee next to him  
Louis shook his head. He didn’t trust himself to move because if he did, he would bolt from the room like a scared sheep.  
“I know you don’t want to talk” Harry was saying, his voice deep and soothing “But will you let me?”  
Louis nodded silently  
“Half of you wants to stay here with me and the other part of you wants to run and hide. Am I right?”  
Louis nodded, preferring to look at his feet than into Harry’s face.  
“Ok. I’m going to make some guesses. If I’m right, you take a step towards me. If I’m wrong. You can take a step towards the door”  
“Why?” asked Louis puzzled, the smallest tear escaping and running down his cheek.  
“Because if I’m right, then I know how to fix things” Harry told him “But if I’m wrong, then I’m obviously not the right person for you to have as a friend and you’d be better off leaving now”  
Louis’ eyes widened at his blunt honest words. His heart was starting to thump heavily in his chest and he could feel himself starting to panic. Was he going to be wrong again? Was this the end of this friendship already?  
But Harry showed no emotion. He sat back on the settee calmly and put his feet up on the coffee table, stretching out his legs.  
“I’m starting now” he told him “Ready?”  
Louis nodded  
“When you came to uni you were scared?”  
One hesitant step forward  
“When you came to uni Nick was the love of your life and you were convinced you were going to last forever?”  
Another step forward, feeling stupid and pathetic.  
“He abandoned you from the moment you got here?”  
Louis looked up at Harry for the first time. He didn’t like this game. It was making him sound disgustingly pathetic and a waste of space! But he took another step forward. He was quite close to Harry now.  
“You miss Stan, but you know he doesn’t deserve you as a friend”  
Another step.  
“You live with a roommate who bullies you and makes you feel bad about what you think and who you are?”  
Another step.  
“Nick dumped you because you didn't want to have sex with him anymore?”  
Louis was about to take a step forward, but then thought about the question more in depth and took a step back.

The look that crossed Harry’s face was one of pure surprise and disappointment. He opened his mouth to speak, but closed it again. He needed to gather his thoughts. For a split second he was imagining Louis and Nick together and the thoughts were burning him from the inside. He’d seen the look of adoration on Louis’ face as he’d cuddled into his boyfriend. He’d heard them declare love for each other. He’d seen how his legs had been wrapped tightly around Nick.   
But before now, he’d never imagined what would’ve been happening inside the building. He wondered if it was Louis spread out naked, flushed and aching for Nick or the other way around. His stomach clenched painfully. He didn’t want to think about that.  
Taking a deep breath he continued.

“You want to be friends with Stan again?” He wondered if Louis moaned or whimpered when his neck was kissed.

Louis took a step forward.

“But you resent him for what he did to you?” Did Louis like to cuddle?

Another step forward. Harry mentally added up how many more steps forward he needed to reach him. Two probably.

“You’ve lost your confidence and you don’t know how to get it back?”

Tears were starting to build up in Louis’ eyes. He took a step forward, he wasn’t looking at Harry.

“You’re lonely and you think it’s all your own fault?”

It was the last step. Harry stared up at where Louis was standing right in front of him. His toes touching the edge of the settee. He couldn’t move any closer to it.  
Wordlessly Harry opened his arms and beckoned him in with his fingers. Louis twitched, as thought he was half between standing still or falling into Harry’s arms.  
Harry shuffled to the edge of the settee and gazed up at him carefully “It’s not your fault Louis” he whispered, and that was all it took.  
Louis dived into his arms and silently clung to him like a koala bear, hands clutching at his t-shirt, face pressed into his neck. And Harry held him, rubbing soothing circles on his back and gently rubbing his nose on Louis’ cheek.  
After a little while Louis sat up slightly and for the first time searched out Harry’s eyes.  
“I trust you” he said tightly as he frowned at him before cuddling back into Harry’s embrace once more “Don’t let me down”  
“I promise” Harry responded instantly. And in his heart, he knew he never would.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is shorter than normal. Back to normal length next chapter :)

As hard as he tried Louis couldn’t get the text from Nick out of his mind. It was all correct. Nick was right. He’d been selfish. He was a bitch. He was frigid and he was a cock tease. He’d been selfish by wanting all of Nick’s time, affection and attention. He was a bitch because he hadn’t properly tried to be happy for his boyfriends success and new found happiness. He was frigid because he wouldn’t do what a good boyfriend would do and get Nick off. Two years together and he hadn’t given him any sexual gratification and he’d been selfish by making him be his exclusive boyfriend so he couldn’t get it from anywhere else. And he was a cock tease. He was. He’d dress up in tight clothes, wave his ass around, flaunting in Nick’s face what he couldn’t have and make him want it more. Maybe if he had only given it up quicker then he would still be with Nick now. Maybe he really did want it, but he was just a pathetic little boy who was scared it was going to hurt.   
Nick had deserved better. He had deserved more from Louis. Maybe he should text him and tell him he was sorry? Tell him how disgusting he knew he was and maybe Nick would give him the chance to forgive him.  
He felt so guilty about punching him. And kicking him. Maybe Nick was just looking for a reaction from him and that’s why he’d brought along that girl to the party. Maybe he was looking for a sign that Louis still loved him and he’d fucked it up. Just like everything else.  
He reached for his phone that was besides Harry who was watching him intently. He didn’t say anything, just watched as Louis sat back on his knees and brought his hands down to hold Louis’ hips gently, making sure he didn't fall backwards. He fingers stroked his sides through his t-shirt.  
“What are you doing?” he asked simply as he watched Louis jab at the screen trying to find the right way to phrase what he wanted to say to Nick.  
“Texting” he answered biting his lower lip slightly as he concentrated on writing the perfect text.  
“Replying to Nick?”   
There wasn’t much of a tone to Harry’s voice.  
Louis saw no point in lying “Yes”

Harry didn’t move his hands from Louis’ waist, but he did stop stroking him. He also closed his eyes, screwing up his brow as though he had started to suffer from a painful headache.  
“Why?” he asked finally, bluntly opening his eyes and sighing at Louis “He doesn’t deserve your time”  
“He didn’t deserve what I did to him either”  
“Is that what you are texting him?”  
Louis was quiet. He deleted what he had written again and started over.  
“Jesus Lou! What could you have possibly done to him?”  
Louis kept quiet. But he did look up at Harry through his eyelashes. “Why are you so bothered?” he asked bitterly “This is my relationship and it’s got nothing to do with you”  
“I thought you had broken up?” Harry stated. His voice was still blunt and a little on the sharp side, but he had resumed caressing his fingers where his hands still sat on Louis’ hips.  
“I’m sure it’s just a break” Louis muttered to himself staring at his phone. The words felt wrong even as they came out of his mouth. He had no idea why he was saying them.  
“A break?” Harry repeated and removed his hands so that he could rub his eyes “He dumps you for no good reason, brings a girl to party and grinds all over her in front of your face, then you punch him in the face and kick him in the crotch followed by him sending you a really horrible text message, and not only do you think you’re only on a break, but you would seriously consider getting back with him?”  
“If you don’t like my response you shouldn’t have asked”  
“Just trying to find your headspace Lou”  
He carefully moved Louis off his lap. He really needed a drink if he was going to have to sit through anymore of this bullshit. But he promised himself. He wasn’t going to be heavy handed with Louis, and although it was obvious to him how many things were screwed up and wrong with what he had just said, it was blatant that Louis was going to need a little time in order to see it for himself.  
“I’m just gonna head to the shop” he told Louis, who looked a little hurt about being cast aside so suddenly “Can I get you anything?”  
Louis shook his head slowly “Are you coming back?” he asked quietly “Do you want me to leave?”  
“No you should definitely stay” he assured him “I’ll be ten minutes tops”

 

Harry was thankful on this occasion that the liquor store was only a couple of minutes walk away. He wasn’t exactly sure what he was in the mood for, but he knew he needed to feel the burn of something in his throat so he could happily wince at Louis’ ideas and life choices without looking too insulting.  
Inside the shop there were still quite a few people around still dressed in their costumes. He pushed past a cupcake and a teletubby, selecting a bottle of white rum, remembering that he had the ingredients for mojitos back at the flat - he remembered Louis talking about them at some point.  
He was just deliberating on if he should also get a bottle of Sourz when a loud arrogant voice cut through the air next to him.

“Don’t you just hate it when your ex gets all clingy and pathetic on you? Look at this and tell me if it’s desperate or not!”  
There was a burst of laughter and Harry of course looked to see where it was coming from. He should have known. There was Nick and the guy who was laughing at the phone Nick was holding out to him was one of his radio buddies Matt Fincham.  
“Fucking hell mate, I can see why you ditched that loser” Matt was howling 

Harry was so incredibly pissed off at Louis that he couldn’t even think straight. He had actually text that shit back, probably said sorry or something and now he was being laughed at.

“It’s such a waste though” he continued “He’s so delicious. I bet he was a really good fuck”  
Nick rolled his eyes into the back of his head “Couldn’t leave me alone for a second” he smirked at Matt who was hanging on his every word. He suddenly spotted Harry standing nearby and recognised him.  
“Hey, you’re the one working with Louis aren’t you?”  
Harry nodded, not really wanting to be drawn into a conversation.  
“Has he sucked your cock yet?”  
Harry felt stunned “Excuse me?” he asked, glaring at him “Of course not”  
Nick raised an eyebrow and turned to Matt “I’m surprised. He’s such a horny little thing that I didn’t think it would take this long for him to get his mouth around something. He’s such a slut for a cock!”  
“Shut the fuck up!” growled Harry “You have no right to talk about him like that!”  
“Oooh!” squealed Nick as thought Christmas had come early “Oooh you like him! Did you hear that Finchy? He likes the little slut!”  
Nick got close to Harry and put his mouth to his ear “You’ll have a really good time you know” he taunted “He’ll do anything you want him to do. Suck your cock, let you tie him up and sick a vibrator inside him. We used to go at it for hours! Trust me mate, you haven’t felt nothing until you’ve felt his tight little ass hole clenched around you”  
Harry was trembling and not because he was angry that Nick was flaunting his sex life with Louis around as well as calling him desperate and needy, but because he was jealous.  
“If he was so amazing then why did you break up?” he tried to say in a nonchalant tone, when inside he was twisting and slithering around like a snake.  
Nick smirked again and Harry resisted the temptation to punch him all over his smug little face.  
“Why do you care why we broke up?” he asked “You trying to get into his pants?”  
“Actually I don’t give a shit” shrugged Harry “You have a girlfriend mate, maybe you should concentrate on her and not about your ex’s ass!” and went to pay for his rum, grabbing a bottle of whiskey too, because right now rum was not going to be strong enough.

When Harry got back to the apartment he found Louis leaning out of the living room window and staring out into the darkened sky. He didn’t acknowledge his homecoming in the slightest so Harry went straight to the kitchen and poured himself a shot of rum, followed by another. Followed by another.  
He looked at how Louis was standing. It only reminded him of what Nick had just told him and how much he was suddenly jealous of someone who he really did despise. What on earth had Louis text him to begin with. Would Louis always be going around in circles. He didn’t think he’d met someone so confused in his life.  
So he picked up two shot glasses and the bottles of rum and whiskey.  
“Lou” he called sitting back down on the settee, standing up the bottles and glasses on the coffee table and setting up two shots “Come sit down, we need to talk”


	13. Chapter 13

When Louis awoke the next morning, he felt warm, calm, safe and protected. Lying on his left side with a long skinny leg slung over his hip, a long arm wrapped around his torso, with a hand firmly but gently, pressed against his chest, holding him in place.   
Louis didn’t dare open his eyes, didn’t move, hardly dared to breath incase anything he did made this feeling go away. He could feel Harry’s breath soft on the back of his neck, he wanted to turn around in his arms and snuggle right into his bare chest.  
He wasn’t sure how long he’d cuddled with Harry on the settee last night. It wasn’t something he imagined was going to happen. But when Harry held out his arms to him, and he’d been so close to see the sincerity and serenity in his eyes, he couldn’t help himself but fall into it head first. He must have fallen asleep because the last thing he remembered was being carried and laid down somewhere, and he had his eyes closed, but he didn’t want to let go of harry. So he kept clinging on. There had been muffled laugher and a voice in his ear murmuring “Ok, ok, let me take my top off and i’ll stay with you” he could remember smiling, he could remember easing the grip of his fingers on his neck, he could remember a warm body lifting the covers behind him, sliding in behind him and pulling back, holding him tightly. It was exactly when he wanted, exactly what he needed.  
He must have fallen back to sleep, because the next thing he knew, he was lying on his back in an empty bed. Now it was awkward. Harry had left him. Stretching, he got out of bed, wondering if he would be allowed to put the clothes he’d been lent back on, he didn't feel like putting most of his cat costume back on again…  
However, he wasn’t too happy about Harry seeing him in only is boxers. He could vaguely remember tugging his t-shirt and baggy workout trousers off during the night because he had got too hot… maybe this was why Harry had left. He’d seen his disgusting weight gain and fled. He didn’t blame Harry in the slightest. If it repulsed him, then surely it would have repulsed Harry just the same. Who wants to have a fat friend?

Leaving the bedroom after tugging back on his clothes and hoping that his hair didn’t look too much like a disaster, he braved going out into the living room. And found. Zayn.

Zayn was relaxing on the settee, lazily flicking through channels on the television.

“Alright mate” he greeted raising his head in a node to great him, just as Louis was wondering if he could slip back into the bedroom unseen.

“Uh..Hi” stuttered Louis “Where’s Harry?”

Zayn propped his feet up on the coffee table. “He had to go out for a bit” he told him “Asked me to hang out here so you had someone to wake up to”

The weight of the gesture impacted on Louis’ heart, making him smile despite his nerves.  
“Thanks” he said “I’d better get going then…” he said after a pause. Maybe Harry didn’t want an awkward meeting in the morning so sent Zayn to do it for him. It wasn’t Louis’ fault that he now associated Zayn with bad news.  
“You need to be somewhere?” Zayn was frowning, his fingers paused over typing something into his phone.  
“Uh…Well…” Louis was stuck. There was nowhere he needed to be right now. He wasn’t able to think of a lie quick enough.  
“Harry told me to text him to tell him what you wanted for breakfast” he replied “I’m just texting him now. What do you want?”  
“Uh….”   
Louis scolded himself for being rubbish at talking so early in the morning.  
“Shall I tell him to get you the special?” asked Zayn “That’s what I say to him when I don’t know what I want. I can say that’s what we both want if you like”  
“What’s the special?”  
“It varies. Pancakes, waffles, Full english. Bit of a lottery really”  
Louis nodded. He was starving. “Sounds good” he agreed.  
Zayn text through the order. “He won’t be long” he promised “He’s been waiting for me to text for ages!”  
Louis suddenly felt bad. He’d been keeping Harry waiting without even realising it. Quietly he slid down the wall and sat neatly on the carper. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to sit next to Zayn. But he still wasn’t his massive fan. If it wasn’t for him, Stan would still have been living with him.  
They sat in silence. Zayn wasn’t much of a talker, and these days, neither was Louis. Both hoped Harry would be back soon. This was just awkward!

 

Harry hadn’t expected to be going out that morning. He’d planned on getting up, making Louis breakfast in bed because he deserved special treatment and hoping that Louis would want to spend the day with him.  
But then he had heard Louis’ phone making noises. Turns out he couldn’t have turned it off last night before he’d taken Louis to bed, just switched off the screen.   
He didn’t want to be nosy, he’d only gone to pick it up so he could take it through to Louis -but he recognised the number. It was the same one that made Louis so upset the night before and with good reason.   
He didn’t look at the messages. Carefully and quietly he got dressed, then slipped out of the apartment and went downstairs knocking on the door for Zayn.  
“Can you go upstairs and sit with Lou for a bit?” he asked “I need him to stay in for a little bit whilst I go out”  
Zayn looked at him strangely, wanting to ask why, but knowing it was probably best not to. If Harry wanted to explain to him then he would of his own accord.  
“I don’t know how long I’ll be” he continued vaguely “Text me when he wakes up and tell me what you and Louis want for breakfast. I’ll get you both some on my way back”  
Zayn nodded and went to climb the stairs, but was halted by Harry grabbing his elbow.  
“If you can, if he says he’s going, could you discourage him?” he felt a little bit awkward about asking Zayn, but he didn’t want him to wake up without Harry there. He’d had enough people abandon him by the sounds of it.

Harry went straight to his favourite coffee house. He had so much to think about, to sort out in his mind before he saw Louis again.  
Ordering his usual coffee he took his usual table and upon it put both his phone and Louis’. There were no notifications on his. There were thirty nine on Louis’. All messages. All from the same number.  
Elbows on the table, hands clasped, he rested his chin on them, staring intently at the phones. He frowned. Another message had pinged up, showing off the phones background picture. In other circumstances it would have been a great picture. It was of Louis, Nick and Stan, all squashed together on a log next to a campfire. The light wasn’t that great, but the orange lick of the flames picked up their grinning faces. Nick was giving Louis a massive kiss on the cheek and the delight on Louis’ face couldn’t be more evident, as he grasped Nick’s hand in his to his chest. Stan hugging up close to him making a stupid grin. They looked so happy and so close. It was no wonder than Louis was confused about what went wrong.

He also was confused about how he felt about Louis. Of course he found him incredibly attractive. How could anyone not. Not only was his face incredibly beautiful, his body was something that only he only ever saw in his imagination. But what was inside of him. That’s where the real attraction was. Shy, sweet, sassy, sensual and special. He had it all. How could anyone have the chance to be with him as a friend or a lover, and just throw it away? How could they say such spiteful things about someone that sensitive and sweet? Harry was never going to understand it, and the more he thought about it, the more his blood boiled and his fists clenched.   
He was only too painfully reminded how much he had wanted to beat the shit out of that Nick last night.

The thing was, all Louis needed was a friend. Just a friend. And that was what Harry would be. Someone that could be counted on. Someone that was worth the risk of trusting.

“Two specials. Lou’s uncomfortable with me being here” came Zayn’s text after forty five minutes.  
“On my way” Harry replied. Even now he wasn’t sure the space had been enough time for him to think, to decide. But it wasn’t his decision to make. He had to let Louis figure things for himself.  
Placing his order. He leaned against the opposite wall waiting, scanning the other customers, thinking about how nice it had been waking up with the boy in his arms. It had been perfect actually. How could Nick possibly want to give that up? The idea almost made him growl.

 

It wasn’t until after they had finished eating the pancakes, syrup and sausage combo and Zayn had made his excuses and left, leaving Harry and Louis playing around with a new editing program on Harry’s laptop, that Louis’ phone went off.  
Harry frowned as Louis reached for the phone. Aware already at how many messages had already racked up. The surprise on his face was evident and seemed a little apprehensive as he went to read them.  
It only took seconds for his face to turn a sickly shade of white and for Harry to snatch the phone out of his hands, glancing quickly at the content that even from a seconds view was a long one sided conversation of insults and ridicules.

“I need to leave” Louis just said numbly getting to his feet.

Harry was irritated. He could see that they were just stuck in a cycle. What Louis needed was to let go and move on.

“Sit down Lou” he said quietly “we need to talk about this”  
“I don’t want to talk” now Louis was angry. Standard. He had refused to talk to Harry when he had got back from the shop the night before, looking so utterly broken, that Harry had dropped the subject and ceased to drink anything more. Just held his arms out to the boy once more, and held him until his body had grown heavy so suggest he was sleeping.  
“No, but you need to. I know you’re angry, and hurt and you think this is all your fault. But it’s not. But if you hold on to this then it will be your fault”  
Louis was shaking.  
‘It is my fault though” he whined “He says it’s my fault. Over and over again! There’s so many things I did. So much I didn't do!”  
“Why don’t you explain it to me?” asked harry calmly, reaching out and taking hold of both of Louis’ little hands “Maybe I can help you find the answers yourself if you just discuss it?”  
“What? You want me to spill all my most intimate secrets with you?” spat Louis “You don’t even know me! Why would I share all the things that scare me with you?”

Harry shrugged. “Where you ever scared of the dark as a kid?” he asked “Did you think that monsters hid under your bed?”  
‘What does that have to do with anything?’ Louis sassed at him beginning to pace around the room and edge closer to the door.  
“I was scared of the dark” Harry told him nonchalantly “I used to believe that if i stood up, something would grab my ankles, pull me under the bed and eat me!”  
He spoke with such sincerity and casualness that Louis couldn’t help but chuckle a little.  
“The thing is, the dark is only there when the light isn’t” Harry mused “The things that scare us the most are things that we can’t see. When we can’t see into a darkened room, or our future, or what someone else is thinking. We are kept in the dark for so much of our lives, but in some cases we are given a light”  
He paused and held out his hand to Louis.  
“When I was crying because I was scared of the dark. My sister would get her torch and shine it under the bed to prove there was nothing there…”  
“Could have hid under the floorboards” Louis muttered, edging closer to Harry once more.  
“No. I checked” Harry confirmed “The point is, she shone her torch there every night for three months because that’s how scared of the dark I was. Then I started to believe that there really was nothing there to be afraid of”  
He looked up at Louis’ interested expression that had subtly moved so close to him that their knees were touching “Of course if she hadn’t have done that. I would probably still be scared now. Because I would still be in the dark. I guess what I’m saying Lou….” he began to conclude “You might be scared now, over things you believe in, which will only get worse if you don’t ask for help. Let me help you chase away the demons?” Harry finally asked, letting the boy sit across his lap and put his arms around his neck, face buried into his neck “Because I can be your light. You just have to try me”


	14. Chapter 14

Louis glared at himself in the mirror as he pulled a baggy black hoodie over his Spiderman t-shirt.  He knew that everybody else in the world had a date or a party to go to that night and that he'd be the only person in the library, but he didn't want to stay in his room.  Even though Taylor wouldn't be back for hours, Louis disliked Taylor so much that he spent as much time out of his room as possible.  Just the smell of her perfume and the sight of her clothes thrown all over were enough to make Louis' blood pressure rise.

Watching his reflection glower at him was just a huge reminder that the only thing he hadn't lost since he'd started university had been his appetite.

"That's what you get for turning to food for comfort" he told himself, giving a tug at the tight waistband of his jeans "Discomfort"

His stomach growled.

"No" he told it sternly, thinking dolefully back to the small tiny salad he'd had for lunch "You've had all you're allowed for today, and that's all you're getting"

His stomach gave another plaintive rumble.  Not that Louis blamed it.  Ever since he'd started this diet, he'd been hungry all the time, and although he hadn't cheated once, he didn't seem to be loosing any weight.  Harry assured him that it was because he was on a plateau, but to Louis it felt more like a valley.

His eyes fell on the open bag of nacho crisps on Taylor's bed.  Taylor could stuff her face with junk food from morning till night and never gain an ounce!  It was just another thing to hold against her.  Louis' stomach growled.

"Library!" Louis commanded himself, snapping off the light and practically fleeing the room.

Nonetheless, as he marched purposefully across campus, Louis' mind was not on the nineteenth century novel, where it was supposed to be.  It was on food.  Everything he saw made him hungry.  Soft drinks cans, sweet wrappers, a pizza box, even a poster outside the new arts complex advertising a performance of "The Cherry Orchard" but the student theatre group.

At the edge of the quad he froze.  There, coming towards him from the other side, was Stan, eating what suspiciously like a burrito grande.

This was the first time since he had started university that Louis wished Stan would walk right past him.   _Please don't stop,_ she silently prayed  _Be in a hurry, don't see me._

"Hey Lou!"

Stan stopped close enough for Louis to see that it was a jumbo chicken burrito with guacamole and sour cream.  Usually he hated guacamole, but right now it looked amazing.

"Hey Stan"

Louis was stuck for words.  He could smell salsa and melted cheese.

Chewing slowly, Stan nodded to the books in Louis' arms "Where you going tonight?  Don't tell me you're studying"

Stan used to be the person Louis could turn to.  He was the one person who he could have admitted how miserable he was and the only things he liked about university were his classes and his apprenticeship at the online station.  But things had changed so much between them since they arrived that he couldn't bring himself to tell Stan the truth:  that he was working on a Friday night because he had nothing else to do.

"I've got an English paper due on Monday" he answered with a groan "The teacher's a real tyrant.  I think he must have been Louis the fourteenth in a former life"

Stan laughed "my sociology teacher is like that.  We're afraid to breathe too loud"

Louis sighed with relief as Stan swallowed the last of his burrito "So what are you doing on your own on a Friday night?" he asked "I thought you'd be out with Ashton" thinking about how much of an item they had become.

"I thought so too" Stan made a face "But you know those jocks.  There's always somebody wanting to give them a dinner or take them out or something"  he grinned "It's a good thing he gets the grades he needs without having to work too hard, because with practice and everything he doesn't have much time left to study"

Louis felt a pang that wasn't hunger.  He used to know exactly what those jocks were like, but he hadn't seen Nick in weeks.  Occasionally he'd catch a glimpse of him, striding across the campus like a young god, and once again feel amazed that someone so close to him was now so far away.

Stan didn't seem to notice that he was upset.

"The way athletes are treated on campus really is unbelievable isn't it?' Stan continued "Some times after a game I have to wait forever before Ashton can get away from his admirers to take me out" he made another face, but Louis could tell that Stan was secretly proud to be the boyfriend of one of the biggest jocks at school.

Louis used to know what that felt like.  He felt another pang sear his heart.

"Well" he said starting to move forward "I'd better get to work or I'll be up all night"

Stan nodded "Right.  I've got to go too.  Ashton's picking me up for a late date after his dinner, so I want to go get a nap before then.  I'll see you around Lou"

"Sure"  Louis called over his shoulder "See you around"

 _That's the one good thing about having someone turn a knife in your heart,_ Louis told himself  _It makes you forget about your stomach for a while._

 

 

Zayn's heavy footsteps echoed as he walked down the corridor of the website offices.  During the day and on weekends, there was always a lot of activity in there - camera people, sound people and reporters running in and out, everyone shouting and behind schedule - but on a Friday night there would only be one or two people in the studio, running music videos of local bands.

Zayn made a left turn into a silent, empty hall.  There should have only been one or two people in the studio, but Zayn had a hunch that he might find an extra person in the newsroom, working overtime as usual.  He stopped at a door marked NEWS and listened.  Nothing, not even the faintest of sounds.

 _I know he's in there_ Zayn told himself.  Shaking his head, he opened the door without knocking.

The room was dark and the desks were empty, except for the desk in the farthest corner, where a light was shining and Harry was hunched over, reading so intently that he didn't even look up when Zayn shut the door behind him.

"Hey what a surprise!"

Without turning around Harry held up one finger "Hold on" he ordered "I've just gotten to a good part"

Zayn came up behind him "What are you doing man?  It's Friday night.  Nobody works this late on a Friday night"  He put his hand on his mates shoulder "And besides, I've been waiting for you for two hours.  We were supposed to play tennis tonight and go out for Thai food"

"I don't feel like playing tennis" Harry said.  His eyes didn't move from the page he was reading.

Zayn laughed "Well, neither do I.   _Anymore_.  But I do feel like eating.  Or has your reporters brain cut off all communication to your stomach again?"

"This is incredible, Zayn.  Really incredible.  If half of this is true, we're onto something here"

"What is it?  More on the Halloween hoax?" Zayn asked mulling over the rumours a local psychic had predicted that a psychopath would make an appearance at the university's Halloween dance, building rumours to an almost hysterical pitch.  In the end there had been too unpleasant events - one a racial incident involving Zayn, and an attempted attack on Perrie - a girl who Zayn had gotten very attached to in the last few weeks.  

Harry, as a good reporter had made it his business to film a report leading up to the dance surrounding the hype, and considering he was sure Matthew Spencer III, President of the Sigmas, the most prestigious fraternity on campus, was behind both, Harry considered his working on a follow up to be more of a warning than anything else.

Harry shook his head "I've found nothing solid on Spencer.  This is something completely different.  Something I stumbled upon by accident"

Zayn leaned over Harry's shoulder, his eyes scanning the typed page.  It was a letter to the co-captin of the basketball team, cancelling repayment on a student loan.  When he got to the bottom, Zayn whistled.

"This is dynamite Ha!  They let Redknapp borrow five thousand pounds to top off his scholarship and then they just let him have the money because he's so valuable to the team" he whistled again "They never did anything like that for me when I was on the wrestling team"

Harry laughed "They never did anything like that for me when I was their star player either.  But then again, they didn't have to work hard to recruit me"  He took two more pieces of paper from his desk and handed them to Zayn.

"Beckhams grade manuscripts" Zayn said.  Beckham had been Harry's replacement on the football team.

Harry leaned back and spun his chair around so he was facing his friend "Look at those closely"

Zayn frowned puzzled "One term he's failing everything, and the other he was doing C's and B's"

Harry gave a slow smile "Look again, amigo"

"You're fucking with me" Zayn's eyes moved from one piece of paper to the other "They're for the same term"

"That's right" Harry's voice was tight with excitement "Obviously somebody was supposed to throw out the first transcript, only they forgot"

Zayn stared at Harry in amazement "But how did you get hold of it?"

"Pure chance.  I just happened to be in the athletics office, doing some background on the basketball team for a special we're doing on the new season and I found the letter about the loan mixed in with some clippings and stuff like that.  At first I didn't think anything of it.  I mean, I thought it was strange, but I figured there was something I didn't know.  Like maybe somebody else, some alumnus for instance had paid off the loan.  Then all of a sudden I thought of Beckham"  Harry grinned "Not only is he no where near as good as I was, but he isn't as smart either.  And i remembered there was a lot of talk about whether or not he'd be able to keep up his average.  So I just thought I'd look in his file while I was there.  You know, see how he was doing"

Zayn laughed "Remind me not to leave anything unlocked around you" he nodded at the other papers on the desk "What else have you got?"

"Not much really"  Harry shrugged "A thank you letter to the coach from some kid who went somewhere else, thanking him for bringing him down here from Glasgow and putting him and his family up in a nice hotel so they could come see the school.  Pictures of the captain of the basketball team driving around in a Lexus when they played an away game in Manchester.  And I've got stuff of my own on how the players are housed and stuff like that.  It's all pretty much hunches and supposition, but I think the pieces are going to fit"

"So what happens next?  You don't sleep or eat for the next three weeks?  I forget you live upstairs anymore?"

Harry laughed "You're out of luck this time.  I'm not going to be able to do the digging on this one.  I'm too well known, especially in the athletics department.  As it was, Coach Bass was looking at me funny when I left.  If I start hanging around there, he'll know something's up"

Zayn gave his best friend a sceptical look "You're not trying to tell me that you're going to forget about this are you?"

"Are you fucking stoned?  Forget about this?"  Harry laughed "No, someone else is going to get the story. I'll just be the presenter"

"Who?" Zayn asked, not hiding his surprise "You're not exactly a born delegator Haz.  You never trust anyone to do anything"

Harry turned back to his desk, locking the papers in his top drawer "There's one person I trust enough" he said over his shoulder.

Zayn stared at his back "Who?"

"Louis"

Harry's voice was so low and so fast that Zayn was sure he hadn't heard him right "Louis?  You mean Louis Tomlinson?  Stan's Louis?"

"Yeah" Harry glanced over at him "You know I'm training him to work here"

"The Louis who stayed in your flat and I had to babysit whilst you got him breakfast three weeks ago?  The Louis who's boyfriend is one of the biggest jocks on the basketball team"

Something locked in Harry's green eyes "Ex boyfriend"

Zayn knew that there was something going on with Harry, something concerning Louis.  But he knew that Harry wasn't going to tell him what it was.  Not without a struggle.  To this day, he still wasn't one hundred or even ten percent sure why Louis had slept in Harry's room that night or why Harry hadn't wanted the boy to leave.  He'd asked.  But he'd always managed to dodge the question.  Maybe they'd had a one night stand or something awkward like that.  It wasn't like Zayn had seen Louis in their building again after he'd left them eating their breakfast the night after Halloween.  Of course, that could be because Louis was still avoiding Stan.  Not that he'd seen much of Stan lately either - and they actually lived together!

However.  Zayn was certain he had stuck some kind of nerve, because he still seemed to be brooding over Zayn calling Nick Louis' boyfriend.  

"Right" Zayn instead answered calmly "Ex boyfriend"  He smiled, tilting his head to the side "So, does this mean we can go eat now?"

 

 

Louis spent so much time in the library that by now he usually found a few familiar -even friendly - faces in the study carrels. Liam was often there working as late as Louis did so they walked back to Heversham Hall together regularly.  It seemed as though Liam was one of the few in the building who hadn't fallen completely under Taylor's spell.  Then there was the coolly handsome blonde man with the glacier eyes, William White.  At least two or three times a week Louis found him sitting at the back when he arrived, watching him as though he'd been waiting just for him.

But none of them were in the library tonight.  The only students bent over their desks were people who, like Louis, obviously had nothing better to do.  The losers.

 _Stop feeling sorry for yourself_ Louis scolded trying to concentrate on somebody's paper on what they had to say about the wit and irony of Jane Austen.  But he couldn't stop feeling sorry for himself.  Meeting Stan had upset him too much.

Louis stared blankly at the page in front of him.  It wasn't really meeting Stan that had upset him.  He was relieved that he and Stan were at least speaking again.  It was because they'd been talking about super jocks and the basketball team made him start thinking about Nick again.

Sometimes Louis almost thought he was over the breakup.  It had been his decision as much as Nick's.  Nick wanted to take their relationship further than he was prepared to go.  He seemed to think that now he was a big man on campus, Louis should automatically want to fuck him, but considering the way Nick had treated him at the start of term, did he really expect to receive so much from Louis without putting any proper effort or attention in?

A vision of Nick and him, holding each other as they were in the photo he kept under his bed covered the blank page.  Sometimes he thought he was over him.  Other times he knew he wasn't.  Unable to concentrate, Louis checked his watch, it was getting late, but not late enough to go back to his room.  Louis couldn't do that until he was sure he'd fall asleep right away.  The last thing he wanted was to be awake when Taylor got back.  Taylor sober in the middle of the day was bad enough, but Taylor after she'd been partying all night was unbearable.  They almost always wound up having a fight.  Louis sighed.  How he wished he could have as good a nights sleep as he had done when he'd stayed with Harry that one time.  He closed his eyes, remembering intently the warmth he'd felt from the strong arms holding him so close, the calming smell of his skin and the feeling of safety.  He'd barely slept at all since.  

He couldn't help but wonder, if after that beautiful speech Harry had made about monsters and lights and being there for him, and holding him close and really cuddling him like he was something precious, he wondered if he should have stayed.  He hadn't.  He just stayed silent, and then he'd gone home.  Neither of them had talked about it since.  They still talked at work, laughed and enjoyed each others company.  But just in work now.  Louis couldn't bear to loose someone else.  He also couldn't stand the thought of letting someone as wonderful as Harry Styles into his life - only to lose him again.

But all the same.  The question of what would have happened if he had stayed, still filled his mind on a daily basis.  And it wasn't likely to stop repeating itself any time soon.

 

 

It was an off-campus party, filled with loud music, laughter and handsome men, but still Taylor was bored.  Idly playing with the miniature white rose she'd taken from the vase beside her, she stared back at the very attractive but exhaustingly dull young man in front of her.  She didn't even pretend to remember his name.  He was a philosophy major.  For some reason, he was trying to seduce her by explaining Aristole's ethics to her.  Taylor wasn't interested in anybody's ethics.  Ethics were like rules:  they cramped your style.

"Excuse me" she said in her soft, sexy drawl "But I just want to go refill my glass"

Even though he had been in the middle of a sentence, he smiled at her.

That was the advantage of having this accent.  No matter what you said, they thought it must be something nice.

Without a backward glance, Taylor floated out of the room, he perfume drifting behind her like a train of blossoms.  She could feel the eyes on her.  Taylor considered her Granny to be a first class witch in many ways, but she had to admit that she gave good advice.  Always make an entrance and always make an exit, her granny always told her.  And that's what Taylor always did.

Coming into the kitchen, she caught her reflection in the window over the counter.   _You_ _look gorgeous_ she told herself, pouring another drink  _You look stunningly, devastatingly, eat your heart out gorgeous_.

Behind her, in the window she could see other reflections.  There was a drippy guy from her english class and Liam Something from her hall.  And suddenly there appeared someone she'd been looking for all night.  The reflection showed a young man wearing an expensive suit in black.  He was as beautiful as a fairy tale prince.  And he looked as bored as she felt.

A shadow crossed Taylor's heart.  She was extremely good at manipulating people.  There were a few people she couldn't get around.  One was her ghastly roommate Louis twinkle toes Tomlinson.  And the other was standing behind her, talking to a guy who looked as though one of his parents must have been a tank.

Taylor took a deep breath and swung slowly around.  She was also good at getting what she wanted.  And she wanted the young man dressed in black like she had never wanted anyone - if only because he didn't want her.

"William!" she gushed, gracefully sliding between him and the tank and tapping the flower against his chest "I didn't know you were here.  What a nice surprise!"

He looked from her to the rose.  For a second the bored expression in his eyes was replaced with something else:  disdain.  The he took the flower from her hand and went on talking as though she weren't there.  He sounded a bit drunk.

"It sounds to me as though your friend went to the wrong part of Mexico" he said to the tank "It's too bad you didn't tell me he was going.  I could have recommended an incredible beach"

Taylor's smile grew brighter "Oh Mexico" she sighed "I love mexico.  Isn't it just the most romantic place?"

William continued to ignore her, but the tank began to speak "um...uh...William" he said, his eyes on Taylor "I don't believe I've met your friend"

William looked at him blankly "Friend?"

It was times like these that Taylor wished her granny were a real witch.  If she were, Taylor would be able to put a spell on William White that would destroy is happiness - and his manhood - for the rest of his life.

She turned towards the tank "Taylor" she said, he voice as soft as velvet and as sweet as caramel "Taylor Swift"

The tank grabbed her hand so roughly she thought he was going to shake it loose "I'm so glad to meet you Taylor" he said.  He sounded glad "I've been wanting to meet you since the beginning of the year.  I'm Jamie Dixon" he grinned at her mindlessly "I've seen you around"

 _Well I haven't seen you_ she looked down for a second, so he would think that she was blushing modestly  _and if i had, I would have run._

"You mean you noticed me?" she whispered "You noticed little me in a school this big?"

Impossible though it seemed, the grin became even more mindless "I'd notice you anywhere"

"Did you hear that William?  You're friend's been wanting to meet me" Taylor glanced over her shoulder.

William White was gone.

Taylor glanced into the space where William had been, her pretty mouth set in a smile as hard as industrial steel.  The fact that she hadn't been able to turn William White into a horned toad or a hunchback with black teeth and a two inch dick wasn't really important.  She was going to destroy his happiness anyway.  Totally and completely.  It was going to just take a little longer to do without the help of witchcraft, that was all.

 

 

Louis pushed his notebook aside with a sigh.  Maybe he'd just lean back and close his eyes for a few minutes, try and reenergise himself.  All he needed was to relax a little.  But no.

 _I'm going to have to get a cup of coffee_ he thought gathering his things together.

"I knew I'd find you here"

Every thought in Louis' head drained away.  He had never heard that voice before - not this close, not speaking to him - but he knew before he raised his eyes whose voice it was.  He looked up to find himself staring into a pair of blue glacier bright eyes.

He had a smile that was as secretive as it was dazzling.  Louis could never decide whether he thought the secrets it hid were good or bad.

He leaned against the carrell.  His eyes might have been cool, but his breath was warm.  Warm and smelling faintly of wine.

"Tell me one thing" he whispered "What's someone like you doing in the library on a night shot through with stars?"

He said the first thing that came into his head.  The truth. 

"Jane Austen"

"Well I certainly wouldn't want to deprive Jane Austen of your company" he lifted his hand "But I got this for you"

Louis took the delicate white flower and sat there staring at it for several seconds, not quite knowing what to say.  When he looked up again, William White was gone.


	15. Chapter 15

A loud familiar laugh bounced across the room. Louis looked over to the circle of guys with his new "friend" Liam at the centre of it. All of them were so fashionably dressed that they could have been models posing for an ad. And all of them were stuffing burgers in their mouths as thought they might not eat again for a month.

"How is it they can eat without gaining weight and I can't?" Louis wondered as he sipped his mug of black tea. He sighed, checking his watch for the third time in the last half hour.

To make Liam happy, Louis had agreed to come to the Sigma barbecue, wearing uncomfortable smart clothing.

It was hard to try and make friends with someone who was so sociable and outgoing, especially someone who was either really trying hard to get him some new friends because he looked tragically lonely, or because he looked so tragic that it made Liam's shameless eagerness to join the fraternity look a lot less pitiful.

Either way - neither of them was a desirable conclusions. Louis couldn't help but wonder why Liam was so interested in impressing these brothers. They were all so superficial and self righteous and it was almost impossible to find anything to talk about.  In the hour Louis had been here, Louis had said pretty much all there was to say on the state of their impressive cars, expensive clothes and where the hottest girls resided.

Stifling a yawn, he realised that as much as he liked the eager human puppy dog that was Liam, he really couldn't pretend to be having a good time, not even to make a new friend. His uncharitable thoughts were interrupted by an oily voice right behind him.

Connor Maynard who was the fraternity treasurer.

"How is it possible that you are pledging here? Or are you supposed to have an identical twin that we've already had the displeasure of meeting?"

Louis stuck a smile on his face that most likely looked more like a grimace

"We're not only supposed to be identical twins, we are identical twins" he said sweetly, trying to stop his eyes from rolling exaggeratedly "You can ask our mother"

If Connor noticed the obvious sarcasm in Louis' tone, he did an excellent job of disguising it.

"Enough!" he snapped, his grey eyes narrowing "I see you came with Liam Payne. He's much more our type of member. Such different personalities" Connor nodded towards Liam as a fresh wave of laughter rolled across the room "Liam's so outgoing...so gregarious.....so....."

"Much fun" Louis filled in

"Exactly" Connor showed his perfectly straight white teeth "Though, of course I'm not suggesting that just because a person's quiet he can't be interesting or exciting" He looked like he was about to yawn.

Louis tightened his grasp on his mug. Would Liam ever forgive him if he was to throw his cold tea down the front of Connor's unnecessarily overpriced crisp white shirt?

"Of course you're not always so quiet are you?" Connor went on "You were pretty outspoken the night of the Theta-Sigma house party if I remember correctly"

"You remember right" Louis shrugged, hoping hard that he was about to get ejected from the house due to his 'bad behaviour' towards the guys 'brother'. He could still see the smug, self satisfied president angry that the beauty that was Perrie Edwards had chosen to dance with Zayn instead of him, if it hadn't have been for Harry intervening (sans white horse and shining armour) there was a very possible chance that the racial slurs would have escalated into a full on fight.

Louis didn't regret a single word he'd said to pathetic excuse for a male about what he truly thought about him and his disgusting an excuse of a fraternity. He didn't surprise him in the slightest that the Sigma's hadn't forgotten the incident. But it did surprise him that they were still willing to consider him as a pledge.

Maybe his smart mouth was better kept close so it was kept silent.

"Still" Connor's voice was edged with barbed wire "I'm sure you didn't realise what you were doing at the time, publicly attacking someone like Matthew"

Louis put down his mug.

"And I'm sure you're very interesting" Connor added sounding bored

Louis gave the Sigma treasurer his most dazzling smile "You're wrong" he said, his voice as pleasant as a clear sunny day in Miami "I did realise what I was doing, and I'm not interesting at all"

 

He saw the offended expression on Liam's face as he left the barbecue early but as much as Louis felt slightly bad for hurting Liam's feelings, he really couldn't stand to be around Connor or his revolting frat bros any longer. He was just relieved that Matthew felt too superior to attend the party himself.

As he strode across the campus, Louis couldn't stop smiling to himself. A few weeks ago, an afternoon like the one he'd just spent would have depressed him and made him feel totally inadequate. He would have probably have skulked back to his room, hidden and ate as many cookies as he could cram into his mouth at once. Now it just made him feel angry. He smiled again. "There isn't anything wrong with me just because I don't want to fit in with people like that" he told himself as he kicked a stone down the path in front of him "They're wrong for acting as though everyone should be like them"

Louis slowed down as he came to an outdoor basketball court where a group of shouting, whooping guys were playing a fast pick up game. He hadn't changed so much that the sight of a basketball game didn't make him think of Nick. He still had trouble believing he'd really lost him - regardless of what had happened since they'd broken up. No matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't connect this man to the one he'd left Doncaster with.

If anyone had a secret twin, Louis would have put good money on it that it would have been Nick!

He stopped before he reached the court. The guys were all tensely watching the basket. The ball was balancing precariously on the rim, threatening to fall to the ground. Suddenly it fell through the net. One voice stood out above the general roar that followed "Way to go!" it shouted Louis felt his blood turn to ice water. Nick. That was Nick's voice.

There he was, wearing his old blue joggers and a white t-shirt soaked with sweat. His hair was damp and his face was flushed. How many times had he rushed up to him after a game, looking just like that, and taken him in his arms? Too many times. Even from here he knew exactly what Nick smelled like at this moment; the thought of which made him feel weak. Louis watched Nick as he darted and wove across the court, his movements quick and supple. He couldn't seem to take his eyes off his ex boyfriend, couldn't stop his heart from pounding. He wiped his moist hands on the legs of his jeans. When Nick wanted to have sex with him, he'd said he wasn't ready.

'Maybe I'm changing more than I thought' Louis told himself as he reluctantly turned away from the game before anyone saw him 'Because I certainly feel ready now'

 

 

"Lou! Wait up!" Harry shouted, breaking into a sprint to catch up with the boy as he was about to enter his building. He let a slow easy smile cross his face as the smaller boy stopped and turned, door pushed and held open with one hand, leaning casually back against the door frame.

Harry couldn't help but pause in his haste to get to him, to be able to look at him that little bit longer. He had never come across anyone who had literally taken his breath away, but there he was. Right in front of him, completely oblivious to how beautiful and sexy he actually was.

From his wind ruffled hair down to his bare ankles, Harry had committed every inch of Louis to memory and could barely go five minutes without thinking about him.

"Where have you been?" he asked, reaching the door and eying his smart clothes "All you need is a mask and you could be attending a masquerade ball"

"Is that your diplomatic way of saying you hate my outfit Styles?" asked Louis, thinking about how an hour ago laughing seemed like the last thing he was likely to do today, but here he was doing it, because Harry could just make him smile just by breathing.

"I don't hate it" Harry looked him over as they walked towards the lift so Louis could drop his heavy messenger bag off in his room before they went to get some dinner "I just don't think it's very....well....you" he was thinking of the brightly coloured trousers, black skinnies and random band t-shirts paired with casual beanies and braces that he'd come accustomed to Louis wearing

"I like the stuff you usually wear"

"So I don't scrub up well then?"

"You always look hot Tomlinson" Harry tried to smirk to hide the blush that he could feel rising in his cheeks, feeling slightly better when Louis actually did blush and look away.

"I guess I don't have to ask where you've been" Louis said, relieved he didn't sound as rattled by him as he felt "Working at the station, right?"

Harry held up his hands as a sign of surrender "Guilty!" he said with a laugh "Actually, that's what I wanted to talk to you about"

He waited whilst Louis unlocked his door and followed him inside, taking a seat on Louis' unmade bed watching as Louis bustled around the room slinging his bag onto his chair and beginning to pick some clean clothes out of a pile in the corner.

"What's up?"

Harry watched as Louis carefully sniffed a white and blue striped t-shirt and then started to unbutton his shirt. Fuck. Harry bit down hard on his lip as more of Louis' tanned skin came into view. This was absolute torture. Barely four feet away from him, Louis was now standing in front of his wardrobe wearing nothing except a pair of close fitting black boxers.

Green eyes darkened considerably, widening, barely daring to blink. He'd imagined Louis undressed so many times. He'd wanked over those thoughts - he never thought the real life vision would outdo his fantasy! Mouth dry, Harry quickly licked his bottom lip, trying to casually place his jacket in his lap. He couldn't help it, his cock was painfully hard confined his skin tight jeans and it was taking every muscle in his body not to leap across the room and tackle the boy to the floor, grinding into his crotch and sucking one of those perfectly shaped nipples into his mouth, trailing his tongue up that beautiful neck making little moans come out of that gorgeous mouth that he was sure Louis would make.

Fuck, it was all he could do not to pant out loud or even palm himself. He never thought he'd wish Louis to put clothes on!

"Hazza?" Louis asked, not noticing any of Harry's trauma and instead pulled on a pair of loose basketball shorts and had slipped in his arms into a red hoodie. He stopped, half way through putting it on.

"Hmm?" Harry murmured, blinking as he suddenly found focus on the fabric, and not the image of almost naked Louis that had been burned into his retinas.

"How important do you think sex is in a relationship?"

Harry was so surprised he let out a splutter, as he swallowed in amazement. He had been wrong. Naked Louis had been the warm up. This was torture!

"What?" he asked somewhat weakly

"Sex. In a relationship. How important is it?" Louis frowned and made no move to pull his hoodie over his head, just standing there with his arms in the sleeves.

Harry frowned, trying to get his thoughts together that didn't involve him gently kissing and caressing Louis' bare collarbone.

"Um...well...it depends what type of relationship a person's in" he replied and shuffled back on the bed until his back hit the headboard "And how you look at sex I guess"

Louis made a slightly irritated sound in the back of his throat. It was clear he wanted a more definite answer.

"For some people..." Harry could feel himself going red, Louis put that damn hoodie on and stop looking so damn attractive

"Sex is about a quick fix and release" he thought back to his past encounters and shuddered internally at the memory.

Then he looked at Louis and gave him a little smile "For people in a relationship, it's not so much the act that's important, it's the feelings behind it. It's a way to express how you feel when words aren't good enough, to be physically so close so them that for a short time you're literally inside them and you can make them come undone with your touch, making them see stars. You get to feel their heart race, you hear their breath catch in their throat and gasp incoherently and make them feel like they're the most important, most loved human being on the planet.  It's about being together, sharing something intimate and although its the same act for everyone, every moment is unique, every feeling is tailored just for you - the the one you're in love with"

Louis drew in a short sharp breath.

"Sex isn't important for a relationship" Harry continued "Sex can be fun, but love making is much more satisfying, and vital. If there's no love...what's the point in making it?"

Louis actually felt lightheaded. He wanted that so badly. To feel loved. To feel important and worthwhile to someone. To have someone completely overwhelm every sense that he had until he was an uncontrollable mess just like in all the films he'd seen.

Then he felt jealous. Red hot, green eyed, soul crushingly jealous of every man that Harry had no doubt made feel that way.

"Why aren't you with anyone?" he asked quietly, finally stuffing his head inside his hoody and covering his disgusting flabby body with its thick, baggy material.

He met Harry's eyes, which were boring into his own.

"Because I've never met anyone I've wanted to make love to" he replied

_Until now_

Harry thought to himself silently as he watched Louis' gorgeous little face and remembering his beautiful body that was now hidden under the baggy clothes.

"Why did you ask?" he ventured trying to be casual

 _Because I was wondering why I had waited so long to have sex with Nick, and now I know why_. Louis couldn't say out loud.

"I overheard a debate going on at lunch" he lied retrieving his keys and phone from where he'd chucked them on his desk and stuffing them into his shorts "Wondered what your take on it was"

 _And I'm glad I asked because now I know exactly why I waited._ Louis continued to think as both boys left the room _I didn't want to make love with Nick_.

Harry grinned at Louis, displaying both of his dimples in their full glory and slung one arm around his shoulders.

"You still on that healthy eating kick?" he asked kindly thinking about the tragically small salads that Louis had been insisting had been fulfilling the past few weeks.

"You know it" came Louis' response, thinking of his uncomfortable jeans and wishing that they would fit again.

"In that case I know exactly where we're going.  They do this really healthy chicken dish that Men's Health magazine recommended for sustaining energy that I've been wanting to try.  Contains a good deal of your daily dietary needs on minimum calories.  Fancy it?"

"Uh yeah" Louis shrugged trying to remember when he'd eaten something that wasn't green and leafy "But why are you so concerned with minimum calories?" he eyed Harry's slight frame enviously "You don't need to watch your weight or even think about loosing any"

"You're one to talk!" smirked Harry diving to tickle Louis' sides, heart melting a little as Louis' eyes crinkled in the corners as he giggled and struggled to get out of his grasp "If you can change your eating habits to feel healthier then so can I.  But you're doing it better than me, so I'm just going to eat what you eat"

Louis' sunshine bright smile grew even brighter.

Harry was always taking care of him in the smallest of ways and going out of his way to make him feel better about himself - even little stupid things like supporting his diet without properly drawing attention to it.

He was such a good friend.

Out of nowhere Louis suddenly thought that he had never been more content with the thought that he was still had his virginity. Maybe there was a Harry out there for him somewhere. Or maybe.....


	16. Chapter 16

Louis had been pleasantly surprised to find the chicken dish Harry had suggested had been amazing.  For the first time in ages he actually felt pleasantly full and not at all guilty about it - which was a usual occurrence for him after a meal.  Sipping on water he suddenly remembered.

"What was it you wanted to talk to me about?" he asked leaning into the corner of the booth they were sitting in and gazing at Harry enquiringly.

"Well" he said suddenly serious and scooted around the corner of the soft seating so he was pressed right against Louis' side.  The tone of his voice made Louis frown slightly and dip his head, so that the soft curls of Harry's hair tickled his cheek.

"What is it?" he asked suddenly concerned

"I think I've stumbled upon something really major, and I want you to work with me on it" Harry told him, lowering his voice to a deep rumbling whisper.

Louis listened quietly and intently whilst Harry told him about looking through the files of the athletics office for some background material on the basketball team, finding the letter about the loan and becoming curious about Beckham's grades.  His eyes widened as he explained the theory he was forming that the jocks got special perks and privileges.

All the while, two thoughts were going through his mind:   _This guy is really sharp_ and  _Nick._

"So what do you say?" Harry asked as he finished.  He was sitting so close to Louis, that their legs were pressed together from hip to knee and their heads were bent so close towards each other that when Louis lifted his face to look at Harry, the tip of his nose grazed Harry's jaw.

"I'd say that the police force lost a terrific detective when you decided to be an investigative reporter"

Harry didn't take compliments well, but for a few seconds he looked really pleased.

"What about you though?" he pressed "I can't do the groundwork myself because of my reputation here.  I need someone really good who I can trust completely.  Will you work with me on this?"

As hurt as he was by what happened between him and Nick, Louis knew in his heart that though Nick might have some special privileges as a varsity athlete, he would never take any kind of bribe.  And he also knew that Nick understood how much journalism meant to him.  He would want him to do what he'd always done:  tell the truth.

Harry touched his arm "Look, Lou, I know you and Nick....."

"Of course I'll work with you" Louis blurted out cutting him off "If your hunch is right, then it's our duty to prove it"

Harry's grin stretched from ear to ear, breathing out a deep breath, dazzling Louis' with his dimples.  Louis almost thought that Harry was going to take him in his arms, he looked so happy.  He didn't, but he didn't shift away from Louis' side and that was something Louis definitely didn't mind.

 

Taylor sat in a dark corner of the same restaurant watching William White the way a cat watches a bird.

 _Look at him_ she said to herself.   _Rich, conceited, attractive as sin...._ Her eyes moved from the handsome, unsmiling face to the lean muscular body slouched against the booth he was sitting in alone.  But it wasn't his wealth or his looks that attracted Taylor, and she knew it.  It was  _him._  William White was the person Taylor Swift wanted to be.  She wanted to have that effortless arrogance, that casual contempt for everybody else.  She didn't want to have to constantly prove to herself that she was beautiful and desirable; she wanted to know it the way that William knew it, with every cell he possessed.

Taylor's eyes narrowed.   _Can it really be true?_ she wondered  _Can someone like William have a crush on Princess Tinkerbell?_

She sipped her espresso.  She'd observed William watching Louis now and then, but she hadn't really taken it seriously.  She observed now as she watched William, watching Louis and Harry sitting together, heads leaning close together in conference.

If Taylor couldn't tempt him with her lush, sensuous looks and wild nature, what could he possibly see in twinkle toes with his boring prettiness and golden boy perfection?  If Taylor was a challenge, Louis was a tranquilliser.

She scraped her long, gold coloured nails along the table.  No, she hadn't taken William's interest in Louis seriously until this morning.  But when she had woken up, there was a single miniature white rose in a water bottle on Louis' desk.  It had taken Taylor a few minutes to remember why the flower, brilliant in the sunlight, disturbed her so much.

And then it came back to her.  Last night at the party she had been holding a rose when she tried to talk to William, and he'd taken it away from her.  There must, of course be more than one small white rose in London, but there was no doubt in Taylor's mind that the one on Louis' desk was the one William had been holding when he disappeared last night.  He'd iced her completely, and then gone to find the little twink.

Taylor's nails dug into the worn wood.  Someone was going to pay for that.  Two someones.  She could take care of that stupid Louis easily enough.  It was so much fun to spread stories and rumours about him.  William was trickier.  She couldn't tell him many lies about Louis because he knew Taylor too well; he wouldn't believe her.  She was going to have to get at him some other way.

Pushing her empty cup across the table as Harry and Louis made their way out of the restaurant door, Taylor got to her feet.  She picked up her shopping bags on the floor beside her chair and slow and graceful as a cat moving in for the pounce, crossed the floor.

"Why William" she purred, sliding into the booth besides him so quickly that he couldn't stop her "Imagine running in to you again so soon.  Where did you go last night?  I turned away for one minute and you were gone"

"Did someone ask you to sit down here Taylor, or have you started hearing voices?"

Taylor rested her chin on her hands. "I wouldn't be rude to me if I were you, William White.  Because it just so happens that I know something you seem to have forgotten.  Something you should remember" she touched his wrist "Something you might find very important" she touched his wrist

He raised his eyebrows, his mouth a smirk "Oh really?  And what's that?"

Taylor smiled as a cat smiles after it's caught it's prey "The name of my roommate"

 

 

"I hope you don't mind me swinging by like this" Connor Maynard said "But Niall told me that you were here" 

"No of course not" Liam said, grinning his brightest and most enthusiastic smile.

It was a lucky thing he was ready for this.  He had been lying in bed going over his music notes in detail when he'd received a text from his roommate Niall saying that Connor had run into him at the gym and needed to talk to him.  Liam had just enough time to get washed and dressed before Connor was knocking on the door.

Conner sat down on the bed without waiting to be asked. "I guess you are wondering why I needed to talk to you so urgently"

"Well....yes...I am..." Liam lied, not having a clue, and not giving it much thought at all.

Conner smiled regally, reading his thoughts

"Don't worry Liam, it isn't about you and the Sigmas.  Not specifically anyway"

"Thank god" A sigh of relief escaped Liam as he sat down on Niall's bed directly opposite "You had me worried for a second"

Connor's smile became a little less comforting.  "It does concern you, though, I'm afraid" he said smoothing out the lapels of his blazer "And your little friend"

Liam looked into Connor's chilly grey eyes "You're talking about Louis aren't you?"

"Bingo" this time the smile was approving "Got it in one"  his expression went suddenly serious "Let's not play games Liam.  You know and I know that the Sigmas are practically obligated to pledging you because of your fathers involvement of being president of the fraternity.  Not that we don't want to pledge you of course, but Louis on the other hand...."

Connor shrugged, as though the problems with Louis were so many and so awful that he didn't know where to begin.

"Louis' been going through a difficult time" Liam said quickly, wondering if he should really be defending someone who was only just qualified at being his mate "He...."

"He isn't Sigma material" Connor filled in "You are.  You are exactly what we are looking for.  But Louis..." again he trailed off, defeated by the enormity of Louis' shortcomings "We were all incredibly unhappy about the incident with Matthew Spencer.  Which could be forgiven.  The Thetas were very forgiving over Perrie Edwards who had no idea how much Matthew dislikes Zayn Malik.  And no one is saying that Matthew wasn't out of line, attacking Zayn like that because he was.  And he admits that.  But Louis made a spectacle of himself"

He paused.

"Still we were willing to overlook that.  After his behaviour yesterday, though, walking out in the middle of a function like that, and the way he spoke to me of all people" he took a moment to utter an incredulous laugh "I'm not sure we can overlook it anymore"

"You mean you're not going to pledge him?" asked Liam, more than a little confused about what this had to do with him.

Connor made a disgusted face "We can't not pledge him" he responded coldly "Not unless we don't pledge you.  I mean I suppose he could turn us down...." Connor smiled as though this idea was so ridiculous he was almost embarrassed to mention it "But there is no way we can pledge you and not pledge Louis.  You have brought him into the fraternity as your chosen friend and companion and like it or not, my brothers see you as a package deal"

"But that's not fair!" Liam burst out "I barely know the guy!"

"Life's not fair" Connor shook his head "That is why I'm here Liam.  I have discussed it with my brothers at length and if we are going to pledge you and your chosen friend, he is going to have to assure us of his loyalty"

Liam's stomach clenched.  Louis had no loyalty to the Sigmas and it wasn't going to be easy to pretend he did.  It turned out that quiet little Lou was too honest and outspoken for Liam's own good.

"How?" he asked weakly

Connor got to his feet "We haven't quite worked that one out yet, but I'll let you know as soon as we do.  In the meantime though I thought maybe you could have a word with Louis.  Tell him what I've told you.  Get him to get his act together"

"Sure" Liam responded with an optimism he didn't feel.  If Louis wasn't careful, not only was he going to turn out to be a big fat failure, but he was going to drag Liam down with him - the thanks he was getting for actually reaching out to the guy.

"I'll speak to him" he assured Connor "As I said he's been having a hard time.  His boyfriend...."

"I'm glad we had this talk" Connor held out his hand "I know I speak for all the Sigmas when I say we'd really hate to loose you"

Liam shook Connor's hand, wincing internally at the tight grip _I'd hate for you to loose me too_ he thought.

 

 

"What did he ever see in him?" William asked "He looks like he should be dating Barbie"

Taylor followed William's gaze across the packed patio of the Zeta house to where Nick and his basketball buddies were demonstrating a play for a circle of admiring girls.

 _You mean what did he ever see in a wet towel like Louis_ Taylor thought.  She shrugged "I really don't know William" she gave him a meaningful look "It's a mystery to me what attracts certain other people"

He wasn't paying attention "You're sure they've broken up?"

"Sure as the London Eye is tall" Taylor said.  She pointed to the attractive female at Nick's side.  "That's his new girlfriend Eleanor Calder.  I hear they're very close" she lit a cigarette, blowing a thin stream of smoke past William's handsome face.

William choked "I wish you'd give those things up Taylor" he snapped "Next to your personality they're one of the most unappealing things about you"

"Why William White" Taylor drawled, floating a perfect ring of smoke in front of him "Are you trying to turn my head with flattery?"

"I'm going to get another drink before you asphyxiate me.  I'll be back"

Taylor watched him cross the patio.  Aloof and apart, he stood out in the crowd of normal, average students like a diamond in a bag of peanuts.  She blew another ring of smoke in the air.  For all his aloofness, people were drawn to him.  She watched them stop him as he moved toward the refreshment table.  Taylor moistened her lips with the tip of her tongue.  She knew he'd be back.  It didn't matter how much he insulted her, the important thing was that he was no longer pretending she didn't exist.  Now that William was aware and convinced that she lived with Louis, he needed her.  They were allies.  Partners. Taylor smiled to herself.  William of course, thought he was using her.

She knew it was the other way around.

 

Sometimes when Taylor was in a really good mood and was feeling wanted and at peace with the world, she would come back to her room quietly late at night.  She would unlock the door to her room softly.  Instead of turning on the overhead light or even the lamp on her desk, she would undress by a tiny night light Harry had given Louis to plug into the socket by the door.  She wouldn't throw her shoes across the room.  She wouldn't bang into things.  She wouldn't turn on the radio or light up a cigarette.

Tonight, however, Taylor was not in a good mood.  It had been a terrific party, full of laughter and music - the sort of party that made you feel as though you had a million friends and would always be beautiful and young.

But in the end, William had spoiled it for her.  She'd been charming and funny and full of conversation, yet the longer the evening had wore on, the more sullen and silent he'd become.  Taylor was certain that if she could get close enough to him, she could make William fall in love with her.  That was the plan and then break his heart.  But to make him forget about Louis and fall for her instead was going to be harder than he'd thought.

"You're thinking about him aren't you" Taylor finally asked, only just managing to keep the jealousy and revulsion out of her voice "You haven't stopped thinking about him all night"

He'd turned to her, his skin so white, his mouth so soft, his eyes hard "And who else would I be thinking of?"

Remembering that moment and the way William had looked at her, as though she was some kind of pond life, Taylor marched down the corridor of Heversham Hall, a lighted cigarette in her hand and threw open the door with a bang.  She snapped on her desk lamp and hurled herself onto her bed.

The effect was instantaneous.  Louis' head rose up from the opposite bed, squinting in the light and rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

"Taylor?" The blue eyes opened slowly "What the fuck are you doing?"

But Taylor wasn't going to listen to one of Louis' rants tonight.  Tonight wasn't a night for arguing.  Tonight was a night for claws and blood.

"You missed a great party Loubear" she said sweetly, stealing a nickname she'd heard someone boring call him once or twice "A really great party.  One of your favourite people were there"

Louis was sitting up, anger replacing sleepiness "Taylor are you out of your fucking mind? What do you...."

"Nick was there" Taylor beamed "With that gorgeous, thin, lovely girl, what's her name Louis?  Eleanor?  Eleanor Calder?  Isn't she beautiful Louis.  So thin and gorgeous and thin!"

Louis was staring at Taylor, his expression a mixture of anger and disbelief.

Taylor's smile grew "They certainly have gotten very close very fast haven't they?  But then, she is so very lovely" Taylor's eyes flashed "Slender, pretty, vivacious, thin" she blew a dusty cloud of smoke across the room.

"By the way" she said feeling much better all of a sudden "Nick was asking about you.  How's Lou? he asked me"

Taylor's eyes grew bigger and brighter "So I told him that you were a sulking miserable mess and was putting on so much weight that your thighs look like one single limb now.  Goodnight!"

 

"Louis!  Good to see you mate!  How are you?" Liam greeted bringing his tray over to join Louis at the table in the coffee house.  He took in Louis' slightly dazed and vacant expression and his smile faltered "Are you alright Lou?" he asked carefully, watching as Louis absentmindedly tore a serviette to shreds as he stared over at the food counter hungrily,

"I'm trying not to stress eat" Louis told him with a defeated expression "You have no idea how much will power it's taken not to have Frosties and a donut this morning" he finished with a laugh "I slept so badly last night that I could use a massive dose of sugar"

Liam got more comfortable in his chair "You don't look so good now you mention it" he tilted his head, scrutinising Louis' face "What's wrong?  Are you having the dreams about the dancing pizza men again?" he chuckled at a previous conversation they'd had.

Louis sighed "I wish"

"Spill" Liam said "You may be rewarded with food.  You told me you had a great time last night at dinner, what could have possibly changed between last night and this morning to make you look so miserable?"

"Taylor went to a party"

"Yeah?  And then what?  She brought the band back with her?"

Louis shook his head "She told me that Nick was there.  She actually went out of her way to wake me up to tell me that fun little fact"

Liam's eyebrows shot up "Oh I get it" In the course of a long evening, one of the things Liam and Louis had talked about was Nick in some depth "Let me guess, Nick wasn't alone?"

"He was with Eleanor"

"How nice of Taylor to tell you" Liam said through a mouthful of bacon "I don't suppose she went into any of the gory details, did she?  I'm sure she wouldn't want to spare your feelings"

Louis smirked "How did you guess?  She also made sure she mentioned how slim and attractive Eleanor is" he pulled his mug of black tea towards him "I may never eat again"

"Cut it out Lou" Liam insisted "You may have put on a few pounds in your opinion, but you're still pretty slim and attractive yourself.  You're personality is far more attractive than Eleanor Calder's, that's for sure"  He took a bite of sausage.

"It's not that so much" Louis said miserably "It's just I really miss Nick.  I'm beginning to think that I was wrong to just let the relationship just end like that, but it's too late.  He's not even gay now!"

"Maybe, maybe not" Liam gave him a thoughtful look "I wouldn't let Taylor wind me up if I were you" he said slowly "Taylor loves to cause shit, especially for you" he pointed his fork at Louis "Believe me if that girls mouth were a gun, it would be an automatic"

Something in Liam's tone made Louis look at him closely "What do you mean, especially for me?"

Liam shrugged "Let's just say that until I actually talked to you, it would be easy for me to assume that the person with roommate problems was Taylor, not you"

"What?"  


"Look" Liam said "I don't know if I should mention this, but Taylor goes around telling the wildest stories about you...drug use, random shags...."

Louis wasn't even sure why he should feel surprised.  He should have known that Taylor would be gossiping and shit stirring about him behind his back "And do people believe her?"

Liam made a face "I think a lot of people did.  You know how sweet and charming she can be.  And you were so quiet and distant most of the time"

He turned his attention back to his cooked breakfast "To be completely honest Lou" he went on, not meeting his eyes "I believed her myself at first.  Until I started seeing you in the library all the time and talked to you in real life.  Then I started to suspect Taylor wasn't being economical with the truth.  I think other people are beginning to catch on too.  I saw her at a party last week and the only people who would talk to her were guys who see better than they think"

Louis groaned at a sudden thought "I bet she's been telling Nick shit too"

"That's what I'm trying to say" Liam explained "You don't know.  Maybe it would be worth talking to Nick.  Even if it's just for your own piece of mind"

Louis picked up his tea and took a gulp "Maybe" he said thoughtfully "Maybe it would"

 

 

"Strike while the iron's hot" Louis mumbled to himself as he hurried across campus to the athletes dorm where Nick lived "Seize the moment"

What Louis had told Liam about having a crappy nights sleep was true.  After Taylor had woke him up last night and taunted him about seeing Nick with Eleanor, he had tossed and turned all night.  Every time he drifted off to sleep, images of himself and Nick haunted his dreams.  He missed him.  Now that the insecurity  he'd been feeling when he got to university was beginning to fade, he could see that he'd been right all along.  It was time that their relationship changed.  It was time to grow up.  Maybe he'd been too caught up in Harry the other day when he'd said all those beautiful words.  But that wasn't going to happen.  He would never be able to attract a Harry, especially when he had seen him in too many fragile and broken moments.  

Now Liam was right.  Louis owed it to himself to talk to Nick.  What did Taylor really know?  He knew that he'd seen them kissing, but that didn't mean that he didn't wish he was still with Louis.  Eleanor was a fucking girl for crying out loud.  She had a vagina where her dick should be for a start.  He was not ready to believe that Nick had stopped loving dick.  On the outside he might be laughing and pretending to have a good time, inside he could be nursing a broken heart.  The hateful texts could be a result of the poison that no doubt seeped out of the bitches mouth.

The ultramodern glass and steel dorm came into view.  Louis slowed down "Nothing ventured, nothing gained" he told himself as he entered the building.

"You're doing the right thing" he assured himself as he got out of the lift and knocked on Nick's door.

"Lou!" he must have just gotten up.  His shirt was unbuttoned, and he held a tube of toothpaste in his hand "I thought you were Ashton"

"I'm sorry to show up like this" he said his words coming out in a rush "But I really have to talk to you"

He stared back at him as though he'd suggested they jump off the balcony "Now?"

Louis nodded "I know this is sudden, and you probably have a class to go to - I do too - but I don't want to put this off any longer.  We keep avoiding each other, like there's nothing left to discuss, but you can't just end a relationship like ours in ten minutes...."

He didn't nod.  He didn't speak.  He just continued staring at him, his face wary and his body tense.

"Do you?" Louis persisted

Apparently he thought you did, if the expression on his face was anything to go by.

"Nick" Louis took a step forward "Couldn't we just talk for a minute?  There are a couple of things I really need to ask you and things I really need to say"

Nick glanced over his shoulder, as though he'd heard something "Maybe later Lou.  Why don't we meet up later at the coffee house?  My last class ends at five today.  We could meet up then.  Have a cup of tea or something..."

"But I don't want to wait till five.  I want to talk to you now"

Desperation was making his voice whine.  Somehow, when he imagined this scene, he hadn't been whining and pleading.  He'd been strong and clear.  But when he'd imagined the scene, Nick hadn't been standing there like the Great Wall of China, stony and silent and blocking his way.  He'd been welcoming him with open arms.

He'd come too far to stop now though.  He had to see this through.

"Nick please...I miss you so much.  You were right, I was wrong.  It was time our relationship changed.  It was..."

"No you were right Lou.  That side of things is over for us.  We shouldn't be any more than friends.  It would have been a mistake to go any further"

"Nick, I..I..."

"No, Lou, I really think..."

The bathroom door opened suddenly, sounding like the shot of a gun.

Louis knew instinctively that he should turn and run, but he didn't.  Instead, he looked over Nick's shoulder.  Eleanor was standing in the doorway of the bathroom, wearing only Nick's practice jersey and looking sleepy and rumpled.

"Nick?" asked Eleanor, standing in a way that made Louis very aware of her thigh gap "Do you have the toothpaste?"

 

 

 _What a dream_ , Harry was thinking as he left the cafeteria with Zayn.  Just the thought of it made him smile.

"What's wrong with you this morning?" Zayn asked giving him a curious look "Either there were strange chemical pollutants in my tea this morning making me see things, or you're actually happy"

Harry slung his messenger bag over his shoulder and gave his friend an innocent "who me?" look.  Ever since Zayn had come to terms with his own fears and stood up to Matthew Spencer at the Halloween party, he had been on a mini campaign for Harry to come to terms with his own feelings as well.  Harry wouldn't have stood for it from anybody else, but Zayn was the nearest thing he had to a brother now.  As terrified Harry was of being close to anyone, there was too much between him and Zayn to pull away.

"Happy?" Harry repeated "I'm not happy Zayn.  I'm just hyped up because of the sports scandal piece.  Louis is as excited as I am, and I have a hunch this one is going to come out golden"

Zayn stopped at the top of the stairs "Sure" he said "You're hyped up.  God forbid Harry Styles should ever feel happy"

Harry gave him a playful shove "Don't you have a class to go to or something" he asked with a laugh

"yeah, yeah, I'm going" Zayn gave him a slap on the back "See you later Haz.  Only you'd better stop grinning to yourself like that, or everybody on this campus is going to think you're happy.  Then your reputation as Mr Ice Man will really be shot"

Harry headed to the website offices to check on the rundown for the day.  So maybe he did feel a little happy.  Last night in his dream he'd felt happier than he had in years.  In two long years, to be exact.  Since he was a freshman.

And he'd even known he was dreaming - he'd known the whole time - but he still felt happy.   _This is a dream_ he kept telling himself  _This is only a dream_ but it sure felt good.

Up ahead of him, a couple was kissing goodbye.  The girl leaned over and kissed the guy as gently as a butterfly lands on a flower.  Harry stopped for a moment, stunned.  He could feel that kiss.  He could feel it because he remembered it.  That was the way Louis had kissed him in his dream.

In his dream, he was taking him to the homecoming dance and he'd arrived at his door with a single red rose, red for passion.  Next to the way Louis had looked, the rose had looked like a weed, but he'd taken it as though it was the most beautiful gift in the world.  

And then he'd kissed him.  Softly, tenderly.  As though Louis' lips had always been intended for his own.

Giving himself a shake, Harry started to move forward, but once again he was stopping in his tracks.  Just coming out of the athletes dorm was Louis himself.  He must have been working on their story.  The happiness he'd felt in his dream was nothing compared to the way the sight of him in the flesh made him feel.

Zayn's words came back to him "God forbid Harry Styles should ever be happy.  Maybe Zayn was right.  Maybe a little bit of happiness wasn't out of the question.  Maybe he really should ask Louis to the Homecoming Ball.

"Louis!" Harry called out "I just..."

He steamed right past him.  If he'd been going any faster, Harry might not have noticed the tears in his eyes.  Instantly he knew that he hadn't been in the dorm because of the story.  He'd been there because of his ex boyfriend Nick.  There was no other explanation, not at this time of day, not in a state like that.  How could he have fooled himself, even for a few minutes?  He wouldn't have had much of a chance with a man like Louis anyway.  What chance did he have when he was still in love with someone else?

If he'd been alone, Harry would have banged his head against a wall.  What a prick he was to get suckered in by happiness - by hope.  There was no such thing as being happy.  You were happy for a few minutes, and then something went wrong and it was taken away.  He should have learned that by now.

 _I was right all along_  Harry thought as he gloomily resumed his walk to the office.   _It's me.  I don't deserve to be happy.  Not anymore._

 


	17. Chapter 17

“I mean really Niall” Conner said as they walked across the quad “You should see some of the guys who can’t understand why we don’t pledge them. Droids, Niall. Guys who can’t tell cashmere from wool.  
“Crikey” Niall mumbled  
“Guys who don’t know how to shave without getting a rash. Guys who aren’t even attractive!” shuddering was too violent and obvious an action for Conner, but he flexed his shoulders in distaste.  
“Ugh”  
“I mean assuming that they’re capable of thought, what do you think Ni? We’re probably the most prestigious fraternity in the entirety of London. Do they think we got there by taking dross? It makes me laugh Niall. It just really makes me laugh”  
To prove that it made him laugh, Conner made a sound somewhere between a toilet backing up and a goose choking.  
Niall nodded and smiled. All Conner needed was a grunt, or a nod, or a smile every minute or so and he was happy to prattle on by himself. And Niall was happy to let him. He didn’t really feel like talking today. He wanted to think.  
The past few weeks he’d been hanging out with a lot of his friends. Stan and Ashton, Zayn and Perrie, Jade and her new friend. Seeing the state of their excitement and happiness had Niall thinking of love. Niall was personable, intelligent, attractive, funny… why hadn’t he found someone to fall in love with?  
They turned towards the science building and Conner changed the subject “Did I tell you about the suit I got custom made for the Homecoming Ball?” he asked “It’s the absolute dogs. I’m going to look so fucking hot mate. Gonna be kicking those bitches back!”  
Niall who had heard about Connor’s suit for Homecoming in some detail every day for the past week, shook his head.   
He’d been out with some of the most eligible and desirable men and women at school, but none of them had made him feel more than mildly interested. Not one of them had made his heart pound or his body shake, or his mind forget about everything except their smile. The only man who had ever done that was the one who wouldn’t give him the time of day.  
“Don’t you think that’s a fantastic idea?”  
Niall looked over to find Conner smiling at him, waiting for an answer. It was so rare for Conner to ask a direct question or expect a direct answer that Niall had completely lost track of the conversation. Did he think what was a good idea?  
Cufflinks? Tie pins?  
“What?”  
“Making Louis Tomlinson go out with Matthew Spencer and publicly apologise for being so rude to him at that party” Connor grinned contentedly “I think even I could accept his commitment to the Sigmas if he agreed to that”  
Niall could hardly hide his surprise “To tell you the truth Connor” he said calmly “That is not a fantastic idea. Matthew behaved like a thug that night. And I know he’s our president and I respect that, and when he hasn’t been drinking or whatever he does, he’s a good guy. However. You and I both know that he had something to do with frightening Perrie with that loser we kicked out. So I really don’t think….”  
Connor waved aside his objections with one twitch of a hand “I know why you’re attacking Matthew Niall, don’t think I don’t”  
Niall bit back a smirk “You mean aside from the fact that he behaved like a thug?” he asked sweetly  
“It’s because of him isn’t it” Conner said “He and Matthew hate each other. You’d be bound to be on his side”  
Niall frowned. He was lost again. Now who was Conner talking about?  
“You’ve always been such a sap for him” Conner continued, sighing at the irrationality of this “I really don’t know why. He’s handsome of course. And he’s a maverick. But really Ni, he is so moody and such a troublemaker”  
All at once Niall realised whom Conner was talking about. The one man who had ever really disturbed his sleep. And he realised too, that he must be nearby.  
Niall looked to his left. Harry Styles was just coming out of the website office.  
“And of course he isn’t really interested in men or women is he?” Conner asked, not looking one beat in his conversation “He’s not really interested in anything except his news station”  
Niall raised his arm “Hi Harry!” he called.  
Harry nodded. But his eyes didn’t even try to meet Niall’s.

 

What I need is some firsthand information Louis was thinking as he crossed the quad Someone who was actually offered money or gifts…or someone who knows who was…  
Louis had spent most of the morning in the morgue like basement of the journalism building, looking for any information he could find on the teams. He hadn’t found any hard proof yet, but he had found suggestions of some pretty suspicious dealings. Illegal presents and arrangements, unfair privileges. Special exemptions and exceptions made for the players. Now he was headed to the station to sort out what he’d found out. Knowing how nosy and prying Taylor was, he had no intention of leaving anything important in his room. Besides he wanted to show Harry what he’d found out. And at this time of day, the station was the only place Harry would be. And where Harry was, was the only place Louis wanted to be right now.

 

She knew she’d find him here. Taylor stood in the doorway of the coffeehouse, her eyes fixed on a figure sitting in the back by himself. Other people went to the snack bar or the student centre during the day; places where it was light and full of noise, but not William. He liked it here, where it was dark and subdued. He was the man who was always in the back room at parties and meetings, in the corners, in the shadows.  
Taylor studied his fine, pale face and those secretive eyes. If she were the kind of girl who believed in the devil, she would have no problem in believing that William was at least his cousin.  
He saw the ice blue eyes flicker as he lifted his cup. He’d seen her. He’d seen her, but of course he wouldn’t show that he had. He wouldn’t wave to her, or beckon her over like a normal person would.  
That’s all right William Taylor said to herself. She took a deep breath and hugged her books against his chest Because you are not only about to see me, you are about to invite me to the Homecoming ball. She knew that he was planning to ask Louis. Not because he’d said as much to her, of course. But because he’d asked where Louis had been the last day or two; he hadn’t seen him around. He thought he might have gone away.  
Taylor, remembering the rose, took this to mean that he’d been looking for Louis. He was getting ready to ask him out.  
William didn’t look at her until she was sitting beside him “Oh I can’t tell you how happy I am to see a friendly face!” Taylor gushed, flashing him one of her biggest smiles.  
He actually smiled back, a thin lipped smile that curled at one corner. She wasn’t sure if he was smiling because he was glad to see her or if he was smiling at some private joke at her expense.  
“I just couldn’t sit in that room one more minute” she hurried on “The boy is driving me crazy with talk about the Homecoming ball”  
One blonde eyebrow rose a fraction as he sipped his espresso.  
“Who should he go with? What should he wear? What should they do after the dance? I finally had to say to him, ‘Lou, babe, I am not your fairy godmother. You are free to do as you please’ “ Taylor heaved a long-suffering sigh “Thank heavens he’s finally decided who he’s going with. At least I don’t have to listen to the list of admirers anymore”  
Something that could have been emotion flashed through the dead blue eyes. He put down his cup so softly it might have been made of tissue.  
“So is this your roundabout way of letting me know that Louis has a date for Homecoming, Taylor?” his voice was as soft as a tissue as well.  
Taylor was all innocence “I thought you might like to know William” she said. She beckoned for the waitress “I thought that was our understanding. That I…let you know”  
“And whom would this date be with?”  
Taylor shrugged “I don’t have a telepathic mind Mr White. I can’t even keep track of all the names. It could be several”  
He stared into the dark depths of his cup for several seconds considering.  
“And what about you?” he asked at last “Do you have a date for the ball?”  
Taylor laughed “Of course I do. As it happens, I’m going with….”  
“Cancel it” he pushed his chair back and got to his feet.  
She looked up at him, her eyes flashing in outrage “But William, I can’t just….”  
“Cancel it” he repeated “You are going with me”  
There was a satisfied smirk on Taylor’s beautiful face as she watched him leave the coffee house. William White may be the cousin of the devil, but that didn’t mean he was the only one with relatives in hell.

 

I’m Stan now. Not Stanley. I’m hot. I’m popular, I’m going to pledge into the biggest fraternity on campus and I have the most gorgeous, generous and incredible boyfriend in the entire universe!  
Stan looked around the exquisite new bistro where Ashton had insisted on taking her, Nick and Eleanor to lunch to celebrate passing his big physics exam. It was a little weird, hanging out with Nick and Eleanor when he was so used to hanging out with Nick and Louis, but it was a weirdness that he was getting used to. After all, things changed and people changed. He’d changed too. I have to be dreaming he thought This cannot possibly be my life.  
“The sky’s the limit as far as I’m concerned” Ashton said. He squeezed Stan’s hand under the table “The four of us are going to have the greatest time at the Homecoming ball since man invented parties!”  
Nick laughed “I’m with you Irwin. This is the first university ball I’ve ever been to, and I want to have the time of my life!”  
“Then it’s decided” Ashton said “Dinner at Carlino’s first and then on to the dance” he grinned “With a little luck my new Range Rover will have arrived by then and we can really go in style”  
Eleanor turned to Stan “What are we going to do with these guys Stan?” she asked “I think they’re spoiling us”  
Stan thought so too. He knew that Nick’s family were pretty comfortable, though not so comfortable that they could put Nick through university without noticing how much it was costing. But he hadn’t thought that Ashton was particularly well off at all - not new car and expensive restaurants well off. He looked from Ashton to Nick. They didn’t look worried. Their athletics loans must be better than he’d thought.  
Stan leaned across the table and gave Ashton a kiss.  
“I think we’re going to have to find some way of spoiling them back” she replied with a laugh.

 

Louis looked at his watch as he left the athletics office. He’d gotten so involved in listening to Coach Bass’ reminiscences that he’d completely lost track of time. Coach Bass might not want Harry Styles handing around asking questions, but he didn’t seem to mind Louis Tomlinson. As soon as he’s said he was thinking of doing a piece for the school paper about the importance of sports in campus life, he’d leaned back, put his feet up on the desk and started talking.  
He’d talked about what a loss it had been to the school when Harry Styles quit football. “When I got here, Harry was the best we had” Coach Bass said “Hell he was the best anybody had. The rest of the athletes here were no better than second string. When Harry left, it demoralised everyone, not just the football players. That’s when I knew I had to get tough” He told him how he and his staff had turned the London athletics department from a third rate embarrassment no professional scout worth his expenses would even bother to look at into a seedbed for the major teams in every field and every division.  
“Not that I did it alone” Coach Bass kept saying “I like to give credit where it’s due. This has been a team effort in every sense of the word”  
He was full of amusing stories and colourful anecdotes “Don’t forget to mention the time Hemmings left his new camera on the bus in Newcastle. Chased it five blocks before he caught it”  
He leaned over to make sure Louis was getting it all down “You know who I mean right? He’s the one everyone is betting will get into the Olympic running squad within the next year”  
He had lots of useful advice for anyone wanting to put together an award winning athletic department “Go for the gold, that’s the secret. Just go for the gold. Don’t fool around with guys who might be good if they work their arse off. Concentrate on the guys who will be great if you work their arses off. Then you have a chance”  
He also kept calling him “angel”. “You should try out for the cheerleaders angel” he’d said more than once “You’ve got the sort of looks that really gets the boys blood moving”  
“I’d like to get his blood moving” grumbled Louis to himself as he cut across the grass, not meaning it at all in a complementary sense. He was meant to meet Stan for lunch ten minutes ago.  
Once he’d reached the main quad, he started to run I don’t understand why the pounds aren’t falling off me he was thinking as he raced along Never mind how hard I’m working right now and the fact that most of what I eat tastes like cardboard. Between the stress of living with Taylor and worrying about my classes I should be burning up calories by the millions.  
But he wasn’t. Louis pounded down the path towards the coffee house. This morning he’d weighed himself on Liam’s scale and actually put on half a pound. Half a pound! Liam said it must be water. “Water doesn’t weigh all that much” Louis had said in dismay.  
He was still thinking about that half pound when he ploughed into someone coming from the opposite direction. They crashed to the ground in a shower of paper and books.  
“I’m so sorry” Louis apologised, pulling himself up with as much dignity as he could manage “I’m so sorry. I didn’t even see you. I wasn’t paying attention….”  
“I guess you weren’t” he pulled a leaf from Louis’ hair “It isn’t exactly flattering that you didn’t see me”  
Louis flushed. He might not have noticed him before, but he noticed him now. He had been almost this close when he handed him the rose in the library, but that hadn’t been in daylight. In daylight everything about him looked too perfect to be real - especially that smile.  
“On the other hand” he went on “There’s no such thing as an accident, there is only will and chance”  
“You’re quoting” Louis said smiling back  
There had been a time when the way he looked at him made him nervous. It wasn’t making him nervous now, but it was making him wish that he’d worn something more attractive. It was definitely making him wish he hadn’t put on that half a pound.  
“Maldono” he said, picking up one of the books he’d dropped “Poem to a Lover” He turned the thin volume over “It’s not in this collection. It’s in Memories and Dreams. You’re reading this for class?”  
Louis shook his head “For pleasure”  
The mans eyes went from the book to Louis’ “Not many people read Maldono anymore” he said “I think they find her poems a little too much work to be considered fun, but she’s always been one of my favourites”  
“Mine too” Louis couldn’t stop looking at those glass blue eyes “I like that she’s so hard to pin down”  
“I saw you that first morning, walking with your friends. I stopped in the middle of doing something. There was sunlight on the trees and on your hair. Maybe you laughed and looked my way. Maybe you spoke. Maybe it was only a dream”  
“Remembering” Louis answered immediately  
“I see you know your stuff” he extended his hand “And I’m William. William White”  
“Louis Tomlinson” he answered, but he had the feeling William already knew that.  
“Maybe you’d like to go for a coffee or something” he said still holding his hand “It is lunchtime”  
He almost said yes, and then he remembered.  
“Oh no! Lunch!” he yanked his hand away and started frantically retrieving his things “I’m late. I’m sorry I really have to go”  
When they were both on their feet again, William gave him back the book “Nice bumping into you” he said “Maybe we can do it again sometime”

 

“Don’t jump down my throat” Zayn reached into the bag he’d brought into the news office and handed Harry his sandwich “All I wanted to know was whether you were thinking of asking Louis to homecoming. It wasn’t an armed assault; just a question”  
“And I gave you an answer”  
Zayn grinned “No, you didn’t, you gave me an attitude”  
Harry refused to look into that concerned and friendly smile. It was beginning to seem to Harry that no matter how hard you tried to keep people at a distance, there was always one or two who had a way of sneaking up close.  
He could feel Zayn watching him.  
“So why don’t you ask him” Zayn persisted “You know you like him. You’re always telling me what a terrific reporter he is, how much you enjoy working with him. And you have been spending a lot of time with him out of hours…he spent the night here…”  
Just because Harry had made a few positive comments about Louis and looked after him for one night, Zayn was always bringing up his name lately. Why couldn’t he understand that the only passion between Harry and Louis was for the truth…blatantly.  
“Working is the key word here” Harry said “We work together and that’s it. Just because Louis and I make a good team at the station doesn’t mean I want to dance with him Zayn”  
Zayn bit into his burger “So what happened? You asked him and he turned you down?”  
Harry felt like banging his head on his computer. He used to be good at hiding his feelings, but ever since his first glimpse of Louis Tomlinson he’d been getting less good. He might as well hang his heart around his neck on a chain.  
Harry gave up and looked at his friend “No Zayn” he said with mock patience “He did not turn me down”  
“So what then? He’s already going with someone else?”  
Harry helped himself to a handful of Zayn’s chips. “What are you all of a sudden? Mr Lonely Hearts?”  
“No. I’m your best friend. And I sense a new restlessness and moodiness in you lately Haz. Different to your usual restlessness and moodiness” Zayn took a drink “So if he’s not going with someone else, why don’t you ask him?”  
“Because he’s probably going with someone else, alright Zayn? Is that good enough for you? Can we stop now?”  
“But you don’t know for sure that he is?”  
“Zayn!” Harry threw his sandwich down on the desk “Has it ever occurred to you that Louis might not want to go to the dance with me?”  
Zayn took a second burger out of his bag “Has it ever occurred to you that he might?”

 

“So what have you been up to Stan?” Louis asked as the waitress placed his salad plate in front of him.  
He shrugged “Oh, not much. You know, the usual”  
Stan wished that he’d given up on waiting for Louis and left the coffeehouse when he had the chance. Louis seemed distracted and anyway, what were they supposed to talk about now they had drifted so far apart? They’d already gone through classes and the weather and the latest movies. The things that Stan really wanted to talk about - Ashton and his wonderful new life - all involved either the Sigmas or Nick. And he couldn’t mention those things to Louis with out starting an argument or hurting his feelings.  
“Not much? What about Homecoming? You must be excited about that. It’s all everyone is talking about anymore”  
Stan perked up. Maybe this wasn’t going to be so difficult after all. Maybe Louis had a big date for the dance and wouldn’t even notice that Stan and Ashton were doubling with Nick and Eleanor.  
“It’s gonna be pretty awesome isn’t it?” he asked letting his excitement show “I mean our first university Homecoming! Ashton’s taking me to Carlino’s for dinner first and everything. I just know it’s going to be the best night of my entire life”  
Louis gave him a quizzical look “Carlino’s? That’s pretty expensive isn’t it? I thought a family of six could eat for a week on what a bowl of soup costs at that place”  
Stan used to admire Louis for his sarcasm, but right now he found it annoying. Did he have to find fault in everything all the time?  
“What about you?” Stan asked instead “Who are you going with?”  
“Me?” Louis stabbed a lettuce leaf “I’m not going. I don’t think I could spend the whole night watching Nick with someone else. Besides, no one’s asked me”  
Stan grabbed his fork. It was time to put something in his mouth so he didn’t feel awkward about not knowing what to say.  
“Did I tell you Ashton’s getting a new car?” he asked racing for yet another topic “A Range Rover. It’s such a lush car. He’s having it custom painted and everything”  
The quizzical look came back “A new car?”  
There was something in the way Louis said a new car that Stan didn’t like.   
“But did I tell you the best news?” Stan asked racing on “Ashton thinks he can take me with him when the team go on their winter break. Won’t that be wonderful? Last year they went to….”  
“Kavos beach resort”  
As eager as he was to keep the conversation going and away from Nick, Stan paused “How did you know that?”  
“I don’t know” Louis bit into a carrot stick “I guess somebody must have told me”  
“But it’s amazing don’t you think?” Stan steamed on “Ashton thinks they might even go to Switzerland this year skiing.  
Louis chewed thoughtfully “Switzerland? I think that’s pretty incredible”

 

Taylor hated the rain, and not just because it made her hair go limp. It was hard to carry a conversation with someone when you were walking in the rain. Especially if that someone refused to get under your candy striped umbrella but strode through the downpour so quickly that you practically had to run to keep up with him.  
“You know what our little princess reporter is up to now?” Taylor asked, trying to sound casual despite the fact she was jogging.  
William glanced over at her. Everyone wore brightly coloured mackintoshes or umbrellas in this weather, but not William. He wore a long black canvas coat and a black hat. Looking like he’d stepped out of some kind of war film, and just like the main characters in those films, you should never turn your back on him. Taylor hated him for looking so attractive as much as she hated the rain.  
“Princess reporter?” William asked slowing down just a little.  
“Didn’t I tell you that Louis has started working at the news website? Apparently he was quite the journalist in sixth form and now he’s decided to go for website reporting. It’s supposed to be a big deal. She’s getting special training or something”  
William’s eyes narrowed and he slowed down a little more “With Harry?” he asked “Harry Styles?”  
There was something about the way he said the name that caught Taylor’s attention. It wasn’t just dislike. William disliked almost everyone, anyway; there was nothing unusual about that. It was just she thought she’d heard the tiniest bit of….anxiety in his voice. Taylor pushed the idea away. It was ridiculous, of course. William White wasn’t afraid of anything. Not even her.  
Taylor shrugged and her umbrella bobbed. “I really don’t know” she answered “We haven’t talked about it at any great length. I guess he’s working with Harry. He’s the big hotshot reporter there isn’t he?”  
William nodded “Yeah, he’d the big hotshot reporter” he was walking besides her now, at her pace, his arm touching hers “So what’s the story Louis’ doing?” he asked “I take it it’s not about Homecoming”  
“You can bet your last million that it’s not about that”  
He gave her elbow a squeeze “So what is it about? You know I hate it when you play games with me Taylor”  
Taylor pulled away. As beautiful as William was, he definitely had a lousy temper “It’s about the illegal recruitment of athletes on campus” she said slowly, pausing for the words to take effect  
“What? It’s about what?”  
“I just told you. Illegal recruitment of athletes” Taylor explained, trying to remember what had been written in Louis’ notebook that she had sneaked out of his bag during the night “You know, where they give players special treatment and things so they’ll come here and not go somewhere else”  
William nodded again “Oh, is that all?” he sounded relieved  
Taylor looked at him sharply Is that all? Had he missed the significance of this entirely?  
“Well I’m glad to see you’re taking this so calmly” Taylor continued “Because I must say, I was a little shocked myself. I mean, I know Louis and Nick aren’t together anymore, but I think it was a little vindictive of him to try and get back at Nick like that”  
William stopped “Are you saying that Louis’ doing this story just to get her old boyfriend into trouble?” he asked  
She looked back at him, innocent as a leaf. “I don’t know for sure” Taylor purred “But it does seem a little tacky doesn’t it? I mean, to do a story that’s going to cause a major scandal when you know you ex boyfriend is one of the biggest jocks on campus” she made a helpless, bewildered face “What do you think? Don’t you think that’s a little strange?”  
He wasn’t revolted or outraged. He smiled “I think it must mean he doesn’t love him anymore”

 

“This is incredible” Harry breathed, his voice openly admiring “Absolutely incredible” he turned to Louis, his eyes shining with excitement “You’ve done an amazement job”  
Louis flushed at the praise. Coming from Harry, who everyone said gave praise sparingly, if ever, it really meant something. He looked into his eyes.  
People always said that the eyes were the windows to the soul, but in Harry’s case they were the shutters. His eyes usually looked so guarded and wary these days that it was impossible to guess what was going on in his head, never mind his heart. But right now, his look was so open he almost thought that it wasn’t just excitement that made his eyes shine, but pride as well.  
“I’m just getting started” he said, forcing his gaze away from Harry’s eyes. He pointed to the new outline he’d made for himself “I still want to talk to the alumni, you know, ex players, team supporters. But also to people who were involved in athletics here before Coach Bass remade the department”  
He looked up from Louis’ notes. “That’s brilliant” he said “If you can show just how systems, expectations and attitudes have changed, you’ll know exactly what you’re looking for”  
He nodded “If I can make a comparison, I can really show what happened here. As it is, the change has been so gradual that nobody even questions whats been going on”  
Harry laughed. It was a sound not often heard in the news offices in the last week, but it was a sound that Louis knew he could get used to.  
They were sitting side by side at Harry’s desk, so close their arms were touching. Louis could feel Harry’s breath on his face.  
Louis had been with Nick for so long that he’d almost forgotten that other men existed. Until he’d met Harry and every now again, even though before the thought of filling that space in his heart with someone else. But now. He kept getting these surges of awkward, unexpected emotion that he hadn’t felt in so long. There was something about Harry that just sang to him, reeled him in.  
“I was told you were exceptional” Harry said with a smile and put his arm around Louis’ shoulders, just like he used to…until for some reason he’d stopped “But you’ve exceeded my expectations”  
“Said by the most exceptional man I’ve ever met” Louis just sat there looking into those amazing, deep intelligent green eyes, his cheeks burning at the slip of his tongue. He hadn’t meant to say that at all. But how could he not. How could he not tell Harry just the smallest hint of what he really felt.

I don’t know you half as well as I would like and only like you half as much as you deserve. He thought as he bent his head closer to Harry’s. The green in Harry’s eyes was decreasing due to the heavy dilation of his pupils. But just as Louis thought Harry was going to move his face a fraction and kiss him. He took a deep breath and turned back to his notes.  
There was an uneasy silence between them. Louis shifted back a little. Humiliation sitting heavily in his stomach.  
“What about Nick?” Harry asked suddenly

Louis dropped his pen “What?”   
Harry leaned down and retrieved his pen from the floor, pressing it back into Louis’ hand.  
“Nick” he repeated “I know he’s done shit to you and I know you….love him…”  
His eyes went back to the desktop and took a deep breath, carefully choosing his words “You realise that even from what you’ve got now, there is a chance Nick might be….implicated in all this. I wouldn’t want you to….”  
“It’s not a problem” Louis said quickly. For some reason, he didn't want Harry to think he was doing this to get back at Nick because he was in love with him. He wasn’t. The feels he had felt for Nick had left him for good this time.   
“I know Nick really well, well I think I do, we’ve had our bad patch. He did say some horrible things to me. But this isn’t about me. I know that whatever is going on here, Nick is not going to have been a part in it. He would never do anything that was illegal”  
“Right” Harry said, shortly and bluntly and moved his chair a little away from Louis “I just thought….”  
“He’s one of the most honest people I know” Louis added with a little more emotion that he’d intended “There’s no question about his role in this”  
“All right” Harry said cooly. His voice was calm and controlled, but the wary, guarded look was back in his eyes. The mood of excitement and closeness that had passed between them was gone.  
“I didn’t mean to sound so….I’m sorry” Louis apologised, not entirely sure what had suddenly changed  
“Don’t mention it” Harry snapped “I get it. Nick is the most honest jock in the school” He gave him a businesslike smile “Full steam ahead then”

And he was gone. He got up. Shut off the only desk light lit in the room and strode towards the door and out into the corridor in moments, leaving Louis alone. In the dark. Wondering what could have possibly changed in that brief time and wishing that he could have kissed Harry whilst he’d had the chance.


	18. Chapter 18

Niall was about to leave for his first class when Liam exploded into the room.  
“Guess what!” Liam said as he threw his things on his bed and then flopped besides them.  
“I just asked Sophia to the game and the dance and she said yes!”  
Niall couldn’t help but roll his eyes. Another happy couple to contend with. Great.  
“I can’t wait to see Sophia dressed up” Liam was babbling on “She’ll look so gorgeous that it should be illegal”  
Niall was currently thinking some choice thoughts that should be illegal. None of them were polite.  
“Connor was looking for you” he said “You missed him by about ten or fifteen minutes”  
Liam broke off from wondering if he should wear a tux to the dance “Connor Maynard?” he asked looking puzzled “What did he want? I already know I’m being pledged for the Sigmas”  
“He wanted to talk to you about Louis. He wants you to tell Louis what he has to do to prove his loyalty to the brothers. Your pledge is riding on whatever that is”  
“I don’t know what he has to do” worried Liam, biting his finger nail  
Niall passed him a thick white envelope with the silver fraternity insignia on it “You do now” he shrugged and sat down, waiting for Liam to read it out and for his reaction. He’d expected Liam to be as outraged and horrified as he was, but he’d been wrong. The chocolate brown eyes looked a little dismayed, that was all.  
Liam tossed the white paper aside as though it was nothing more than a shopping list “I’ll talk to Lou this afternoon. He’s going to take some convincing. I mean, he’s not exactly Matthew Spencer’s biggest fan…but….”  
“Is that it?”  
“Is what it?”  
“Is that all you have to say about it? After the way Matthew treated those people and the way the Sigma’s have been harassing Louis ever since, is that all you can say, he’ll come around?”  
Liam looked baffled “What do you want me to say? That I wont get to join my fathers fraternity because someone I tried to be friends with got into a scuffle with the most important man on campus?”  
Niall groaned “There are so many things wrong with that sentence. Let me start with saying I don’t want you to not join. That’s your choice. Secondly. Matthew isn’t that important. We all know that I am the most important man in your life” he paused a moment to laugh to himself. Liam just looked confused.  
“Look” he sat down and swept a hand through his partially bleached hair “I thought you might be a little more angry with Connor and those guys…for you know…humiliating your friends for kicks?”  
“Why should I be angry with them?” asked Liam shrugging “It’s not my fault that kid messed things up for me. I should have never tried to be his friend. If I had known that trying to involve him would ruin my life then I wouldn't have tried”  
“Ruin your life? Liam for fucks sake it’s just a fraternity! You don’t see me getting this crazy over a badge do you?”  
It was official his roommate was officially loosing his mind.  
“I want to be in that fraternity! I only have one life Niall! And my lives plan included being in the Sigmas and being president just like my dad!”  
“Right. Well good luck with that” Niall knew this conversation was going to go nowhere “Because there is no way that you can get Louis to go through with that” he paused at the door before leaving the room “And if you are any kind of friend, you wouldn’t force him to do so. Don’t punish him for being the only one brave enough to say what we were all thinking”  
Liam sat with his head in his hands for a few moments. This was so important and really needed to have a great deal of thought put into it. He thought about what Louis had been through since he had known him. He considered his sweet, kindly nature, his unwavering loyalty. Niall was right. It was a shitty thing to do. However…. in one movement he grabbed his phone and dialled Louis.  
“Louis? Where are you?” he asked, putting on his most distraught tone “I need to talk to you right away?”

“So what did you really think?” Harry was asking himself as he dribbled a ball past Zayn “Just because he looked at you like maybe you weren’t just another colleague, like maybe you were more than a friend, that maybe he thought you were a nice guy. Did you really think he would be interested? Did you really think because he was working so hard on the article, it meant that you’d be wrong about him still being in love with Nick? Did you really think he wouldn’t care if that prick got into trouble? Are you a fucking idiot or what?”  
Harry raised his arms, aimed, jumped…and watched the ball bounce off the rim.  
“Nice one Haz!” Zayn shouted, scooping the ball up in one deft motion and slipping around him “You should have told me you were on my team!”  
Harry raced after Zayn.  
“I’m an idiot, that’s what I am. A complete looser. How could I ever have thought that I might have a chance with Louis? He probably wasn’t even thinking about me when he looked at me like that. He was probably thinking of him. It’s obvious he still worships the guy. He would have thrown the story back in my face if he’d thought for one second that he might get hurt by it”  
Zayn raised the ball, he aimed, he jumped. Harry jumped too, trying to block the shot.  
“Eleven - nothing!” Zayn yelled as the ball dropped through the net “Nothing Styles! As in none, zilch, zero, nada. Nothing to eleven! You want to quit whilst I’m incredibly far ahead?”  
“And even if there was no Nick Grimshaw, and even if his interest in you wasn’t just progressional or even that I’m a shoulder to cry on, so what? You’re going to walk right into it? You’re going to set yourself up to loose something else? If you don’t have anything then you don’t have anything to loose”

The ball bounced off Harry’s head and fell to the ground.  
“Oy! Styles! I’m talking to you! You want to keep going or do you want to quit?” Zayn yelled at him  
“I don’t know” Harry said, still thinking about Louis “I just don’t know”

The first time Louis reached the door of the tv station, he kept right on walking. He hadn’t seen Harry since he had left him alone in the dark, and he wasn’t afraid to admit that he was missing him. Badly. He couldn’t remember the last time they’d hung out and he couldn’t exactly pin point the moment, but it was like Harry had lost all interest in him. What had happened to relaxed, caring, open Harry who cuddled him in bed? Or the Harry who he joked around with at the station? Or the Harry who wanted him to talk about things and be his friend?   
Ever since he and Harry had discussed their story, he hadn’t been able to stop thinking about it. He couldn’t figure Harry out. Some times he could sense a bond between them so strong that it almost frightened him, and other times he was so cold and distant that he was convinced he didn’t like him at all.  
It was crazy to think about it now, but he was positive that for one moment that afternoon, Harry had wanted to kiss him. And then he’d brought up Nick, and an invisible wall had sprung up between them. He couldn't decide if Harry thought he was helping him because he wanted to get back at Nick, or if he thought Louis would want to throw the story away if it did turn out that Nick was implicated in some way.  
Louis came to the end of the path. Maybe he should just keep going. He had an interview with Jack Whitehall, the basketball coach, in half an hour, he might as well go a little early and use the time to see what he could pick up in the athletics office.  
“That’s what I’ll do” Louis announced to himself “I’ll go ahead to my interview”  
Instead, he turned around and went back the way he came. Although he couldn’t tell weather or not Harry liked him, Louis was beginning to realise how he felt about him. He was terrified of starting a new relationship on the rebound from Nick, but in spite of this it was getting harder and harder to kid himself about Harry any longer. He felt enormously attracted to him. Every time he saw Harry sitting down, he wanted to jump into his lap, wrap his arms around his neck, twisting those silky curly strands of hair around his fingers, loose himself in those vivid green eyes and press his lips against his.   
He could feel his skin getting hot at the thought, as he imagined how it might feel to have Harry’s huge hands cupping his arse cheeks through his tight jeans, pulling him closer on his lap, gasping into his mouth, at the friction he could cause to Harry’s crotch.  
Harry was beautiful. He had character. He had strength. Harry wasn’t fooled by appearances and he didn’t let anyone push him around. He was perfect.  
Once more Louis found himself standing in front of the news office door. He stared at the sign on the door as though he’d never seen it before.   
“It’s not going to work” Louis decided “I just can’t do it, and that’s that”  
He spun on his heel and headed back in the other direction. Whether Harry liked him or not, whether he was interested in him or because he was on a rebound from Nick, it didn’t matter. He was never going to be able to ask Harry to the Homecoming Ball, and that was all there was to it. Everyone knew that Harry Styles was a loner. He wasn’t interested in dating or having a relationship. He was only interested in the news.  
“I must be insane” Louis told himself as he reached the end of the path again, only to turn around and march straight back to the station “I must be really crazy. Of course he isn’t interested in me. I’m just a colleague to him. That’s all he cares about. That’s all I’ll ever be”  
He stopped in front of the door once more and this time put his hand out towards the handle. He touched it.   
He pulled away and turned around so fast that he slammed into someone coming up behind him.  
“Oh I’m so sorry!” he gasped “I’m really sorry”  
He could feel himself trembling with embarrassment as he looked into his face, his big hands were on his shoulders, steadying him and in that instant Louis knew he could do it. He could ask him to the dance. “Harry, I…”  
He dropped his shoulders suddenly “Wait a minute. What are you doing here?” Harry demanded “You’re supposed to be interviewing Whitehall this afternoon. You’re going to be late”  
“Me? I..”  
“You’re not changing your mind about this are you? You aren’t having second thoughts?”  
He wasn’t even looking at Louis. He was rifling around in his stupid notebook. “Because if you are….”  
It was true. Why didn’t he just face it. It was only about work. It would only ever be about work now. Whatever they had shared, had died. Without warning, without explanation. Just died.  
“No” Louis snapped, resisting the urge to kick him in the shins “I’m not changing my mind about that!”

 

“It’s a good thing I don’t have a gun” said Harry to his unopened bottle of water “I’d probably end up shooting myself” He pushed his half eaten sandwich away and put his head on his desk with a groan.  
Whatever was wrong with him anyway? It was as if his emotions were a string and he was the yo-yo. One minute he wanted to take Louis into his arms and do so many ungodly, sinful things to him. The next he was pushing him away.  
Harry closed his eyes. He couldn’t believe it when he fell into him that afternoon. He couldn’t believe how small and fragile he felt in his hands. And he’d looked so beautiful. Flushed, bright eyed and out of breath, he couldn’t remember ever seeing him look more handsome. He looked the way he had in his dream. Expectant, excited, happy to see him.  
Had he been happy to see him? He didn’t know anymore. He’d been so surprised to see him as though he had materialised out of his thoughts - and so rattled that he couldn’t get rid of him fast enough. Seeing him there when Louis should have been in the athletics office, he’d been sure he was going to back out of the story. He’d looked so confused and so nervous that he knew he was going to tell him that he couldn’t go on. He’d been thinking it over, and he couldn’t risk hurting Nick. Not even after all he’d done and said to destroy Louis. Not even when truth and fairness were at stake.  
And that was why Harry had yelled at him. He could see the look on his face. It was like he’d verbally slapped him.  
“Harry?”  
“This is all I need” Harry thought “Now I’m hearing his voice when I’m alone”  
“Harry?”

Not only was he hearing his voice, but it sounded upset like Louis needed him.  
“Harry, I’m really sorry to bother you, but….”  
Harry raised his head and looked around.  
Louis was standing in the doorway, strained and pale, his notebook clutched in his hand. It was hard to tell because half the lights were off, but he looked as though he was close to tears.  
“What is it Lou?” he got to his feel.  
Slowly, as though this were a dream, he came towards him, holding out the book.  
Harry took it from him “Nick?” he asked  
He nodded “You were right” he whispered “He is implicated”  
And Harry had also been right about him being close to tears.  
“Do you want to forget this?” he asked sitting back down in his chair and pulling Louis onto his lap, cradling him in his arms and rubbing circles of comfort on his back. This would be the right thing to do. They should forget the whole thing and chuck truth and justice out of the window whilst he put his time and energy putting this sad little boy back together, using his love and hope and care as glue and tape.  
“We can jack it in Lou. Do something else?” his voice was soft and gentle, and it was so hard to resist kissing Louis’ temple or his cheek, contenting himself with smoothing his hair away from his eyes.  
He was shaking his head.  
“All I want is to believe it isn’t true. But you were right?”

 

It sickened Louis to admit that out loud. It was so ironic that it was he who had known Nick for so long and so well, should have been wrong, and Harry who had probably never even said hello to Nick in his life be right.  
“I should have warned you this could happen” he said gently, his fingers were running through his hair, and Louis found himself leaning into his touch, chasing his fingers, not wanting him to stop stroking him. Harry sounded almost guilty “I should have warned you that the truth can hurt. I’m so sorry you got hurt Lou”  
Instead of speaking, Louis tucked his face into Harry’s neck. Feeling slightly soothed, by having his hair and back stroked. Feeling comforted by the fresh clean scent of Harry’s t-shirt and skin. He groaned inwardly. It was all Stan’s fault. While Louis had been interviewing Coach Whitehall, a few chance remarks Stan had made had come into his head. Something about Ashton being lucky he didn’t have to study much since his time was taken up with practices, but with people wanting to give dinners for the players all the time.   
“The way the athletes are treated on this campus, you’d think the place was designed for them” Stan had said. He’d mentioned Ashton’s new Range Rover and going to an incredibly expensive Carlino’s for dinner. Sensing he might be on to something, Louis had decided to drop his slightly probing, professional style with Coach Whitehall and adopted an attitude of open admiration instead. Hiding behind his young looks, and the sweet, innocent smile that always worked so well for him, Louis had stopped asking for information, and started wheedling it out of him.  
Gently and innocently, Louis had pumped the coach about the way the basketball team was treated. Coach Whitehall had chatted unguardedly thinking he was impressing him.  
Hoping to open him up even more, Louis had mentioned Nick “My boyfriend Nick Grimshaw” he’d said praying that the coach wouldn’t know he’d left out the tiny work ‘ex’. He hadn’t known. At the mention of Nick, the coach became more effusive “One of the best players we’ve got” he’d boasted “And believe me, it cost us the sun and the moon to get him here. But I’m sure I don’t have to tell you how many top-notch universities were after him”

He hadn’t had to tell him. Louis had fought back a sour smile. He’d believed that Nick had picked the same university as him and not one of the bigger schools because of him. Apparently he had been wrong about that too.  
Louis groaned out loud. He wished he’s never started this. He wished it were last week and Harry was showing him the stuff he’d uncovered, and instead of saying that it looked like the biggest story he’d ever seen, said “It’s not for me Haz, get someone else”  
Louis felt the softest touch to his eye socket, and took a moment to realise Harry was dabbing at his eye with a tissue.

“Hey” Harry spoke, he kept his voice very low, trying to sound as soothing and comforting as he could manage, whilst trying to announce what he saw as a great sacrifice.  
“I’ve decided we shouldn’t take this further. I mean, what’s the point? There is no question that the sports teams are really important to the school. Whatever’s gone on that hasn’t been completely aboveboard was to help the university,not hurt it. It’s not like these things have been done for personal gain”  
“What about truth and justice?” asked Louis in a whisper, looking down at his hands through thick eyelashes “What about fairness and honesty?”  
Harry tilted Louis’ chin up with one finger and dipped his head to look into those beautiful blue eyes that had him so hypnotised. He gave a little smile. “Everyone has to compromise sometime Louis. Nothing is black and white. The trick is knowing when to compromise and when to push”

Louis stared at Harry, torn between gratitude for the generosity of his gesture and disgust that his own weakness should have forced him to make such a sacrifice. Suddenly everything fell into place. The scandal and the shock and hurt when it broke wasn’t Stan’s fault or Harry’s fault, or even his fault. It was the fault of the people who believed that the ends justified the means.  
Still staring down at his lap, he lifted his hand, and linked his fingers with Harry’s, squeezing them and looking right into Harry’s eyes. The shutters had gone. He was actually looking at him. Eyes wide open, soul bare.  
“In that case” he said calmly, squeezing his hand again “I think it’s time to push”


	19. Chapter 19

“Is Louis still working with Harry Styles?” William asked.

Taylor looked up from shaking ketchup on her chips. Ever since she’d told William that Harry was training Louis, he didn’t let a day go by without asking about it. She wouldn’t have thought that someone like William would even be aware of Harry’s existence, but he was more than aware. He was disturbed.  
“Working with him?” Taylor smiled “I’d say that those two might be doing a little bit more than working” she picked up a chip and bit off the end “If you know what I mean”  
William eyed her coldly over the rim of his coffee cup “No Taylor, I don’t know what you mean. Are you saying that Louis is going out with Harry?”  
“Oh no, William. I didn’t mean to imply that” Taylor protested, even though that was exactly what she meant.  
Ever since she’d discovered that William was worried about Harry, she’d been determined to give him something to worry about. It didn’t matter to Taylor if she had to stretch the truth now and then to do so. It didn’t matter if she had to out right lie. Harry was a weak point in William, and she was going to make the most of it. How much Louis actually saw of Harry or how close they were wasn’t important at all.  
She finished her chip and delicately licked the oil from her finger tips “All I meant was that Louis seems to be spending quite a lot of time with Harry” Taylor shrugged “I guess it’s this story they’re working on. As far as I can tell, they’re together every night”  
William sipped his coffee without comment, but the glacier-blue eyes were deep in calculation.  
“To be honest I’m a little surprised” Taylor went on “I wouldn’t exactly have thought that Harry Styles was twinkle-toes’s type”  
The pale eyelashes flickered, but he still didn’t speak.  
“I mean, he’s not really a big man on campus, is he? Not anymore. I suppose some people would find him attractive in a sort of renegade way, but he isn’t what you’d call classically good looking, is he?” she bit into another chip “Or blonde” she added, wiping a dab of ketchup from the corner of her mouth.  
The classically good looking and blonde William continued to study her wordlessly.  
Taylor smiled ‘Of course, you never can tell with these sweet virginal types can you?” she asked “You think they’re into poetry and moonlight walks and what they really want is some cowboy to pull them onto the back of his horse”  
William put his cup into its saucer with a click.  
“There are times Taylor” he said softly “When I’d really love some cowboy to pull you onto the back of a horse” his lips twitched “preferably one that bucks”

 

Harry slowly climbed up the stairs, taking longer to do so than necessary. After he’d walked Louis back to his room - when he really wanted to bring him back to his own.  
Louis had seemed alright when they’d said goodnight, but Harry couldn’t be certain and wished that he could have stayed with him, wanting to cuddle and comfort the smaller boy and lavish him with affection. Affection that he was finding it very difficult to show outside of his minds eye.  
Tapping on the familiar door to the apartment below his own, he lent against the door frame, hoping that there was someone home.  
It only took a couple of knocks for it to open, and there Zayn stood, head tilted enquiringly.  
No words needed to be spoken. Harry raised his eyebrows at Zayn briefly and turned, walking away to the next flight of stairs up to his own apartment. He heard the fumble of keys on wood, a door closing, and Zayn was following him dutifully up the stairs. This wasn’t the first time Harry had required his company.  
“Work couldn’t stop you from thinking?” were Zayn’s first words as he shut Harry’s front door behind him.  
Harry shrugged, his eyes looking at Zayn, but his thoughts somewhere else entirely. He was sure that Louis had made the right choice by going with the story and he was sure that he had made the decision for the right reasons. But he hated that he had been right. Being right in this situation hadn’t made him feel good in the slightest.  
Breathing out a sigh, he sat down on the arm of the settee and watched as Zayn wondered around the room, coming to a standstill in front of his wall of photographs.

Harry couldn’t believe that he hadn’t been more comforting towards Louis. He’d tried his best. He’d rubbed his back, he’d used his gentlest tone and he’d cuddled him. But it didn’t feel like he had done or said it all right. It felt so inadequate now he thought back on it.  
All the things he’d wanted to say, he hadn’t been able to. Louis frightened him. His feelings for Louis frightened him. So he held back. If he hadn’t have held back, Louis wouldn’t be alone in his room. Louis would be right here now, in his arms as they cuddled on the settee watching crappy television, or snuggled in bed, all warm and cosy, and together. But he was afraid so they weren’t. His fault. As usual.

Harry watched Zayn stare at the wall. He’d added new photos. New pictures of Zayn. Zayn in black and white sketching, Zayn laughing with Perrie over an xbox controller, Zayn gazing up at the sky with a thoughtful expression, Zayn in colour making a stupid face at Harry behind the camera.

“I made the wall then?” Zayn commented casually examining the pictures “How long have I known you and I’ve only just got a spot?”  
He turned his head towards Harry and gave him a little smirk.  
Harry’s lip twitched. He knew where this was going.  
“Someone else made the wall too I see” 

Harry pushed himself away from the settee and went to stand next to Zayn.  
There on the wall were some more of his recent additions.  
“He looks quite cute in that one” Zayn commented pointing to the picture of Louis that Harry had taken Halloween night. It was the one of him taking a lick of milk out of a saucer. Harry couldn’t help but smile. Louis didn’t look cute. He was downright adorable!  
“You’re in love with him aren’t you?”  
Harry didn’t answer. He didn’t need to. It was all there right in front of them. Pictures of Louis typing on his laptop, chewing on his pen, Louis licking his fingers clean as he ate, Louis wearing glasses and his favourite beanie, Louis laughing, Louis reading, Louis lunging towards the camera in protest of having his photo taken, Louis grinning from ear to ear as he laughed. So many different sides of Louis, all captured by Harry’s lens and stuck up on the wall of people and things that Harry found too beautiful just to keep in his minds eye. Harry’s family. His mum, his dad, his older sister and his little brother.  
He was glad he had the photos. They were what had started him capturing important and significant moments. His minds eye was loosing it’s edge. It was harder to picture them there now. The time that had passed and the power of what he felt for them blurred the images. He missed them so much that it was like a physical ache.

“Does he know?” Zayn asked quietly, knowing the answer without Harry having to say a word.  
“You need to tell him” he continued, taking a quick look at Harry’s face.  
“I don’t know how. I don’t know if I should”  
It was Harry who was alone. It wasn’t Louis who needed Harry. It was Harry that needed Louis, and needing was something that Harry didn’t want to touch with the tip of his finger. It was even more terrifying - if possible - than love.  
Zayn patted his shoulder gently and Harry knew that he was about to leave.  
“You can’t start a fire Haz without the risk of getting burned. But without a fire…you’ll freeze to death”  
Then there were footsteps retreating, the gentle open and close of the door and Harry sank down to sit on the floor. No expression on his face as he stared up at his wall, looking intently at the faces there. Faces that knew he loved and cared for them. And one face who seemed to have no idea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 10 kudos for the next chapter please :):):)


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is dedicated to 1DFan and Woharr for keeping me encouraged with every chapter :) Thank you :) xx

Some guys got so nervous before a big game that they couldn't sleep or eat beforehand.  If they did manage to go to sleep, they dreamed that they single-handedly lost the game, and woke up sweating.  If they did manage to eat some breakfast, they'd throw it up in the locker room.  All these guys had to do was imagine the bleachers filled with spectators and the coach watching from the sidelines, and they'd go to pieces.

But not Harry Styles.  In the days when Harry was the biggest star of the South East, he never got nervous before a game.  He got excited and keyed up, sure, but not nervous.  Not nervous like he was now.

In his jacket pocket was an envelope, and in that envelope was a poem he'd written to Louis.  He never could have explained his feelings out loud, but he had put them down in this poem.  Not only had he told him exactly how he felt about him, but he'd explained that there was something in his past that stopped him from taking any chances on love.

Although he'd already wiped his palms on his skinny jeans at least six times since leaving his apartment, Harry wiped them again as Heversham Hall came into view.

"I must be crazy" he muttered to himself as he came to a stop under a tree "I must be at least ten cards short of a full deck"

It would have been crazy enough if he'd simply spent the evening writing an emotionally charged poem to Louis.  That in itself would have been grounds for having himself put away in some nice, quiet padded cell.  But what was he doing actually delivering the poem?  Didn't he have any sense left?  Any self respect?  One tiny shrewd of self preservation?  Harry leaned his head against the tree.  He couldn't decide if he was on automatic pilot or self destruct.

This time Harry wiped his hands on the sleeve of his jacket.  At least he wasn't so insane that he intended to hand it to him in person.  He couldn't bear the thought of being there when he read it.  What if he laughed?  What if he was so horrified that he should have feelings for him that he gave up his job working with him?  No, he was going to slip it into his mailbox and be gone before anyone saw him.

Harry took a deep breath, his eyes on Heversham Hall.  That was, he was going to slip it into his mailbox if he could get himself across the street and through the doors.

"Just do it" he urged himself "If you're going to do it, then do it"  He took another deep breath.  No, facing an opposing team of men built like tanks hadn't scared him at all.  But being caught by Louis with a letter in his hand addressed to him terrified him into paralysis.

He removed the poem from his jacket pocket and held it in his hand.   _So don't give it to him.  If you're that upset about it, tear it up and throw it away_ said the sane, rational voice of his brain  _You wrote it, you got it out of your system, now chuck the stupid poem in the nearest rubbish bin._

Harry stared down at the off-white envelope with Louis Tomlinson typed across the front.  

 _You can't throw it away_ , the insane, irrational voice of his heart said  _You just can't.  Even if he laughs at you, even if he refuses to speak to you again, you have to try to make him understand.  If you don't reach out for Louis, you may never love anyone again._

"So I guess I'm going to listen to my heart"  Harry said as he started across the street "I guess I'm on automatic and self destruct"

 

 

 

Louis looked up as the door burst open and Taylor swooshed into the room.  He'd been so sure that Taylor wouldn't be back for hours that he couldn't hide a frown of disappointment.

"Don't get your boxer briefs in a twist princess" Taylor said noticing his expression "I'm not staying" she dumped her books and several shopping bags on her bed "I just want to change out of these revolting clothes.  I've got a date later" she tossed an envelope onto the desk beside Louis "Here" she said, undoing her skirt and letting it drop to the floor.

Louis looked down "What's this?"

Taylor tossed her blouse over a chair with a shrug "How should I know?  It was in our post box, and it has your name on it" she laughed sarcastically "Maybe our perfect princess has a secret admirer.  Stranger things have happened, haven't they?" she opened her wardrobe.

"Yes" Louis said sweetly "You have admirers after all"

"Oh ha ha ha" Taylor said.  She pulled out something red and slinky and held it up to herself in front of the mirror "Knowing you, it's probably just a note from the dorm monitor to thank you for always rinsing out the bathroom sink after using it"

Louis scowled at Taylor's back.  The horrible truth was that Taylor was probably right.  It probably was a note from the dorm monitor, or someone like one.  While Taylor threw the red dress side aside and pulled out something orange and made of Lycra, Louis tore open the envelope.

It wasn't a not from the dorm monitor.  Not at all.  Louis had to read the first stanza over several times before he understood what it was.  It was a poem, a poem written just for him.

Taylor humphed and sighed and complained about having nothing to wear as Louis read the typed page in his hand with amazement.  The poem was beautiful and poignant, and it moved him so much that he completely forgot he wasn't alone in the room.

"What is that?" Taylor's head appeared over his shoulder "It looks like some kind of poem"

Louis went to lay it facedown on the desk, but Taylor was too fast.  She snatched it out of his hand in delight "It is!" she squealed "Some poor deluded jerk is writing the princess poetry!"

"Give that to me" Louis ordered "Or you really will have nothing to wear because I'll cut everything you own into tiny pieces"

"Be my guest" Taylor opened her hand and let the poem float to the ground "I'm certainly not interested in your pathetic love life" she slung her bag over her shoulder and barged out of the room.

As soon as he was sure that Taylor had gone, Louis took the poem and sat on his bed to reread it.  When he came to the end there was a catch in his voice as he read out loud  _"But I'm too afraid to try...."_

Louis rested the page on his lap with a sigh.  Who could have written such a beautiful piece of poetry?  Who could have these feelings for him?

 _Harry._ It was the first name that came into his head.  The thought made his heart race.  He picked up the poem again.  Harry was an investigative reporter, not a poet, he reminded himself.  He'd never shown any interest in poetry, not even when he'd seen the books Louis was reading.

He leaned against his pillow "Do you think it's Harry because it really might be Harry?" he wondered out loud "Or is it because you really want it to be him?"

 

 

 

Harry shifted in his seat as the band came onto the field for half time.

Zayn looked over at him "You ever miss it?" he asked.

Harry nodded.  "Yeah.  I don't regret giving it up, but I miss it all the time"

It wasn't the sport that he hadn't liked.  He loved football.  What he hadn't liked was the way being a super jock had made him - arrogant, thinking the world owed him a living.  And what he hated was that if he hadn't been so wound up in himself, his family would still be alive.

"Especially when we're getting massacred and I know I could've done something about it" Harry added with a small smile.

A raucous whoop went up from a group of Thetres and their dates a few rows below them.

"I wish someone could do something about them" Zayn said glancing down at them, and wincing slightly when he saw that Perrie was part of the group "Football game, fraternity party, it's all the same to them"

Harry glanced down the bleachers for a second before resuming his scanning of the crowd looking for Louis.  He had no idea if Louis would be attending the match, but he was desperate to see him.  He was itching to know if he had received his letter and what he thought about it, desperate to know if Louis knew who had written it for him.  

But he hadn't seen him at all.

Sighing internally, he turned his attention to the group again, determined to stop thinking about possible outcomes before he drove himself crazy.

"It's Matthew Spencer.  You know he hates anything to take the attention away from him.  Even a Homecoming..."  The word game died in Harry's throat as Matthew Spencer and his date suddenly stood up in the centre of the group.

"I don't fucking believe it!" he heard Zayn hiss beside him "Isn't that Louis?"

Harry couldn't take his eyes off the smiling couple.  His breathing was becoming irregular, vision blurred from not being able to bring himself to blink.  It was Louis.  And he looked amazing.  Dressed up casual kind of amazing.  Tight black jeans, tight white t-shirt with a snug black jacket over the top.  Clearly his new diet was working wonders for him.  Even his hair looked different than normal.  Like he'd actually taken time to style it in a slightly messy fashion.  The whole thing added up to something that made Harry's heart ache.  Louis had dressed up and made himself look amazing to go on a date with Matthew Spencer.  Not Harry.  Matthew Spencer.  When did this even happen?  Louis hated Matthew!  Didn't he?  Harry bit his lip in an attempt to stop himself from snarling.  Obviously not!

Harry's fingernails dug into the palms of his hands and he felt his face heat up.  What a jerk he was.  What a fucking idiot.  What a fucking moron!  He'd written Louis a poem.  He'd poured his heart and soul out to him.  He thought Louis Tomlinson was going to be the person to help him put his heart back together again.  What a joke that was!  Louis wasn't interested in him.  He was interested in Matthew Spencer III.  What a prick he must think Harry was.  He'd probably laughed himself silly when he'd read his poem.

"Come on mate, let's go" Zayn said calmly in his ear, putting a comforting arm around his shoulders and helping him to his feet.  But it was too late.  Zayn had left it too late.  Standing high in the bleachers, looking down, Harry stared in horror, unfamiliar tears welling in his eyes as, Matthew cupped Louis' cheeks in his hands and kissed him.  Right there in the middle of the stadium, for the entire school to see.

Laughed?  He'd probably read it to Matthew and the two of them had laughed together!

 

 

"I don't mind admitting when I've been wrong" Louis stumbled over his words in a very unsure tone "And I was very wrong about you Matthew.  I was very wrong and I'm very sorry" he tried not to stiffen up as Matthew took hold of his hand in a very forceful grip "I'm really and truly sorry"

 

Liam smiled to himself.  This was going even better than he had thought possible.  

He'd waited till the last possible moment to run to Louis' room, knocking on the door, calling his name fretfully and covered in sweat...or water he had quickly spritzed over his face less than a minute before.

Louis had opened his door, looking concerned at the noise, but looking...well....hot.  

"Li?  What's wrong mate?" asked Louis, ushering him quickly into the room.  Liam dived in through the door, slammed it shut and locked it behind him.

"Louis! You've got to help me!" he pleaded desperately "I don't know what to do!  It's fucking crazy!  I've been going out of my mind.  I need your help Lou, please help me!"

Liam had been pacing wildly around the small room, but at the last sentence had thrown himself on his knees in front of Louis, clutching hold of his legs, hoping his face was every inch the look of heartbreak and misery as he could muster.

Louis carefully removed Liam's fingers from the tight grip on his legs and sank down to the ground, putting both his hands on Liam's shoulders.

"What's happened Li?  Tell me everything" he said soothingly, rubbing his shoulders in an attempt to calm the panicking boy.

"I did something stupid" Liam admitted, a small sob escaping his lips "I....I was at a party....and I got absolutely plastered....more drunk than I have ever gotten in my life..." he screwed up his eyes and tilted his head towards the floor "And I did something bad"

Louis' eyes widened, but he shuffled forward, wrapping his arms around Liam and coaxing his friend into a hug.  He knew already that whatever Liam needed, he was going to do.  Liam had been so nice to him lately.  They'd started hanging out on a regular basis.  Watching films, going out for a drink, playing xbox with Niall in Liam's room.  Liam was fun to be around and he was always very considerate.  Especially when it came to little things like his diet and his feelings when it came to Nick and Stan.

"What did you do?" he could help but ask, patting Liam's back gently.

Liam leaned out of his embrace and wiped the tears from his eyes.

"I sucked Niall off"

"You what?"

Louis was shocked.  Not only had Louis not realised Niall was gay - although now he thought about it...., but Liam was definitely straight.  He'd been talking about the "amazing Sophia" for ages now, and seemed to have a thing going between them.

"Don't make me repeat it"

"Ok.  Erm...Liam, I don't know how to help you with that" Louis floundered, not exactly understanding where his help came into the proceedings.

"Matthew Spencer secretly taped it"

"Fuck!" Louis' could feel his eyes trying to bust out of their sockets "What the fuck did he do that for?"

"I don't fucking know Louis!" Liam shouted, almost hysterical at this point "But he's threatened to play the video on the big screens at half time if.....if...."

"If what?"

"Shit! I don't know what to do Lou.  He said that...he said that there was only one thing that would stop him showing the video and delete it" answered Liam clawing at his face with his hands "And it involves you"

"Ok"  Louis tried to swallow the bubble of panic surging up his throat from his quivering stomach "What is the condition?  How can I help you?"

"I can't say it.  It's not fair.  I wouldn't expect you do to it" he abruptly moved to the door "I'm sorry Lou.  I shouldn't have come"

"Wait, wait, wait" Louis lunged and grabbed Liam's arm before he could unlock the door "Sit down and tell me what you need me to do.  At least give me the option"

Louis watched Liam internally struggle between sitting down and leaving without saying another word.  But he couldn't let Liam leave now.  He was so upset and Louis could see why.  Matthew was a nasty, malicious creep and he wasn't at all surprised that he had caught Liam in a venerable moment and black mailing him over it.  Poor Liam, and poor Niall!

Letting out a massive sigh.  Liam sank onto the bed.

"He wants you to apologise to him and be his date to the match" he said quietly, staring at the ground, looking like he wanted it to swallow him up.

"Of course he does" Louis angrily rolled his eyes "What a prick"

"I'm so sorry" Liam was saying "I don't expect you to do it.  You had every right to say what you did to him.  It's not your fault that he's so proud and got so embarrassed about the whole thing.  You shouldn't have to say something you don't mean on my behalf" he let out another sniff "I just can't believe I'm going to loose Sophia...and poor Niall.  He's going to be so humiliated.  Let's just say he has his kinks, and they're all in that tape"

"Ok.  That's all I need to know on that subject" Louis cut Liam off, holding his hands up in surrender "I don't want to know anything about Niall's kinks.  Especially when I have to face him on a daily basis"

"I should go pack" Liam said dejectedly standing again "I want to leave before it's shown"

Louis gulped.  This was going to go against everything he stood against.  But this wasn't about him anymore.  It was about Liam and Niall.  And if he could do something to help them, then he would.  No matter what it was.  Even if it was just going to project more humiliation on himself.  He almost laughed to himself.  It wasn't like his lack of popularity could get any worse.

"I'll do it" Louis told him kindly, trying not to show Liam how nervous he suddenly was "Don't worry.  I won't let him show that clip to anyone.  I'll kiss his arse if I have to!" he screwed his face up "Although I do not want it to get that far!"

Liam pounced on Louis, squeezing him tightly "Oh my god Lou!  Thank you so much!  You are so amazing!  I can't ever begin to thank you!"

Louis patted his back "Believe me.  You will be thanking me for years!" he assured him.

"So..why you so dressed up?" asked Liam, sitting back on the bed, attempting casual conversation "You look fantastic!"

Louis blushed slightly.  He had taken extra effort to look good today because he'd been hoping to see Harry at some point, and he really wanted to look his best.  He had been very excited when he realised he could fit back into his favourite clothes, and hoped that Harry would like them on him just as much.  He'd recently had a hair cut and used a bit of product to style his hair.  Harry was most definitely worth the effort - if it had been him who had written that beautiful poem.  

What a shame it was now going to be wasted on Matthew.  He wondered briefly if he should text Harry about it.  He might get a sympathetic hug later if he sounded sad enough...however, that would lead to awkward questions, and Louis didn't think it was right to share Liam's secret.  Especially as it was so personal.  He'd wait and see if the subject came up.

 

 

 

"I accept your apology" Matthew said solemnly "And I forgive you" he pulled Louis towards him, making the smaller boy stumble into his arms "Let's kiss and make up.  You know it's what you've wanted all along"

Louis tried to gasp, but Matthew had grabbed his cheeks and was holding him firmly in place, body pressed tightly against Louis' chest.  Matthew's lips were persistent and tasted horrible, he was trying to slip his tongue into Louis' mouth, and Louis wanted so badly to resist and kick the bastard in the balls.  But then he remembered Liam panicking in his room and for two seconds let him, keeping his own tongue out of the way.  This was honestly the most disgusting, gut wrenching thing he had ever been involved in.

The group of Thetres and Sigma's whistled and cheered.

Niall, who had watched the exchange open mouthed, wondering how Liam had managed to convince Louis to go through with this.  Obviously he wanted to be a Sigma more than Niall had realised, both Liam and Louis.  This was quite revolting to be honest.  What on earth did Louis see in Matthew to do that willingly.

Niall glanced behind him, searching for something to look at that wouldn't make him feel ill, or maybe something to eat.  And there he was, looking amazingly handsome in a hooded sweatshirt and pair of worn skinny jeans, staring intently down at them.  Niall's heart banged against his ribs.  Had he been wrong in thinking that Harry Styles didn't know or care if he was alive?  Could it be that Harry was watching him?

Niall put his hand over his eyes as though shielding them from the sun and pretended to scan the crowd, but in reality he was studying Harry's face.  His expression was more than intent - it was pained.  He almost looked as though he'd seen a ghost.

 _It's not me he's looking at at all_  Niall realised with a pang  _It's Louis!_   He turned back to the Sigmas and watched Louis still in Matthew's arms, and then back at Harry who was watching with such hurt and longing.  There was so much emotion in that expression.  He was certain of it.   _So Harry isn't the complete loner everyone says_ Niall thought as he gazed vacantly down at the field.   _He is capable of love._ It was just unfortunate that it wasn't Niall he was in love with.

 

After the kiss, it wasn't easy for Louis to convince Matthew that he didn't want to spend the rest of the afternoon with him.  Thank God, he already had a date for the dance or he would have expected Louis to accompany him to that too.  But Louis kept repeating in his head that this was for Liam, this was helping Liam and Niall.  And with that thought alone he was able to swallow the vomit that kept threatening to emerge.

Louis shuddered as he raced away after the game like Cinderella running out of the ball.  He'd had about as much of Matthew Spencer III as he could take in one life time.  He had to be the most egotistical, arrogant bore he'd ever met.  Not to mention his kissing skills sucked!

_But it's fine.  Matthew was happy.  It was just like going to the dentist.  You hate going but when it's over you feel better.  Now to find Liam and find out if he got the video deleted._

Connor had congratulated him as he was leaving on being pledged as a Sigma, which Louis was incredibly surprised about.  He wasn't pledging.  He wouldn't pledge if he was forced to at gun point!

"I can admit when I'm wrong too" Connor had said "I think you and Liam will make fantastic Sigmas.  So does everyone else.  Well done on turning yourself around"

 _What?_    _Where was Liam?_

 

In the end, he didn't bother to look.  The whole afternoon had made him feel filthy and since he had no plans to go to the dance, he just wanted to go back to his room, have a shower and then spend the whole evening reading his poem and think about Harry.  He wondered if Harry was going to the dance.  He probably was.  He was beautiful.  How could he not have a date?

Changing into a pair of baggy shorts and a tank top Louis flopped on the bed and stared at the ceiling deep in thought.

Taylor had dashed back to the room to change and then flounced off to the bathroom to finish putting on her make up, with a "Do try to make my Homecoming date feel comfortable if he arrives before I'm back won't you, princess?"

Louis had to stop himself from saying anything.  He didn't want to fight with Taylor tonight.  He was feeling much too miserable.  He'd had to do something horrible today, and now he didn't even have a date to the dance to cheer himself up.

When the knock came announcing the arrival of Taylor's date, Louis put down the book he was trying to read with a sigh.  The last thing he needed was to have to make pleasant conversation with one of Taylor's Neanderthal boyfriends.

He got up from his bed and opened the door.  The man stood there with a corsage in his hand and a polite smile on his face.

"You!" Louis was so surprised to find himself staring into the handsome, enigmatic face of William White that he blurted out the first thing that came to his mind "What are you doing here?"

His eyes went up and down him, drinking in his appearance.

"And why aren't you dressed for the dance?" he asked "Or is that what the real style-setters are wearing this year?"

Feeling for some reason, as though he'd just been complimented, Louis returned his smile "I know this outfit would make a real statement" he said "But the truth is I'm not going"

"Not going?" he looked almost happy "A beautiful boy like you isn't going to the Homecoming Ball?"

Now he had been complimented.  He shook his head "I decided to skip it this year" he shrugged and his smile brightened a little "I'd actually rather stay here and read Whitman"

William followed Louis into the room "Whitman's overrated" he said stopping at his desk and picking up a volume of poems he'd left there "he's got some good stuff, but I always felt he was a little too earnest.  If you'd actually spent an evening with him, he would probably have turned out to be an awful bore"

"It's just as well he didn't ask me to the dance then" Louis joked

William turned from the book to him "Who did ask you?"

As surprised by the question as by the fact that the intelligent and elegant William White had a date with Taylor, Louis told the truth "No one" he felt himself flush "I guess the men at this school were afraid to go with someone who doesn't dress appropriately"

There was a sudden gleam in those cool blue eyes "I wouldn't have been afraid" his voice sounded unusually warm and gentle.

His cheeks turned a deeper pink.  As impossible as it seemed, William was flirting with him.  Before he could recover himself enough to respond, Taylor sailed into the room in a cloud of perfume and washed silk.

"William!" she purred "I am so sorry to have kept you waiting.  I hope Louis made you feel at home"

William looked over at Taylor, but when he spoke all warmth and gentleness was gone "That's not the only thing you have to be sorry for" he said.

 

"Hey Lou, whatcha doing?" asked Niall as he met Louis walking back to his room after getting a few bottles of water from the vending machine down the corridor "Why aren't you dressed?"

"Not going" replied Louis smiling at the grinning boy "And your excuse?"

"Can't be doing with that crap" Niall grinned "Gonna go play Fifa until Liam calls to tell me to get out the room!"

"How is Liam now?" asked Louis, concerned that he still hadn't seen or heard from him since he'd left him that morning to go and do the best acting performance of his life. _  
_

"Absolutely buzzing!" Niall told him "That was so good of you to do that for him.  He was absolutely shitting himself that they wouldn't let him in, but that was really selfless of you"

"Well I wasn't going to let either of you go through that" Louis shrugged

"Me?  Nah mate, it was only about Liam who wouldn't get in.  I'm already safe" Niall assured him.

"What?"  Louis was confused

"What?" repeated Niall, looking equally confused "Was I not going to get pledged either?" he ran his fingers through his hair "Connor didn't mention that.  He just said he needed you to prove your loyalty to the Sigma's to get pledged and that Liam didn't have a hope if you didn't apologise - which you did, and he is one happy bunny!  Although..." he continued "I was really pissed off at what you had to do.  You had every right to have a go at his prick...shit sorry...I forgot you're dating him now right?"

"Who?"

"Matthew Spencer?  Louis?  Shouldn't you be more happy?  You passed yours and Liam's pledge task!"

"Pledge task?"

Niall's smile faltered "You didn't know it was for a pledge task?"

Louis' confused expression hardened "I think I need to speak to Liam" he said coldly "I think I have been misled somewhere"

"I said nothing" Niall said quickly "Shit.  I'm always putting my foot in it.  I'm gonna go away now.  You didn't see me!"

Louis thew the bottles of his water into his room and stalked back down the corridor.  He had the feeling he was going to feel incredibly angry, incredibly soon.  Where the fuck was Liam?

 

 

Stan was so happy he couldn't stop smiling.  He'd smiled all through the game this afternoon sitting on the bleachers with Ashton's arms around him, only half aware of what was happening on the field.  He'd smiled through the exquisite meal at Carlino's with Nick and Eleanor.  He'd smiled all the way back to campus in Ashton's new Range Rover, happy to discuss the play by play of football that he hadn't even been watching.  And now he was smiling as the four of them strolled though the warm night to the ball.

"Someone may have to punch me" he said with a laugh "This day has been so unbelievably great I feel like I'm dreaming"

"Me too" Nick said from behind him "However, I think the dream is about to turn into a nightmare"

Ashton, Stan and Eleanor all saw what he was talking about at the same time, and they all stopped suddenly.  Coming towards them in a direct line across their path was Louis, moving fast, looking furious and upset.

"Louis!" Stan called out

Louis came to a halt.  It was clear from the expression on his face that he hadn't seen them until this moment.  His eyes moved from Stan to Nick and then to Eleanor and Ashton.  They settled back on Stan as he forced something that looked like a smile onto his face.

For a second, Stan was afraid that none of them were going to be able to speak, that they were just going to stand there in awkward silence for the rest of their lives.  He tried desperately to think of something to say.  But what?   _We just had a wonderful dinner?  Don't you think Nick looks handsome in his new jacket?  Wow those shorts look amazing on you Louis?_  Besides him, the other guys cleared their throats, but no words came out.

It was Louis who finally thought of something to say "You look great Stan" he said quietly in a voice that was barely more than a whisper "Really great"

Stan smiled back "Thanks" he said "I....you...." he broke off unable to continue

Ashton came to his rescue "Why aren't you dressed up?" he said to Louis "Isn't Matthew taking you to the dance?"

Louis looked as though he'd punched him.  Without any answer he rushed away.

"Wow" Nick said as soon as Louis was out of earshot "That was unpleasant"

"Well it's over now" Eleanor said "Let's pretend that it didn't happen and go back to having a good time"

Stan pushed the memory of Louis' angry face from his mind "Eleanor's right" he said brightly "This is a perfect day.  Let's not let anything spoil it"

 

 

Louis found himself walking almost blindly towards his office.  He'd started out on a mission to find Liam and have it out with him.  And then, of course, he'd run into Stan and Nick.  He felt furious.  He didn't know what he was more angry about.  Seeing them all dressed up and happy, or discovering they thought he was actually dating Matthew Spencer!

But Louis was beyond caring.  He didn't want to go back to his room, he didn't want to go anywhere there were bright lights and people.  He wanted someplace he felt safe, where he could try and make sense of everything in his mind.  And that place was the office he shared with Harry.  Harry wouldn't be there.  He was probably at the dance with Zayn and a date.

 _Did he write the poem?_ he asked himself yet again  _Does he really think those things?_

He wouldn't be there anyway.  His thoughts trailed off as he stepped into the office.  A light was on over the desk in the corner and a figure was stooped over the desk.

Harry was there.  Of course he was.  And Louis was so glad that he was.  Because he had the overwhelming, desperate urge to run up to him, throw himself in his arms and stay there forever.

Once again, his mind returned to the poem.  The beautiful lines that made his eyes fill with tears.   _Was it you Harry?_ he needed to know.  He stepped silently towards him, unsure of what he was doing, carried by his heart.

Suddenly Harry turned around.  His eyes locked on Louis'.  He found himself frantically searching his face for the love and tenderness he so desperately needed right now.  The love and tenderness that he was feeling for Harry.

But it wasn't there.  He could see that immediately.  The hardness in his eyes made his entire body freeze.

Harry turned his eyes away from Louis' 'What the fuck are you doing here?" he asked coldly "shouldn't you be in a toliet with Matthew?"

He'd been wrong.  He wasn't safe here.  And he'd been wrong about the poem.  Harry hadn't written it.  No one could have written those things and be looking at him right now with such iciness, such detachment.  Why had he let himself believe it could have been him?  For the second time that night Louis turned and fled without a word.  He was halfway down the hall when he heard Harry running after him "Louis!" he shouted "Louis!  Wait!  I'm sorry!  Louis!"

 _Not as sorry as I am_ Louis thought desperately pumping his little legs to run faster.

He'd find no love there.  It was time to accept that.  He'd never get his love returned from Harry.  Ignoring his pleading shouts, Louis reached the front doors and hurled himself at them, into the black night.

_You'll never be sorry as I am._

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this was a bit long. Hope you like it :)
> 
> 10 kudos for the next chapter :)


	21. Chapter 21

"so today's the big day!" Zayn asked as he and Harry left their apartment block together and headed towards the campus.

Harry looked at his best mate, a puzzled expression on his face.  Harry had been so deep in his own thoughts that he had no idea what Zayn was talking about.

Zayn gave him a good natured but amused grin "the big story haz, the one you and Louis have been working on for weeks? Sports scandal rocks London University" he said in his best newscaster voice "star players implicated.  Coach Bass says he was just doing his job"

"okay, okay" Harry said laughing "got it.  And yes, today's the big day.  We launch the story this afternoon as a special after the regular news"

Zayn whistled "man, I tell you, I wouldn't want to be one of those super jocks for anything when this blows.  A few of those guys are going to regret the Christmas they got their first pair of high tops"

Harry shrugged "I don't think anything much is going to happen right away, to be honest.  There will be a lot of talk and rumour, but it'll take a while for the school to start an investigation and even longer for them to figure out the truth"

"Im still coming to watch you broadcast it, if it's ok" Zayn said and gave his friend a teasing smile "unless you and Louis want to be alone that is"

Zayn was good at several things, art, math, wrestling, fixing anything with a plug attached and making cheesecake - but the thing he had got incredibly good at lately was knowing when Harry was thinking about Louis.  It had to have become a sixth sense.  

After he'd rejected Louis the first time, it had taken him a few hours of growling about his inadequacy as a human being to Zayn as he quietly stopped Harry from ripping all his precious Louis photos off his wall and walk Harry over to Louis' building to apologise.

Louis had looked tired, but he'd accepted it, hugged him tightly and then went to pretending that nothing had happened.

It was the next day that Harry was introduced to a previously unseen side of the boy with some unexpected revelations.

They had been walking to lunch together when Louis who had been happily walking by his side suddenly spotted Liam and Niall sitting on the grass together and suddenly launched himself at Liam shouting "Payne you fucking prick!"

Harry had been quick to grab the furious boys arms and held a struggling Louis to his chest as he tried to kick out at Liam with his feet as he and Niall stood - Liam looking white and Niall just looking confused at the outburst.

"Get off me Harry!" Louis panted, but Harry held him strongly, not afraid to admit that he was finding the smaller boys strength quite arousing.  Damn this boy was deceptively strong!

"What the fuck Louis?" Demanded Niall standing in front of Liam and pushing him out of the way of his flailing feet 

"Tell him what you did!" shouted Louis red in the face "tell him the twisted lie you made up to make me do your pledge task!  I fucking defended you!  You made a fucking fool out of me in front of the whole school!"

Liam stuttered and stammered and eventually admitted what he'd told Louis the previous morning.

Harry was shocked.  He knew that Louis was loyal - he knew that from how he was still able to speak about his ex in a decent sort of way - but to go and apologise to someone he despised just to save someone else humiliation - someone who he thought was his friend and needed him.  He couldn't believe someone was capable of such devious betrayal.

Louis was still squirming against his hold, desperate to fully throw himself on the taller, more muscular boy, and was just about to let Louis go, so he could give Liam the punch he so rightly deserved.  But Niall surprised all of them and beat him to it.

"Disgusting!" He spat as Liam held his left cheek in shock "It's just a fraternity For fucks sake.  Get your priorities in check!"

"Niall, I'm so sorry!" Liam pleaded, realising how bad the lie looked on his roommate as well as him "I was desperate.  They weren't going to let me pledge...."

"So you thought you could manipulate someone else to get your own way?" asked Niall sarcastically, his usually happy face, uncharacteristically stormy "And you decided to bring me into it?"

He turned to Louis and Harry.

"I would just like to state, that there is no way I would ever let him..." he jerked a thumb in Liam's direction "..anywhere near my cock.  I may be gay but I don't go with randoms!"

"Niall I...." Liam was indeed close to tears

"Say you're sorry!" Niall snarled 

"Louis I'm so sorry"

Liam looked round at the three faces.  Niall could almost be accused of having smoke coming out of his ears.  Harry was glaring at him as well as having a hard time keeping Louis still, and Louis didn't look angry anymore.  He just looked hurt.  Hurt and exhausted.

"We're going to go" Harry said stiffly, speaking directly to Niall "Give me a call sometime mate.  We haven't hung out in a while"

Niall nodded, his face resuming his usual sunny character "Yeah sure mate.  There's a party tomorrow" he glanced over in Liam's direction "Strictly non Sigma's" he added for the boys benefit.

"Niall you are a Sigma" Harry reminded him dryly

Niall bit back a smile "Not for long if they're going to let trash in"

 

They quickly parted.  Niall dragging Liam off towards their dorm, obviously to give him a good earful about respect and decency.  Harry turned to get back on the path, still not letting go of Louis, who only slightly protested at being half carried, half dragged along.

"So yesterday when you..." Harry started as he manoeuvred Louis away.

"Don't" replied Louis bluntly, finding his feet on the ground as Harry finally let him go, but still letting Harry snake his arm around his waist and pull him into his side as they walked "I don't need to think about another failure of my judgement right now"

"Do you have a list of judgement failures?" asked Harry who could personally think of plenty of things that Louis had made wrong decisions about.  He wondered how their lists would match up.

"Where on earth would I start?" Louis quipped "Haz, I'm starving.  Can we go eat something.  I don't even care about the calories today" he looked troubled and stressed "Look, we need to talk, I want to talk about this for once.  But I can't do it when I'm hungry"

Harry nodded agreeably.  He racked his brains, trying to remember out of all his conversations what Louis considered to be the ultimate comfort food.  Before steering him off campus and towards where his car was parked.

Harry drove them to Pizza Cafe.  A very popular restaurant with students and made proper pizza with proper toppings.  Harry couldn't help but smile as he watched Louis devour a whole pizza to himself followed by a desert pizza filled with mascarpone cheese and chocolate sauce and still whine that he was hungry.

On the drive home, Harry reached out and put his hand on Louis' as they chatted about the party that they were both going to the next day "I'm really proud of you Lou" he stated giving him a little smile.

Louis stopped talking mid sentence about the pros and cons of beer vs shots.

"Why?" he asked astonished. 

Harry was quiet for a few seconds before lightly giving his hand a squeeze whilst saying "It's about time you stuck up for yourself.  Didn't know you had it in you"

"Well, I've put up with enough bullshit" Louis replied and moved his hand slightly so that their fingers were not interlaced "just wish I'd been the one to smack him one!"

"I wish I'd let you" grinned Harry, parking his car in the space next to his building "you're a little fireball once you get going.  I like that fire in you.  You should let it out more often"

Louis grinned happily, he was feeling rather content.  He was full of food for a change, he'd spoken his mind and he was with Harry who was still holding his hand, even after they had gotten out of the car.

"How long have we got till we broadcast?" he asked checking his watch "Do we still have time for a talk?"

Harry carefully considered things in his head.  They only had forty five minutes till they needed to be at the station in order to upload the broadcast.  And it was something he had wanted to specifically do himself because it was so important.  However.  Louis wanted to talk.  For the first time, Louis wanted to share with him, and no matter how important this broadcast could be for him and his career - it all meant nothing if he didn't have Louis to share it with.  He'd pushed Louis away enough times over stupid misunderstandings and communication errors.

"We have all the time in the world Lou" he said pulling Louis into his side as they walked towards the buildings entrance and tucking him under his arm where the smaller boy fitted so perfectly.  He took out his mobile and dialled the second number on his speed dial.

"Zayn?" he asked when it was answered "You're still going to the station right?  Good.  Listen closely.  I need you to do something for me"

 

Harry was still explaining to Zayn how to upload his and Louis' new special as he unlocked the door to his flat and ushered Louis inside pointing to the kitchen and making drinking mimes.

Louis shrugged off his jacket and wondered to the window, thinking how so much had changed since he had last been in this flat.  He smiled as he got to the wall of pictures.  He'd loved this wall from the moment he'd seen it.  It was just so Harry, all his likes and preferences were up on this wall.  One evening they would have to pull a chair up to it and Louis would make Harry tell him about each and every photograph - where it was taken, why it was taken, what it meant to Harry.  The same could be said for his tattoos.  There wasn't a single aspect of Harry that Louis didn't want to know about or explore.

But then he frowned a little, and walked a little closer.  There were new pictures.  New pictures of him.  On Harry's wall.  He was on Harry's wall of beautiful things that he loved.  Harry loved him.

Louis had honestly never been so touched.  His eyes skimmed over the photos, he could remember one or two of them being taken, but the rest had been taken without his knowledge.  And he loved it.  Absolutely loved it.  It was so personal and it filled him with so much joy and warmth that Harry liked the way he looked so much that he wanted to see it in print every day.

He felt arms circle him around his tummy from behind and curls tickling his cheek when Harry's chin rested on his shoulder.

"See something you like?" asked Harry huskily in his ear, and Louis was convinced that his heart was skipping beats.

"I'm on your wall" he breathed, and turned to face Harry bursting with pride.

Harry chuckled, trying to disguise how his breath was caught in his throat.  This was above and beyond his favourite side of Louis.  He still remembered the first time he'd seen it - only he had been with Nick then and Harry hadn't known his name.  He had pure sunshine in his apartment.  Bright eyes, wide smile, glowing little cheeks.

"How am I on your wall?" he asked not wanting to break the eye contact, knowing he had such a stupid expression on his face 

"What do I put on my wall?" he asked Louis teasingly, remembering the chat they'd had about the topic.

Louis visibly blushed "Things you find beautiful and you love"

Harry nodded happily "Exactly, now, feet"

Louis giggled and moved slightly, placing his socked feet on top of Harry's who pulled him right into his chest, and then proceeded to shuffle them both into the kitchen and over to the counter where the kettle had been boiling to make them tea.  It felt such a natural activity for the two of them to be doing, that they almost forgot they had never done it before, just as it felt natural to grab the fleece blanket from Harry's bedroom and ignore the settee, choosing instead to squeeze into the reclining armchair instead.

"I have changed so much since I've been here" admitted Louis giving an embarrassed grimace.

"How so?"  the recliner was pushed back the full way and both boys were laying down facing each other, without thinking, Harry reached out and automatically pushed his fringe out of his eyes.

Louis let out a little snort.

"I thought that Nick was going to be the man I was with for the rest of my life" he started "I thought Stan was the best, most loyal and faithful friend in the whole world"

Under the covers he searched for Harry's hand and interlaced their fingers again.

"I thought it was my fault" he continued, and moved the blanket down so he could watch how Harry's thumb was stroking his hand as he held it "And in a way it was my fault because I let it happen.  I let myself sit back and take everything they threw at me.  I wouldn't have stood for that shit back in Donny!  I wouldn't have noticed Nick being so busy and ignoring me because I would have been busy with my other friends. I would have gladly told Stan to fuck off to Zayn's if I hadn't been so worried about being left on my own with no one to talk to.  I wouldn't have cared about Nick with that slut Eleanor because I would have dumped his sorry ass long ago and hooked up with someone else"

He took a deep breath.

"But now I've thought about it.  Stan didn't want to be the unpopular side kick anymore.  It's not his fault.  It's not my fault either.  I was louder back home.  I was always centre of attention, and I didn't realise how much he hated it"  Louis confessed quietly tightening his grip on Harry's hand and moving one of his feet to tangle around Harry's leg "I don't blame him for leaving me and finding new friends"

He fell silent.  Harry had listened intently and, not wanting to remove his hand from Louis' lent forward and nosed at his chin, to lift it upwards.

"I like the thought of you in the spotlight" he told him carefully, loving how close he was to that beautiful face "I like it when you stand up for yourself.  I liked having to hold you back from punching Liam.  I love it when you make everyone around you laugh uncontrollably because you're telling jokes and being silly.  I'm so proud of you for all the work you put into the story, even though you had a conflicted interest.  I'm proud of how you care about truth and justice over your own feelings"

Harry untangled their hands, so he could stroke Louis' cheek.  His skin was soft, even though he could feel the smallest hint of stubble forming under the skin.

"I wouldn't change it though" Louis added thoughtfully "Nick breaking my heart, Stan questioning my personality, Taylor being a bitch of a roommate, Liam giving me deep and complex trust issues - and images in my head that would take amnesia to get rid of them!" he laughed quietly and moved closer to Harry "If I hadn't have gone through all of that, then I wouldn't be here with you now"

Harry was almost touching Louis' nose with his own.

"And that makes it all worth it?" he asked huskily breaking eye contact to look at Louis' beautiful mouth, just inches away from his own "You would go through all that shit again, if you knew that it would end up with you being in my little flat, squashed on my reclining chair with me - your quiet, bookish, stroppy, technical trainer who is better friends with his laptop than people?"

"I'm Louis" Louis breathed, blue eyes flicking between green eyes and pink lips "I let people walk over me, I make bad choices and sometimes I wait too long to do the things I'm scared of doing"

"Hi Louis" murmured Harry, wrapping his arms around Louis, and bringing one hand up to the back of his neck, playing with his hair "I'm Harry...and...I'm...."

The words melted in his mouth before he had a chance to say them aloud.  Louis had closed his eyes, and brought his face just one inch closer to Harry's, pressing his lips against Harry's.  They were soft.  Even softer than he'd imagined.  And so gentle, even as Harry tightened his grip on Louis' waist and drew him so close that they were pinned to each other from their chests down to their toes.

Louis subtly licked across Harry's bottom lip and Harry didn't hesitate to open his mouth to deepen the kiss and to make his tongue caress Louis' flooding his senses, pouring months of what he thought had been unrequited love and passion into the one moment he had been hoping and dreaming about.  

Harry moaned softly into his mouth as he felt Louis' fingers gently tug on his curls as he ran his fingers through his hair, hitching his leg around his waist, trying to get closer.  Kissing Louis was like tasting early morning sunshine, it flooded his flesh and bones with warmth, gently caressed his soul and made every nerve in his body sing like the dawn chorus and something he wanted to revisit every morning of every day of his life.

"Be mine Harry?" Louis murmured, breaking away for only a few seconds, trembling from head to toe under Harry's loving fingertips 

Harry whimpered at the loss of Louis' lips on his and quickly reattached them, rolling on top of Louis in one swift movement "I've always been yours" he breathed through feather light kisses over his cheeks, along his jaw and starting to kiss gently down his neck "I was just waiting for you to realise"

 


	22. Chapter 22

Hiya, this isn't a chapter.  This is just to say that I have heavily updated the previous chapter, so if you have missed it, you might like to go back and re-read it.  I hope you like it.

Also I am here asking for help.  I have taken some comments very seriously and have edited quite a few chapters.  However, I find myself stuck.  I was working on a couple of story lines which I am both finding difficult to edit out of my story and yet unsure if I should continue.  On one hand, I personally think it's heading somewhere good, but also I don't want to alienate the few readers that I have by continuing.  

One of the story lines which I was enjoying creating, is quite a slow burner involving William, Taylor and later involving Harry (Don't worry - it's not an intention of mine to get the two of them together)

My problem is, I don't know if I should continue with this or not and this is something I've been obsessing over for the last day and a half whilst trying to cut and rewrite.

I can however promise that I'm going to be kinder to Louis and give Nick, Stan and Taylor what they have coming to them.  I can also promise that Louis is no longer going to be a pushover.

So, if you would like to make a suggestion please help me out and have your say.  I would love to keep writing, but I am incredibly nervous about how its going to be received, so help and guidance would be appreciated.  

Thank you very much for your comments and kudos so far, and I hope you find what I have done more to your satisfaction :):):):) xx

 


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wanted to say thank you so much for the overwhelming response to my last plea. You all are amazing and made me feel a lot better. Much love xxxx

Harry woke up not daring to open his eyes in case all he was remembering had been a dream.  But as he reluctantly got pulled out of the hazy mist into reality, the warm body in his arms didn't evaporate into thin air like every other morning and very cautiously he plucked up the courage to open his eyes.

Tanned skin was the first thing that came into focus, beautiful soft tanned skin and caramel feathered hair, he smiled lazily puckering his still kiss swollen lips to lightly kiss the back of his boyfriends neck as he lay sleeping in his arms.  Who knew that reality could be better than any dream he had ever had?

He felt his fingers being squeezed, subtly, clumsily, lazily as though slightly stirring in his sleep, and took the opportunity to bury his face in his boyfriends neck, breathing in the sweet, intoxicating scent that was Louis.  It was in his hair, his skin, his clothes and smothered Harry's senses until he could barely remember his own name or where he was.  All he could think about was Louis.  His beautiful boyfriend Louis.  He hadn't even realised he'd begun to kiss him again.  Softly, gently, soothingly, lovingly until he felt his hand being squeezed tighter and heard a low muffled whine from the depths of Louis' throat.

"Wake up baby"  Harry murmured "I miss you"

He could feel Louis smiling even though he couldn't see his face.  It made him smile.

 

Rolling over, Louis came face to face with dazzling jade eyes, it perfectly bookended his night of sleep, being that those eyes had been the last image he'd seen before he'd fallen asleep, his lips pressed against Harry's after hours of perfect first kisses.

Kissing Harry had been, most definitely, the biggest chance he'd ever taken and the most perfect decision he'd ever made.  It had taken so much courage, he'd exposed his soul, admitting his mistakes and regrets, and not only had Harry patiently sat and listened, holding his hand and stroking his hair, but he'd reassured him and when Louis had taken that last leap of faith and pressed his lips against his, Harry had kissed him back with more passion and urgency than he could have ever imagined.

And now it was perfect.  Two hearts had combined to make one, two souls had stopped protesting and fighting their common sense and become whole.  He was Harry's and Harry was his.  Louis couldn't be happier.

When he had been with Nick he had believed that he'd been in love because that was all he had ever known and ever felt...but after last night, and how he felt right now.  He knew he had been wrong.  He had to have been wrong, because this felt so much bigger, so much safer, warmer, clearer.  Harry felt real.  He gave Louis butterflies in his tummy, he made stars burst in technicolor behind his eyes and just by one simple, clean, loving graze of his lips to the back of his neck made his whole nervous system tremble with thousands of volts of electricity.  He'd never had that with Nick.

 

"There he is" murmured Harry sleepily smiling at him, as his eyes locked on Louis' cobalt ones "There's my sunshine"

He didn't even have to lean forward.  Harry just kissed and Louis' lips were there to receive it.

"I love you" Louis breathed into his open mouth, closing the millimetre gap left between them, and repeating the words that they'd said back and forth all of last night between kisses and cuddles.

"I love Lou" Harry murmured back trailing his fingers down Louis' shoulder blades and settling on his hips "You're not close enough baby" he complained, rolling Louis onto his back and sliding swiftly on top of him, resting all of his weight onto the younger boy and beginning to suck gently on the sensitive piece of skin below his ear "You don't have classes today do you?"

"Not anymore" hissed Louis, arching his back and gripping his fingers into Harry's firm bum cheeks, making Harry moan and assault his mouth fiercely "I want to stay here with you all day"

Harry watched Louis' eyes roll to the back of his head as he pinched one of his nipples with dark lustful eyes.

"Whatever my baby wants" he promised resuming where he'd left off.

 

 

 

 

 

 


	24. Chapter 24

"Are you sure you want to go?" pressed Harry for what seemed like the tenth time in half an hour"We could always stay in, get take out and watch a film if you preferred?"

"Hazza, I want to go!" Louis insisted, checking to make sure that his quiff hadn't wilted since he'd styled it "We've stayed in for the last three nights.  Not that I've minded" he added quickly seeing Harry's face fall slightly, and stood on his tiptoes, to dot a little kiss on his nose "But I've missed going out, and we've already told Zayn we'll go with him.  It'll be fun!"

Harry was in no doubt that the party at Xaviar would be fun.  It had been a long time since he'd entertained going to one of their events, but Niall had invited Louis, Louis had mentioned it to Zayn over breakfast and before he knew what was happening, it was arranged for everyone to meet at Harry's so they could all go together.

The problem was that he was worried about his boyfriend.  

Xaviar house was the athletics fraternity and it was obvious that both Nick and Stan would be attending.

Even though Louis had made it perfectly clear to Harry over the past few days, that he no longer cared about either one of them, Harry didn't want to put him under the pressure of unhappy memories and possible unresolved issues by coming face to face with them.

He was also concerned about any return of good memories.

After all.  He had seen how happy Nick used to make Louis first hand, and he'd heard from Nick's very own drunk, disgusting mouth what they'd got up to when they were alone, and it scared the crap out of him.

What if he wasn't good enough for Louis?  What if Nick had pleased him more?  

From what Nick had told him, he had been more than capable of tending to Louis' needs, exploring further than Harry had ever even thought about.  Louis hadn't even initiated anything sexual with him.  

Was there something wrong with Harry?  

He couldn't seem to get his head around why someone with so much sexual experience wouldn't even grind up against him, at all, even when Harry was making him whine and gasp just by kissing him.

Of course, he hadn't initiated anything either, but that was only because he didn't want to scare him off by being over eager.  

"Are you okay Haz?"

A small hand waved in front of Harry's face, interrupting his self confessed paranoid thoughts, and blinked to see Louis staring at him, along with Niall and Zayn who had at some point arrived.

Harry pasted a big smile on his face.  If this was something that was going to make Louis happy then he would put his all into having a good time.  He smiled when he saw the concerned expression melt off Louis' face and reached to take up his hand.  He shouldn't be worrying, or jealous.  Louis was his boyfriend now.  He was smiling at him and holding his hand.  Everything was going to be fine.      

 

 

"Shot!" whooped Niall a couple of hours later, standing by the make shift bar in the main hall and gulping down the clear liquid with gusto, laughing at the face Louis made as he set down his shot glass with a loud smack after drinking.

"Shit Tommo!  You can't half drink your body weight in liquor!"

"I'm pretty sure that was paint stripper!" Louis slurred slightly, but didn't hesitate to pour them both another drink and knock it back.  

So far he was having a great night.  The music was awesome, Niall was a great ball of Irish shaped fun, and despite his earlier reservations, Zayn was (deceptively) really cool and funny to hang out with.

To Louis it was just like a night out in Donny, where Niall was a much better substitute for Stan, and Harry...well Harry didn't even compare to Nick.

Craning his neck, Louis tried to see where his Harry had gone.  

At the start of the evening, Harry had been reluctant to let go of Louis, either by holding his hand tightly, or stood with his arm wrapped around his shoulders, pinning him to his side.  But as the evening wore on, and he saw how happy and excited Louis was, he'd loosened his grip and let Niall drag him off without a word.

"I want kisses" he said suddenly aloud, thinking of how good Harry was at kissing him, and how he wanted to suck that amazing bottom lip into his mouth and nibble on it whilst running his hands over those hard, strong, heavenly muscles.

"That's fine with me bub, but I don't think Harry would like that!" cackled Niall flinging an arm around his neck and making kissy faces.

Louis burst into uncontrollable drunken laughter, almost bending over double.

"I meant Harry you dick!" he spluttered, steadying himself on Niall's rather unstable shoulder "Now where is my Hazza!"  

Niall unceremoniously grabbed hold of his hand, and with the bottle of white rum in the other, dragged Louis through the crowd to where Zayn and Harry were casually leaning against the wall, sipping beer and chatting with Ashton who had his arms wrapped around a smitten looking Stan.

"Behold!" Niall presented "Your boyfriend!"

Louis didn't even see Stan, or Ashton, or even Zayn.  All he saw were dark curls, green eyes, dimples, and the fittest body he had ever had the pleasure of touching.  Alcohol running deliciously through his blood stream, with a small sound of longing, Louis launched himself into the taller boys arms, pulling Harry's face down towards him to furiously attack his gorgeous mouth, quickly slipping his tongue into Harry's mouth and grabbing at his bum, wishing that Harry would reciprocate.

"Fuck!  If i'd have known it was a kiss like that, I wouldn't have protested!" laughed Niall, smacking Zayn on the back for no reason except "the craic!"

Louis stepped backwards, slightly wobbly on his feet and smirked, seeing Harry just as he'd imagined.  Flushed face, disheveled hair from where he'd been tugging on it, pupils blown with lust and looking understandably stunned at the sudden display of affection. Shaking his head as though to clear it, Harry grinned somewhat bashfully, and reached out his arms.  Louis happily tumbled into them, squealing a little bit as Harry twisted him around and pulled him back towards his chest for a cuddle.

"Open up Tommo!" Niall insisted and shoved the neck of the bottle into his mouth before pouring a generous mouthful into it.

"Go easy Niallar" Zayn cautioned "Or you're going to be the one taking care of him later"

"More than happy to" Niall retorted, good natured as always.  He reached forward and tickled his sides, making Louis giggle and squirm, and Harry laughed as he held up Louis' arms to give Niall better access to his stomach and all his ticklish spots.

"Enough!" gasped Louis, panting, stomach aching from laughing so hard he was almost crying.

'Stan!" he suddenly shouted, seeing him standing in front of him for the first time.  His eyesight was slightly blurred, and his brain was dizzy and fluffy, but he could see Stan standing in front of him, smiling.  Stan was smiling at him. 

Out of nowhere his ears pricked up.  There was something familiar about the song that had just started.  He frowned, trying to recall why he knew it so well.  But before he could even think properly, Stan was hopping in front of him in great excitement and was dragging him away from Harry into the centre of the dance floor.  Then it hit him.  This was their song! Throwing his arms around an excited Stan in celebration, memories came flooding into his mind, happy amazing memories of him and his best friend in the world, drinking, dancing, laughing.  Life was perfect again.    

Harry stood and watched in upmost amazement as Louis and Stan jumped around madly on the dance floor.  It was like watching energy in its purest form and surprisingly hot.  

Of course that could be because Louis had suddenly started to twerk with the upmost enthusiasm and Stan was pretending to spank his arse.  Harry's eyes widened. 

Watching Louis was hypnotic, the way his hips were swinging, how tight his jeans were across his perfectly round cheeks.  Harry just wanted to sink his teeth into them and mark him like a predator!

"You're drooling mate"  Zayn was smirking at him "And you're not the only one!"

Harry bit his lip, smirking to himself as Louis and Stan were joined by Niall, laughing as they tried to teach blondie how to twerk.

"huh, what?"  Zayn's words had finally penetrated his thoughts.  Penetrated.  He could think of one particular thing he wanted to use in relation to that word!

"Over there" Zayn subtly pointed over to the other side of the room, and Harry could feel his eyes narrow protectively before he'd even followed his gaze.

Grimshaw.  Nick fucking Grimshaw.  Mouth slightly open, expression glazed.  Staring at Louis like he was staring at salvation.  

Harry's eyes narrowed to slits as he felt jealousy engulf him.  He wanted to charge over there and rip his eyeballs out.  He'd had his chance with Louis, he'd blown it.  Now he could get over it and pay attention to his stupid, slutty girlfriend who was grinding on him.  The girlfriend who Nick wasn't paying any attention to.

"Cool it" Zayn murmured, putting a gentle hand on his arm as he felt his fists clench at his sides "He's not going to do anything, and Louis is with you"

Harry scuffed his boot against the floor, suddenly fretful.  

Louis was already back with Stan, he lifted his head to watch as the three boys were still jumping about and laughing, Louis' arm was slung over Stan's shoulders and they were singing incredibly loudly.  

He took a deep breath and tried to swallow the disgusting lump of jealousy that was rising like bile in his throat.  Everything was all right.  He had nothing to worry about.  Louis was with him.  Louis loved him.  Louis and Nick were over, and Louis had chosen him.  Fuck.  Why was he feeling so jealous?

Oh.  That was why.  

He didn't need to feel Zayn's hand on his arm squeeze tighter, firmly reminded him to not move.  

Instead he watched as Nick approached an unaware intoxicated Louis from the left.

"Don't move" Zayn told him "Just be cool.  Don't react"

"Why does it fucking matter if I react or not?" growled Harry glaring, his eyes fixed upon Nick.

"Because if he sees that you're reacting to this, then he's going to try harder to get Louis' attention.  Don't do anything rash"

"If he lays one finger on Louis I'm gonna loose it" threatened Harry, seething from inside out and taking all the effort he held inside him to not go storming over to his boyfriend and carry him out of there.

"Why does my boyfriend have to be so hot!" he groaned leaning his head back against the wall in frustration.  Nick was circling Louis now, like some kind of correctly styled shark.

"Lou's not paying a blind bit of notice" Zayn commentated "He's attempting to give Niall a piggy back. Ha! Harry you've got to look at this it's too funny!"

Harry looked up, his frown turning into a burst of laughter as he watched Niall and Louis staggering around, Niall waving his shirt in the air and Stan trying to get out of their way, before Louis' little legs gave way and they collapsed on the ground in a heap, laughing until tears came to their eyes.

Harry shook his head, and pushing himself away from the wall lazily to go and help his beautiful little mess up, maybe Louis was ready for a cuddle and a sit down in a quiet corner to he could kiss that beautiful face of his. 

"What you doing down there baby?" he asked crouching down at Louis' eye level.  Louis' eyes were completely dilated and although it took him a couple of seconds for him to focus properly, his whole face lit up as he beamed at Harry, holding his arms out to him like a child wanting to be picked up.

"I...can't...get up!" he said seriously, nodding at Stan and Niall who were sitting on the ground watching everyone move around them "Harry?" he whispered "I think they are drunk!"  his whole face contorted to an expression of amusement.

"Come on baby, let's get you home" Harry opened his arms once more and helped Louis to his feet, wrapping his arms around him and pressing kisses into his still soft hair.

Feeling eyes on him, Harry looked up, searching for Zayn, but instead picked up the icy glare that Nick was giving him, the exact image of the expression he'd held on his own face only minutes before.  

Narrowed eyes, clenched teeth, balled fists. 

Louis had somehow undone his red checkered shirt, exposing his taunt stomach and firm tattooed chest to the room, and was now snuggling against it, rubbing his cheek sweetly against his smooth skin.  Harry lovingly nuzzled his nose into his hair and felt like he could suddenly breathe again.  

He could feel Louis' little hands running up and down the bare skin on his back underneath his shirt, making his skin tingle.  A wave of confidence and strength coursed through him.  

In this situation, Harry did the only thing that would be socially acceptable right now.

He lifted his head, locked eye contact with Nick Grimshaw, gave Louis a tight squeeze in his arms and then gave him the biggest shit eating grin he could muster, and just when he thought that Nick's head was going to explode from jealousy - winked!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By the way, the song in my head that was stan and louis' is Timber by pitbull and ke$ha :) would love to see louis twerk to that!


	25. Chapter 25

"Fuck!" groaned Harry as fingers dug into his shoulders and two legs tightened around his hips "Stop moving fatty!  You're going to push me over!"

"How dare you talk about your significant other like that!" Louis snapped, outraged.  But then he burst into raucous laughter and ran back across the street to where Harry was trying to carry a very intoxicated Niall on his back.

"I'm meant to be carrying you" he grumbled straightening up slightly and getting a firmer grip on Niall's thighs, that had been slipping further and further  down his back - seriously endangering the placement of his low slung jeans.

"I'm not drunk enough though" Louis teased, attempting and failing to demonstrate walking along the curb in a straight line, promptly falling straight on his arse.

"Ow!" he exclaimed, eyes wide open in complete astonishment.

"Get up you prick.  It's not like you don't carry around your own personal cushion around with you" 

"You're just jealous that you don't have my booty!" retorted Louis, glaring at Stan for calling him a prick, but couldn't hold the expression for long and stayed sat down in the middle of the pavement, kicking his feet playfully "Come and sit with me Stanley and I'll drive us home!"

"Oh gawd!" breathed Harry "Niall" he said jiggling the boys legs "Get down mate, Louis needs to be carried more than you do"

But all he got out of Niall was a loud snore in his left ear.

"Zayn!" Harry shouted in frustration "Stop filming this and go help him!"

Zayn who had been following, dutifully capturing future blackmail possibilities, snorted "No way Haz, this stuff is gold"

 

The journey between Xaviar House and Harry's flat only took about ten minutes to walk, but so far was gaining on forty.  Highlights included Louis meeting his "identical twin" in the glass window of the coffee house, Stan encouraging Niall to try and do a double bodied cartwheel with him, and Louis trying to pick up a wandering pigeon who he'd happily insisted was his pet and was called Kevin.

 

"Zayn!"

 

"Alright, alright" Zayn smirked, sticking his phone back in his pocket "Give me blondie" he decided after looking between the sleeping boy or two energetic creatures who were making car noises.

Once again, Harry found himself crouching down next to Louis "Come on baby" he coaxed, heaving Louis in his arms "Time to stop driving"

Louis thankfully didn't complain and with minimal effort the four managed to get to Harry's flat.

"Are you hungry?" Harry asked Louis who was starting to look very bleary eyed and tired "Or do you want to go straight to bed?"

"Can't go bed yet" Stan piped up from where he and - a suddenly awake - Niall were raiding the cupboards for food "We haven't wanked yet!"

Zayn groaned "Do i really want to ask?" as Louis burst out laughing and pushed past Harry to throw himself down on the sofa and shoving a hand down his trousers.

"What the fuck!" exclaimed Harry, eyes popping out of his head.

"Wanking competition!" explained Stan gleefully "He who comes first loses!"

"Over my dead body!" growled Harry diving forward and throwing a giggling Louis over his shoulder "There is no way on earth you're gonna do that"

"Someone kill me" groaned Zayn, head in hands.

 

 

"You are such a little exhibitionist" Harry teased, dropping Louis gently onto his bed, happily kneeing between his legs and dropping kisses all over his face "You had fun tonight didn't you?" he asked, leaning back, taking in Louis' happy crinkled eyes, flushed cheeks and beaming smile, which was now looking slightly sleepy.

"Kiss me" he said plaintively, reaching out and grabbing the collar of Harry's shirt, pulling him on top "I miss you"

Harry happily obliged, but recognising the way that louis could barely prop himself up or open his eyes as impending sleep, Harry carefully backed off his pliant , soft body and started to gently undress him.

"are we having sex Haz?" Asked louis, voice thick with sleep and alcohol.

Harry chuckled picking up the now half naked boy and tucking him underneath the thick duvet before quickly undressing and sliding under as well, rolling louis onto his side before pulling his back against his bare chest, wrapping his arms around his gorgeous chest.

"Not tonight baby" he whispered "I want you to remember our first time"

"you'll be gentle with me won't you?" Louis sounded slightly fearful in the darkness, making Harry wonder exactly how rough nick had been with him before.

"I promise to take complete care of you" he whispered back "I'm going to make you feel so good Lou"

Louis sighed contentedly "I know you will Haz" he murmured "I just heard that it's always painful the first time. But it will be worth it as long as my first time is with you"

First time? What?

"Didnt you have your first time with Nick baby?" He asked confused, hating every aspect of the sentence he'd just uttered.

Harry wasn't sure if Louis realised he was speaking out loud.  He was speaking quietly, mumbling into his pillow, making Harry have to strain  his ears to hear him.

"He never touched me. He didnt want me because I wasn't ready"

Warmth generated in Harry's heart and bled into his soul, a smile stretching almost inhuman across his face, making his cheeks hurt.

it was all lies.  Everything Nick had told him had been a lie.  He should have known.

"Are we talking full sex or did he ever play with you?" He couldn't help but ask.

"Never. No one has seen my dick. But I want you to Harry.  I want you to do everything to it"

Harry could feel himself quivering with excitement and pleasure letting everything he had ever dreamt about doing this boy cascade through his mind, roaring in his ears, making his cock leak.  He thought he had been gone for this boy before, but knowing how much Louis must trust him to even think these things must mean that he was just as gone for Harry too.

warm with these thoughts, Harry stroked Louis' tummy with the tips of his fingers until his breathing fell evenly and he finally fell asleep.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a bit nervous about this chapter, so 15 kudos for the next chapter would be appreciated :)


	26. Chapter 26

Harry awoke the next morning, surrounded in a delicious golden glow from the night before.  Louis' drunken whispered words were still weaving through his mind like silken ribbons caressing his heart.  Louis was softly snoring next to him, sprawled out and hugging his pillow.  He looked so adorable.  Well actually he looked like a right little scruff - but somehow Louis just managed to make it look cute.  Harry just wanted to cover every inch of his face with kisses.

Carefully, he rolled silently off the bed, tucked the duvet over Louis' naked shoulders and snuck out of the bedroom.  Louis was more than likely to be knocked out for a few more hours and would no doubt be thirsty and hungry when he woke up.  What would make him a better boyfriend than for him to go and get freshly made hang over sustenance?  So, humming happily, Harry dressed quickly and snuck out of the house, tip toeing past a snoring Niall and making a beeline for the supermarket.

 

 

Nick had never been more furious in his life.  He could actually see red.  Blood red.  Nick wanted to see blood.  He wanted to see it spewing out of Harry Style's mouth after he'd punched him!  How dare he put his revolting hands all over his Louis!  And then there was that little rat!  Wouldn't fuck him but more than happy to let the scruffy, boring, reporter screw him!  Styles wasn't popular!  Styles wasn't famous within his circle!  Styles was nothing!

Fair enough, Harry hadn't exactly bothered him much.  Nick could admit that he hadn't given him a single thought.  

But last night.  

It brought back so many memories, seeing Louis looking all excited, and happy, and sexy, and drunk, and fuckable, and twerking, and gorgeous.  Fuck, it brought back every single memory and reason to why he had first been attracted to him.  Every single disgustingly sweet and adorable reason just came flooding back to him as he watched him dance and jump about with Stan.  How was it possible that once upon a time he would have been dancing with them.  He would have wrapped his arms tightly around Louis, grinded against him until he whimpered and whined and grasped at his arms, he would have sucked dark purple bruises on his neck.  He would have been the one who he'd sleepily smiled at and got cuddled into and kissed and held and loved.

It hit him like a truck.  Louis had loved him.  Louis Tomlinson had actually loved him.  And he had thrown him away, because Louis had wanted to wait.

Nick almost punched the wall out of frustration.  Why hadn't he waited?  Why hadn't he realised then how important Louis was to him?  Why did he have to realise the moment he saw him snuggled up in Harry Styles' arms?  Why did Harry have to provoke him by grinning at him with that territorial smirk, and that fucking wink.  Who the hell did he think he was?  

Harry is just a distraction. 

Nick tried his best to comfort himself.  Louis just needed someone to cry on after they'd broken up and it just happened to be Harry.  But Harry didn't have the history with him like Nick did.  Harry didn't know how to make him giggle and curl up in a little ball.  Harry didn't know (or he hoped he didn't know) where Louis liked to be kissed best, that exact spot where when it was touched in the right way would turn him into a beautiful, pliant little ball of goo and would just wimper and shake underneath him.  Nick's mind was practically exploding.  What if he knew?

Nick strode across campus, heading towards Heversham Hall.  He had to find Louis and tell him how much he wanted him back.  Screw Eleanor (who he'd abandoned at the party in favour of following Louis, Stan, Harry and his friends back to some apartment block, hiding in the shadows, watching with tear filled eyes as Harry had picked Louis off the ground and cradled him in his arms like a little koala bear)

Out of breath he stopped as movement distracted him from his train of thought.  There, walking casually along, with that horrible smug smile plastered on his face was Harry.  Nick glared.  He looked so happy, carefree, smug, disgustingly happy.  Every inch of a man who had quite obviously got laid last night!

Red flooded Nick's vision.  Blood red.  Harry's blood.

"Styles!" he yelled out 

 

 

Harry turned around, surprised at the shout.  He'd been deep in thought trying to decide what he would make Louis for breakfast - or lunch by the time he came to.  He wondered if flowers would be a little too much.  But he was feeling romantic, and Louis deserved flowers.  

But a loud shout had disturbed him.

Turning in the direction of the voice, he looked surprised at first, but then he felt his lips twist into a grimace as Nick came striding towards him.  

"What do you want Grimshaw?" he asked, straightening up and squaring his shoulders 

"I want you to leave Louis alone" spat out Nick, getting right into his personal space "You're taking advantage of him.  Stay away from him"

Harry couldn't help himself.  He laughed.  Hard.

"Yeah, alright Grimmy.  I'll go and tell my boyfriend that I can't see him anymore because you told me not to" he smirked.  He was an idiot if he really expected him to do any of what he'd just said.

"You really are a stupid prick aren't you?" Nick was sneering at him "Louis is still into me.  And we both know it"

Harry blinked.

"I don't think so" he replied carefully "Now if you don't mind.  I am on my way to get my gorgeous, delightful boyfriend some breakfast.  So if you would just kindly back off.  I can get back to him"  he turned to walk away, but a hand was gripping his shoulder, forcing him to turn around "Get your hand off me"  Harry growled, eyes narrowing, hackles rising.

"I'm not finished with you Styles" Nick snarled in his ear "You need to listen to me and listen to me good.  You are going to stay away from Louis.  He's not yours and he never was"

Harry licked his lip and tilted his head, gracing Nick with a sly smile "If Louis is still into you, and he loves you, and he's not mine" he paused for effect and allowed himself a smug smile "Then why is Louis naked in my bed right now?"

Nick's face was getting redder and redder, his grip on Harry's shoulder tightened, eyes half closing into dangerous slits.  

"You fucked Louis?" he hissed.  He was trembling.  Harry could feel it through his fingers.

"Take your jealousy elsewhere Grimshaw!"

Nick loosened his grip on Harry, and let his arm fall helplessly to his side.

"There's a good boy" Harry mocked, making a show of brushing the fabric of his jacket where Nick had been holding him "Now scurry on home and shag your girlfriends ass whilst wishing it was Lou's!"

Smirking he turned and walked away.  How on earth had Louis put up with that prick for so long?  He couldn't even stomach him for a minute!

He didn't know what was happening until he felt the sharp, sudden impact of a boot kicking him hard in the back of the knee, making him crumple to the floor.

"You think you can just take my boyfriend away from me?" he heard Nick scream before he felt a strong kick to his stomach.

Harry gasped in pain, trying to get up, but a kick to his groin made him immobile.

"Stay away from him!"

A punch to the face.  

"He loves me!"

Another punch to the face.  His lip had burst.  He could taste the blood.  It was mixing stickily with the blood trickling down from his nose.

"He doesn't love you" Harry managed to choke out, opening his eyes and looking defiantly up at Nick who was holding him by the neck of his t-shirt, fist hovering close to his face.

"You can kick the shit out of me all you want.  But Louis will never love you again.  Not after what you did to him.  You broke his heart"

"Stop it!"

"You blew it Nick.  You'll never be able to fix what you broke!"

Nick's voice was high pitched and shrill "Shut the fuck up!"

Harry let out a yell as Nick lifted his head off the ground and smashed it back against the concrete path.  His arms flailed, trying to hit at Nick, but missing, legs only limply being able to move.  Harry could feel his vision clouding, the pain, the nausea, the smell and taste of metallic fighting to take over.

"Give...it...up...Grims...haw" he breathed, trying to fight his eyes from closing "I....love...Lou" he swallowed painfully, wanting to cough, head swimming, nothing was in focus "and...Lou...loves....."

Harry didn't get to finish his sentence.  With a furious, jealous yell, Nick grabbed his hair and slammed it against the path one more time.  Harry's eyes rolled to the back of his head, the small defiant smile never leaving his lips as the clouds gathered and he lost all consciousness.    

The pain lessened, the warm glow returned to his bones and heart, as golden silken ribbons swirled around his soul, Louis whispering words of comfort to him, Louis smiling at him, Louis loving him.

Harry loved Louis.

 

Nick watched Harry for a moment.  A wild animal look in his eyes.  He smiled when he saw the blood on his hands.  Smirking with triumph, he pulled Harry's phone out of his pocket and used it to take a quick picture.  Bruises were already starting to bloom on his pale skin, under the blood that was smeared across his nose, and mouth, trickling down from the cut to his temple.  Now this was beautiful.  Louis should see just how beautiful his "boyfriend" really was.

With shaking hands, he text Louis the picture, then slid the phone back into Harry's pocket, shoved his red stained hands into his own and slunk away back to his dorm.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 15 kudos for the next chapter :)


	27. Chapter 27

Zayn carefully let himself into Harry's apartment, expecting to walk into some type of war-zone from the night before.

"Zayn!" Sang out Niall from where he was sprawled over the settee "Did you bring food? We're starving!"

Zayn couldn't help but flinch at the loud, enthusiastic tone, it was really too early for that.

Rolling his eyes at Niall, he walked over to the settee to where Louis was hunched in a little ball, nursing a tall glass of water.

"You alright mate?" He asked, eyeing his sweaty fringe, pale face and slightly bloodshot eyes "shouldn't you be hanging over a toilet right about now?"

"Oh we've done that already" Niall cheerfully replied for Louis "think we're over the worst of it now"

He gave Louis an ill advised poke in the ribs, making the boy flinch and glare murderously at the ball of summer bouncing next to him.

"Harry's gone to get you breakfast" Zayn told Louis, sinking down into the soft cushions beside him "think you might want a shower before he comes back?"

That earned Zayn a glare.

"I said that" Niall was pretty much sitting on Louis' lap in order to talk to Zayn "But he wouldn't let me help, so he refused to take one"

"You are not taking a shower with me Horan!" Louis finally voiced tiredly "I'd rather Hazza saw me looking vile and disgusting than you gawping at me!"

Niall chuckled "Just trying to be a good friend bub" 

"Did Hazza say he'd be long?" Asked Louis, feeling every inch of needy and pathetic as he sounded "I need him to look after me"

Niall looked miffed "Hey!" He exclaimed "Who was the one who carried your weak and tragic form to the bathroom and held your hair back whilst you threw up sewage?  I swear..." He turned to Zayn "This little puppy looks all cute and cuddly, but it would take a special kind of person to stick around after he'd seen that....it was like we were remaking that horror film from the 80's!"

"You could go home" muttered Louis, running a hand through his hair, wrinkling his nose up at the texture of it.

"And leave my little cuddle bunny all poorly and sick?" Niall cooed, pinching his cheeks.

"Dont leave me with him" 

Zayn smirked.  If anything good had come out of Liam's betrayal to Louis, it was that Niall had latched onto their group.  Half it seemed because he was angry at Liam and didn't want to hang out with him anymore, which was hard to shake as they were roommates.  The other half seemed to be because he'd felt bad about how Louis had been treated and wanted to him to get something out of the experience.  Although in Niall's case this involved copious drinking, followed by inappropriate and over enthusiastic showers of affection.

"Harry won't be long" Zayn promised "Go shower though Lou.  You have vomit on your neck!"

 

 

Louis dragged himself to the bathroom, and after locking the door to keep out any unwanted Nialls, he proceeded to stand under the full blast of the water.

It did feel good cascading through his hair and down his back, and after slathering himself in a good dose of Harry's favourite shower gel, he did feel a lot more human.

He hadn't liked waking up alone that morning.  There was no cuddle to crawl into, no throaty chuckle to greet him. Just the drunken memories of last night - not that there were many!

Louis quickly dressed in a pair of loose basketball shorts and a black tank top.  He was definitely going to be all about the settee and a blanket today.

Padding across the room back to the Niall and Zayn, he picked up his phone that had just lit up.  

Harry.

Louis loved getting texts from Harry, even though he knew that this one would probably be about what he wanted to eat and something cute about if he was feeling alright.

But instead...

The message opened to a picture.  Louis looked, blinked and then looked again.  What the hell was this?

Closing his eyes briefly, he backed out of the message.  Breathed deeply and then reopened his eyes to go back into the text and look at the picture properly.

But nothing had changed.

A chill penetrated the base of his spine, and just like a chip in a windshield, slowly inched it's way upwards, leaving a jagged aching crack in it's wake.

"Zayn!" He yelled out, almost bordering on hysterical, running into the living room and showing the offending picture into Zayn's face.

Louis had never seen Zayn look as pale as he did now.  But how could he not? He'd seen Harry lying helpless on the ground.  He'd seen the ugly marks on his swollen face and the blood...so much blood...

Seeing both Louis and Zayn's reaction, Niall took the phone to look too.

"Fucking hell!" He gasped "who the fuck sent you this?"

"Harry" Louis managed to choke out.  His throat was dry, so dry.  He found himself being propelled to the door, shoes being shoved on his feet.

"Come on Lou" Niall was chattering away "don't go into shock right now.  We've got to find Harry"

Louis stumbled down the stairs on autopilot.  Who would hurt his Harry.  Who would send him the picture? 

He stopped in his tracks outside the door.  He could almost smell the blood himself and threw up all over the concrete.

Hands rubbed his back.

"Zayn take him back inside" Niall instructed "He's in shock"

"No!" Louis croaked, the bile was thick in his throat but he would not be going back inside.  Harry needed him.  He needed to find Harry.  Pulling himself away from the hands that held him upright, he staggered blindly away from the apartment.  Where was he?

 

Taylor was walking to the coffeehouse when she found Harry.    Lying unconscious on the rarely used path between the main campus and the athletics dorms. 

She pulled out her phone, speed dialling her favourite number.

"what have you done?" She hissed as William answered.

"Good morning to you Miss Swift" William drawled lazily "I trust you have a good reason to be phoning me"

"I found Harry.  This was not part of the plan William"

"what are you talking about?" William did nothing to hide the faint interest in his tone.

Taylor quickly changed the call to video chat, hovering the camera over the broken man on the ground.

William's reaction was evidently full of surprise.

"what the fuck Taylor!  Is he breathing? Where are you?"

Taylor told him quickly, kneeing down besides Harry and checking for his pulse -which was thankfully still there.

"Call an ambulance and wait for me there" William commanded grabbing his coat and flying towards the door.

 

By the time William reached Taylor, Harry was in the process of loaded into the back of the ambulance.  William- ever confident and with an air of professionalism, went smartly up to a member of the crew, enquiring to where he would be taken and confirming his next of kin of what had happened.

"How could you possibly think I was behind that" he snapped at Taylor as soon atht he veircle was out of sight.

"I heard you talking" replied Taylor obstinately "I know what you had planned for Harry"

"I think you should keep your pretty mouth shut" William whispered smoothly "or you might find yourself in similar circumstances"

Taylor's eyes widened tragically, but she said nothing.

"Louis will want comforting" she pointed out sweetly "Isn't that what you wanted all along?"

William smirked. A small hint of fire behind his icy cold eyes "Someone has to be there for him" he said compassionately "Only now, I don't have to hide my inner feelings of guilt towards the proceedings"

"How fortunate for you" Taylor muttered dryly.

"Find out who did this" William commanded "Flaunt those aassets you think so highly of.  I have to go and inform a loved one of an unfortunate accident!"


	28. Chapter 28

William strode across the lawn with purpose, his mind going a mile a minute.  He had to play this right, he had expected to have longer before he was in this senario, only some ruthless (unknowingly helpful ) human had beaten him to the punch.  Literally.

Obviously, Louis had not been in his room last night.  Taylor would have mentioned it.  Or would she? She did have the tendency to act on her own free will and keep information to herself.  

How could she have overheard his plans for Harry?  Was she double bluffing him?  Or had one of his circle been indiscrete?

That however was not appropriate to think about right this second.  

Neither was searching for Louis.

William sighed.  This was the problem with having the unexpexted sprung on you.  It was fortunate that he had the brain capacity to act in the moment.  However.  It would all have the same result and Louis would eventually be very grateful that he was there.

But right now.  William needed to find Zayn.

 

Louis hadn't managed to stagger much further before he had collapsed in a faint.  Running on an empty stomach and terrified that his Harry was lying dead somewhere was more than enough to finish him off.

He was only out for a few seconds, but came too with his head in Zayn's lap whilst Niall was talking urgently on his mobile.

"Where's Harry?" He whimpered pitifully, trying to get up, but being held down by Zayn's strong, yet shaky hands.

Zayn's face was the picture of frantic.

"We're trying to find out" he told Louis as though he was trying to convince himself as well that everything would be fine "stay there for a sec.  We can't do anything if you're going to fall over again"

 

"Liam you are a fucking legend!" Shouted Niall suddenly and hung up his phone with a snap, dropping on his knees besides the two seated boys.

"it's ok bub" he told Louis as gently as possible, looking uncharacteristically serious "Word's gotten around pretty fast.  He got taken away by ambulance about ten minutes ago"

Niall looked at Zayn.  

"You can't drive can you?" He asked quickly "Only my cars over the other side of campus and this little one can't be behind the wheel in his state"

Zayn swore loudly.  "Taxi" he shrugged, carefully getting to his feet "Come on Lou" he said, indicating for Louis to climb on his back "I'll carry you"

"Dont worry" Niall insisted, trying to sound more soothing than he felt "We've found Harry and he's being taken care of"

Louis could barely hear anything apart from the sound of his own heart beat pounding in his ears.

 

"Zayn!" Shouted a loud clear voice from behind them.

Neither Niall or Zayn stopped their brisk walk, but they did look around.

"Mate we're a little busy right now" Zayn growled, not recognising the boy at all.  But Louis did.

"William?" He asked dumbly, remembering those icy blue eyes.

"It's about Harry Styles Zayn" the boy told him urgently He's been in an...."

"Yeah we know!  We're trying to get to him"

"I can drive you" 

Zayn stopped suddenly, quickly sizing the boy up "You know exactly where he is?"

"Spoke to the driver myself" was the reply "Come on, my car is closer than the taxi rank"

He looked a little closer at Louis who had hidden his face in Zayn's neck.

"Is he alright?"

"He's Harry's boyfriend" Niall chipped in helpfully jumping into the backseat of the car "Come on bub" and holding out his arms for Zayn to pass him a now shivering Louis "Of course he's not all right"

Willam's face was impassive as he hurried around to the drivers seat, Zayn already strapped into the front and looking behind him, putting a reassuring hand on Louis' knee.

"We're on our way" he promised Louis "Niall, try and keep him warm"

Niall obediently wrapped his arms around Louis, whispering words of comfort into his deaf ears, holding onto him tightly, trying to hold all his pieces together.  

Louis managed to hold it together.  Even though he couldn't feel Niall holding him, or hear the words he whispered.  He didn't feel Zayn's hand on his knee, or see the intensive gaze of William's eyes on him. All he could see was the picture, ingrained into his eye lids, tattooed on his brain, etched into his memory.  It was graphic.

Unaware that he was moving, Niall helped him into Accident and Emergency, Zayn striding ahead, with William close at his heels.  

Liam met him at the door.

"They won't tell me anything" he told them sounding frustrated "I'm so sorry I can't tell you any progress"

Zayn nodded blankly, walking straight to reception.

For the first time Louis seemed to collect his thoughts and look around, dazed and confused.

"Harry?" 

He was feeling dizzy again.  Nausea was creeping up on him, and he wasn't sure if the floor was moving of if it was him shaking.  It was so cold.  Where was Harry?  It was so very, very cold.

Niall was looking serious again.  He didn't like it when Niall looked serious.  He should be happy, and smiling and laughing.  Then there was William.  Staring at him, wearing an expression that he didn't recognise.

His stomach churned, his brain swam, he retched, yellow bile forcing it's self out of his mouth as he choked and spluttered in pain, before his eyes rolled to the back of his head and he passed out for the second time that day, only this time safely into Niall's outstretched arms.

 

 

 

"How is he?" Zayn asked, sliding around the curtain and perching on the arm of Niall's chair where he was sitting vigilantly at Louis' bedside.

"He's in and out" Niall told him tiredly "Wakes a little and gets a bit fitful and thrashes around a little calling for Harry, but he's pretty much been asleep this entire time"

"What's that?" Zayn asked, his finger tips lightly dusting the drip that was inserted into a vein in his right wrist

"Pain relief"  Niall told him, checking the bags, hanging behind his bed "And rehydration fluid "He's stopped being sick thanks to that anti nausea injection he had earlier, but they are going to do a heart trace on him later.  Poor bub.  How's Harry?"

Zayn looked down at the floor "Still out.  He looks worse than he is.  I'd better get back" he rubbed his forehead, eyes closed "I just popped out for a cig and to check on Lou.  I know it's the first thing Harry's going to ask when he wakes up"

Niall held his arms out to Zayn and pulled him into a big cuddly hug "I'll come take over the watch if you want to sleep" he offered kindly "You haven't eaten today have you?"

Zayn rolled his eyes "I'll be fine" he assured him "Would have thought this would have been harder for you.  Never seen you go for an hour without eating something!"

It felt good to laugh, even if it was at something stupid and pointless.

Zayn turned to go, but then stopped, hand on the curtain.

"Thanks" he said quietly, not turning to look at Niall.

"For what?" 

"Being here with us, looking after them"

Niall shrugged "Wouldn't be anywhere else" he said honestly, giving him a small smile.

Zayn nodded.  Hoping that Niall was able to grasp just how grateful to him he really was.

 

 

Louis was slowly drafting into consciousness.  His throat felt like it was on fire, swallowing was painful, and it was too bright to open his eyes.  He wondered what had woken him.  Low voices reached his ears.  He recognised them, but neither was the voice he wanted to hear.  Where was Harry?  Why wasn't he with him?

 

"Seriously mate, you should leave" a firm Irish lilt was saying

"I just wanted to see if he was ok" desperate, needy, whiney.

"He's just sleeping.  He'll be fine.  But you shouldn't be here" Irish was insisting.

Irish?  Niall?

"Please, just let me wait here with him?  You must need to get some sleep.  You've been here all night"  Louis was sure he knew this voice, but couldn't place it.

"Nick.  Don't make this difficult.  Lou's had a massive shock today.  We all have.  And I know Harry would be pretty pissed off if he knew you were here.  If Lou wants to talk to you, I'm sure he will call you.  But right now he doesn't need the stress of it.  Harry is his first priority, and right now Louis is mine.  Please just go"

 

Silence

 

"Tell him I came to visit him will you?"

"Of course" Niall assured him.

Louis opened his eyes a crack and saw the curtain closing behind someone.

"Of course I absolutely won't" scoffed Niall under his breath.

Louis fully opened his eyes.  The bright light made his eyes ache.

"Ha..rry?" he croaked, dry throat.  Painful.

Niall immediately was out of his chair and by his side.

"Hey!" he greeted, beaming at him "How are you feeling?"

Louis tried to speak, but there was no moisture left in his mouth.  Niall didn't need asking.  A cup of water equipped with a straw was pressed against his lips for Louis to take.  Beautiful sweet, refreshing water.

"Better?" Niall asked hopefully, placing it back on the table, and pulling his chair closer "You gave us quite a scare bub"

"Harry" Louis whispered frowning even though it made his head hurt.  Why were there tubes going into his wrist?  He lifted his left hand, trying to pull them out.

"No, no" Niall grabbed his hand and placed it back on top of the covers "Don't touch the drip.  That's making you better" he insisted gently "You've been a bit poorly"

Louis stared at him.

"I'm just going to get Zayn" Niall smiled "He's been sitting with Harry whilst I've been with you.  He's going to be so happy to see you awake" he leant over and pressed a small, caring kiss to his forehead, before leaving behind the curtain.  Louis could still feel the kiss even after he'd gone.

It could have been minutes, it could have been hours.  Louis had no idea.  

"Lou" Zayn's voice was warm and comforting as he crouched down besides him "How are you feeling?"

"Harry" Louis croacked

"That's all he's said" Niall said worried, picking up Louis' hand and gently stroking his fingers.

"Harry is going to be alright" Zayn told him, speaking slowly "As soon as you wake up properly you can come down and see him" he shared an uneasy glance with Niall "He's sleeping just like you've been.  Only he's more tired than you, so he needs more sleep"

Louis blinked, reminding Niall of an owl.

"Get some sleep" Zayn smiled at him "Niall's going to be right here with you, and I'm going to be looking after Harry for you"

A lone tear slipped down Louis' face.  Poor Harry.  He wanted to sleep next to Harry.  He wanted to look after him.

"Hey, none of that" Zayn crooned, gently wiping it away with his finger.

He began to talk, smiling, with Niall's comforting face hanging over his shoulder.  It was comforting.  And Zayn had said Harry was sleeping.  He was looking after his Harry.  Louis could sleep now.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	29. Chapter 29

The sun was deliciously warm on Harry's bare skin.  Shading his eyes with his hand he looked lazily over the lush green expanse of the meadow, enjoying how prettily blue, pink and purple wild flowers bobbed their heads in the gentle breeze.  

"Beautiful isn't it?" Louis smiled at him, materialising by his side and lying down beside him, nuzzling his nose into his hair and twisting their fingers together.  Smooth, gentle lips pressed against his, Harry melting as his tongue met Louis' gently caressing each others with practiced ease.

Louis' tanned and naked body stretched out over his torso, knees pressed on either sides of his hips, deepening their kiss.  A small sound escaped Louis' throat and Harry thought he would go crazy.  He lifted his hands to Louis' face, thumbing his cheeks gently, before sweeping his hands back through his silky hair, down the back of his neck, leaving shivers in his wake as he slid his hands across his shoulders, ghosting them across his back until he gripped tightly onto his bum, thrusting his naked crotch up against Louis' naked cock that felt heavy and so hard against his stomach.

"I want you to do everything" breathed Louis in his ear "Make love to me Harry"

Harry ran his fingers back up to his hair, his own cock twitching violently at how Louis quivered under his touch, biting down on his lower lip and then pulling it seductively between his teeth.  He pushed his head slightly away from him, looking hungrily into Louis' lust blown eyes, feeling himself fall apart as Louis swivelled his beautiful hips, grinding their cocks together, making Harry throw his head back, gasping with how much he needed to feel every inch of Louis surrounding him.

"Are you really ready?" he heard himself gasp as Louis took advantage of his exposed neck and started sucking on his pale skin.  Louis didn't answer him, instead he sat up straight, eyes smouldering, lips parted, raising himself up on his knees and pressing one hand flat against Harry's chest to steady himself, whilst using the other to grip Harry's pre come leaking cock.

Harry heard his voice moan loud and long as Louis sank straight down on it.  He could feel Louis' muscles clenching and unclenching around him, fisting the grass around him frantically thrusting his hips up, forcing himself deeper and deeper into Louis as he rode him hard and fast, sinking so far down that his balls were continuously bouncing against his ass cheeks.  Fuck.  Louis was so tight.  Every inch of him was on fire, living breathing fire that got reignited with every thrust he gave, every breathtaking gasp and wimper that echoed out of Louis' mouth.  His hands scrabbled on the ground, nails digging into the dirt before he grabbed hold of Louis' hips, holding him slightly above him, and just like an animal, growled, thrusting into him, harder, harder, faster.  Louis was panting above him, whining erratically as he pounded against his prostate, a thin sheen of sweat developing on his skin, that Harry just wanted to lick off.

"Harry! Harry! I'm coming!" Louis gasped, before throwing his head back, his already tight hole clenching, his mouth emitting a series of insatiable noises, making Harry come deep inside Louis with a loud cry, just as Louis' shot all over Harry's chest, some of it landing on his neck and chin.

Without letting Harry slip out of him, Louis leaned forward, breathlessly capturing Harry's tired, gasping mouth in a passionate kiss.

"I love you Harry" he breathed, burying his face into Harry's neck.

"I love you Louis"

Harry replied, whispering into thin air.  

The sun had set, the grass was cold.  Louis was gone.

 

 

"Ok.  Before you go in, there's a few things you should know" Niall told Louis, kneeling in front of the wheel chair he was sat in, and making sure his drip wires weren't tangled where Louis was dragging it along on its stand.

"Like what?" Louis frowned, instantly worried.

"Well" Niall shifted uncomfortably "He's not exactly woken up yet"

"Why not?" Louis demanded, his voice verging on shrill, going to get up.

"No bub" Niall gently pushed Louis back down and putting both hands on his knees "Don't worry.  He will be fine.  He just needs extra sleep, and he doesn't look like Harry right now.  But he is Harry, just remember he's going to be fine"

"I want to see him" Louis said, glaring at Niall "Please Nialler, I need to see him!" he sounded desperate.

Niall nodded and got to his feet "Come and see your boy" he smiled, and then knocked on the door.

There was a shuffle from inside and Zayn's head appeared, grinning delightedly at seeing Louis up and about, opening the door wide so Niall could push him through.

Louis breathed deeply through his nose and out of his mouth and looked down at the floor, worried about what he was going to see.  He felt two separate hands on his shoulders.

"Hey Haz, look who's come to see you" Zayn was saying happily from somewhere in front of him "I told you Lou would be coming to see you as soon as he woke up!"

Louis' head shot up, was Harry awake?

But he wasn't.  Niall pushed his chair right up to the side of Harry's bed, Louis choking back a sob as he saw his boyfriend for the first time in over twenty four hours.

He was lying on his back.  Face pointed towards the ceiling, half hidden by the oxygen mask over his nose and mouth.  Bruises mottled his skin and his hair nowhere to be seen due to the thick white bandages wrapped around his head.  Carefully he reached out, and touched Harry's hand that was resting nearest to him.

"Are you alright Lou?" asked Zayn quietly, and like Niall on his left, crouched down next to him on his right.

"I don't understand" whispered Louis on the verge of tears "Who would hurt my Harry?  What did he do to deserve this?"

"I have no idea" Zayn's voice was laced with venom "When I catch whoever did this, they are going to regret ever setting eyes on him"

"Do you want some time alone with him?" Niall asked kindly "I could do with stretching my legs"

Louis nodded, not looking away from Harry's face.  He missed Harry so much and he was sitting right in front of him.  He missed his eyes, he missed his smile, he would do anything to see one of his dimples right now.

Quietly, Niall gave Louis a quick kiss on the temple and Zayn patted him on the back before quickly shutting the door behind them.  And Louis and Harry were left alone.

Louis wasn't sure what he was meant to do.  There was a beeping coming from one of the machines that was steady and oddly comforting.  He watched as Harry's chest moved rhythmically up and down.  Standing up on shaky legs, Louis reached close to his poorly boy, feeling with his fingers for Harry's pulse on the soft skin of his neck, and once he'd found it, held them there, relieved there was a sign of life that he could feel.

"Oh baby" he murmured into the shell of Harry's ear, lips gently brushing his lobe "I love you so much, please wake up for me.  I miss you so much"

No response.  No muffled groan.  No green eyes looking into his own.  No smile of recognition.  No kisses.  No hugs.  No movement.  Nothing.

Feeling a little faint, Louis stepped back and sat down again, taking up Harry's hand in his own and leaning forward to kiss each one of his knuckles.  What if Harry didn't get better?  What if he never woke up?  What if he was left on his own again?

His chest hurt as he felt his heart rip that little bit more, tears blurred his eyes.

"Please come back to me Hazza" he begged, raising his voice, hoping it would penetrate Harry's brain and he'd hear him "Please don't leave me!"

He rubbed Harry's hand over his face, over his lips, his eye lids, wiping away the tears that just wouldn't stop flowing, before lying his head down on the bed and just cried.  He didn't care if he was loud, he didn't care that he was getting snot on the sheets.  All he cared about was that Harry was right in front of him and didn't even know that Louis was there.

 

 

"Remind me to never have children" Niall told Zayn, sitting down on a bench in the car park and waiting for him to have a smoke "I don't think I could cope with the strain!"

Zayn snorted, wisps of smoke exhaling through his nose "Have you even heard yourself talking to Louis mate?" he asked "You treat him like a child!"

"He loves it" Niall defended "Louis' allowed to like a little babying from time to time.  I would bet anything that he and Harry have a daddy kink going on!"

Zayn screwed his face up in distaste "I do not need to think about that" he insisted

Niall stretched his legs out, crossing his ankles "I used to think about it quite often" he admitted, giving the sky a smirk "Only I was Louis!  I really fancied Harry" he unnecessarily explained "I absolutely adored him"

"What changed?" asked Zayn, debating weather to smoke another one or not.

"I saw him looking at Louis" Niall laugh "And I was gutted, because I could see exactly how much he loved Louis.  I sulked over it for a good half hour!"

"Harry will be touched you spent such a long time mourning him" Even Zayn flinched at the words he'd mindlessly uttered "Uh, I mean...I didn't"

He looked shocked at himself.

Niall rolled his eyes "Calm down" he made a show of stroking circles on Zayn's back "I'm onto Louis now"

Zayn groaned, putting his head in his hands "Not you too" he muttered "Louis is not hot enough to have this many admirers"

"Ha! Not really" cackled Niall, "He's far too fiery for my taste.  You didn't see him launch himself at Liam did ya?"

Zayn shook his head "Harry told me about it though.  Sounds like he deserved it"

"too right"

Niall scratched his head thoughtfully.

"I've been thinking" he voiced "About who could have done it.  He was found by the athletics dorms wasn't he?"

Zayn nodded

"Couldn't be on the back of that report could it?  I mean, Harry presented the whole thing.  Could it be someone who wanted revenge for that?"

Zayn shook his head.  "It's got nothing to do with that"

"I don't know.  It was a risky thing to do.  Would piss off every single team and half the staff"

Zayn looked uncomfortable.

"Remember when we were waiting for Harry and Louis to come and upload it and they didn't turn up?"

"yeah and you uploaded it for them didnt you whilst they got all couple faced"

"I didn't do it" Zayn admitted quietly "Dont ask me why, I just didn't think it was a good idea"

"Did Harry know?"

"Nope.  I wasn't going to admit to it.  Was just going to blame the server or something, but they've been so wrapped up in each other they didn't notice" he shrugged "just shows what their priorities are right now and I'm relieved"

"So it was just because someone doesn't like him then" Niall concluded edgily "wasn't a mugging cos they left his wallet and phone"

"that was some twisted shit with the phone" Zayn mused, "what random would take a photo and send it to Louis of all people!"

"Someone who's pissed at Lou?  Someone who wanted to send a message to him?"

"what could Louis have done to warrant that?"

"I don't know" Zayn answered darkly "But what do we really know about him? He hasn't been around long, and the moment they get together someone randomly decided to beat the shit out of Harry and send Louis a picture of it?"

"We're decided it was deliberate then? Ok.  So who hates them both?"

"The sigmas?" Zayn offered

Niall let out a breath "Liam's a Sigma" he pointed out as if it meant something, it was clearly worrying him that his roommate could have some involvement.

Zayn reached out, and like Niall had many times before, pulled him into a hug.

"Harry will tell us" he assured him "I mean, he was there"

Niall nodded slowly, still deep in thought "Tell me everything will be fine?" he asked sadly

Zayn put on his most convincing voice, but he couldn't look Niall in the eye "Everything will be fine" he repeated.  Wishing he knew for sure that he was right.

 

 

Once he'd been able to start talking to Harry, Louis hadn't been able to shut up.  He couldn't look at him.  He hated seeing the mask, the masks, his closed eyes and non responsive mouth.  So instead, he held his hand, stroking his fingers, lay his head on the bed next to his arm, breathed in the beautiful scent that was Harry and just talked, picturing how he would look if he was awake.  He talked about his family back at home, music they loved, pictures that Harry had on his wall that he loved, how he felt about him.  How happy he was that they had met, telling him everything he had thought when they had kissed for the first time.

He heard the door open behind him.

"Louis?"

That was neither Niall nor Zayn.  So it wasn't important.

Footsteps.  Arms encircled his torso.

"Oh baby, I'm so sorry"

Louis turned around, disturbed by the unfamiliar human contact.  The arms slackened and retracted.

"Nick?"

Louis' eyes widened, he wondered where all the air in the room had gone.

"What are you doing here?" he asked in astonishment.  Why on earth was Nick interrupting his private time with Harry?

Nick pulled up a chair to sit beside him, hesitantly putting an arm around Louis' shoulders - which he instantly shrugged off violently.

"My boyfriend is right there!" he hissed angrily "Get out!"

"Louis, I'm not here to fight with you" Nick whispered sadly looking down at his feet, shifting in his chair "I just heard about what happened to Harry, and then I heard about you, and I just wanted to be here for you.  Please believe me sweetheart.  I just wanted to support you during this difficult time"

"You can support me by getting the fuck out of here" Louis spat "I do not want Harry to hear this!  He is not going to hear your nasal whining as the first thing he wakes up to!"

"How is Harry?" Nick asked carefully ignoring Louis' outburst.

"He's still asleep" Louis huffed, instantly calming as he looked sadly back at Harry, tears pooling in his eyes "He must have been in so much pain"

Nick raised his dark brown eyes to look over Harry.  He didn't look as beautiful as he did when he was on the ground.  He was too bandaged up for a start.  Obviously he hadn't done the job good enough.

"And how are you?" he asked, not at all interested in Harry's well-being, but trying to sound kindly  He reaching for Louis' hand and tried to hold it "I heard you're not doing to well"

Louis turned to him, the astonished, disgusted expression back on his face in full force.

"My boyfriend was attacked!" he spat out, clenching his fists, knocking Nick's hand away from his, at the same time trying to be as quiet as possible "My boyfriend is in hospital and he's still not awake!  I don't know why he's asleep because no one will tell me anything!  And I'm terrified that he's not going to wake up and he'll never know....never...."

Louis was exhausted, and emotional and this whole situation was just continuously punching him in the gut causing pain and confusion.  Breaking down crying was not something that was new to him, and he didn't care that Nick was witnessing it.  He was far too tired to care.  He was too angry.  

"What sweetheart?" Nick asked softly, once again ignoring his tone like he was a troublesome toddler "What are you terrified about?"  

Louis didn't notice Nick's arms wrapping themselves around him.  He was too caught up in his new thoughts about Harry.

"I'm...terrified that...he's never going to know how much I loved him" Louis hiccuped "I love Harry so much and I barely got to tell him"

Nick's toes curled with jealousy.  With a little more force that he intended, he pulled Louis towards his chest, using his fingers to wipe away his tears.

"Nick, stop it" Louis whimpered,  looking confused due to his swinging emotions, trying to pull away "Please, Harry could wake up and I don't want him to get the wrong idea"

Nick held Louis tightly, kissing his forehead "I'm just your friend sweetheart" he murmured into his skin "I just want to help my friend through a hard time.  I'm not doing any harm.  I know you Lou" he persisted "I know you're scared, I know you need someone to talk to and cry to.  I know you need someone to hold your hand, build your confidence and make you feel good again" his tone had turned husky, fingers trailing down his gown covered chest, starting to stroke his crotch "Someone needs to take care of your needs whilst your boyfriend can't.  Please let it be me love"

Louis wrenched himself away, the stand holding his drip crashing to the floor, eyes flashing dangerously "Get the fuck away from me!" he choked out "I don't want you Nicholas!  I don't need you!"  

He gestured wildly at Harry "I need him!" he cried "I need Harry!  I can talk to him and he lets me cry, and he strokes my hair and listens to me, and no matter how much of a screwed up mess I am, he still says he loves me!"

Nick stood, glowering at Harry and ignoring Louis.  But Louis was angry, stemming all his fury from the worry and pain he was feeling just couldn't stop "Harry holds my hand Nick!  Harry gives me confidence!  Harry makes me feel good every second of my sorry, sad existence of a life" he sank down onto the floor, legs unable to keep him stood upright "I live for Harry!  I live every second of every day for Harry!  I love Harry so much that you have no idea how fucking painful it feels to see him hurting!"  He gasped for breath, livid, furious, breathing fire from his words "I didn't even know what love was until I met him!  You are nothing to me Nick!  Absolutely nothing!  And I would rather just be able to spend a day with Harry than spend a thousand days with you!"

Every word spat out of Louis' mouth slapped Nick in the face and punched him in the gut.  Before he knew what he was doing, he had Louis up against the wall by the throat.

"You love me!" he pleaded desperately, squeezing his fingers around Louis' slender neck, watching him squirm and wriggle desperately.

"I...never...loved...you!" Louis wheezed, clawing at Nick's hands "You...can...hurt me..all...you...."

 

A snarl of anger echoed around the room, Nick was wrenched away from Louis and thrown across the room.  Louis sank to the ground, coughing and spluttering, wrapping his own hands around his neck, trying to ease the pain.  He heard groans, shouts, thumps of limbs against plaster.

Then silence.

Harry!

Louis dragged himself towards the bed, pulling himself up and pushing his head under Harry's limp arm, breathing him in.

"Louis?"

Strong arms gently manovered him, sitting him back into the wheelchair.

"What happened?" asked William urgently, his blue eyes blazing "What did that revolting excuse for a human do to you?"

"Has he gone?" Louis asked angrily, looking past William to look at Harry.

William nodded "He's gone" he confirmed coldly "Don't worry Louis, he won't be bothering you again I assure you"

"Where's Niall and Zayn?" he asked, sounding slightly hysterical "They said they were coming back.  Why haven't they come back?"

"Your neck!" William was staring aghast at the finger prints starting to develop on Louis' neck "He actually dared to hurt you" he growled looking slightly manic "How dare he lay a finger on you!  Maybe I should go after him and..."

"William, don't" Louis begged "I'm fine"

"Will you be alright if you stay here with Harry?" William asked carefully checking Louis over for other injuries "I think you need to be checked over.  And your meds need to be replaced"

"I promise I'm..."

He was cut off as Niall and Zayn slipped quietly into the room.

"Uh?  What's going on?" 

"Don't tell them!" Louis mouthed at William "Please don't tell them"

William watched Louis, icy blue eyes looking cold and calculating, then looked at Niall and Zayn, who were looking around aghast at the destruction around the room.  With a slight flick of his head in a nod, he agreed.

"Louis just had a little accident" he told them "Fell over and dislodged his drip"

"Bub!" Niall suddenly gasped rushing to Louis' side "What's happened to your neck?"

Louis had no idea what to say. He stared wordlessly between William and Niall.

"I'll go and find a Nurse" William assured Louis, patting his hand "That soap you've been using must have caused an allergic reaction with the way you've been scratching it tonight"

 

"What was he doing here?" Zayn asked frowning after William had shut the door.

Louis frowned, the thought occurring to him too.  What had he been doing here?

"Uh, he came to see how Harry was" he said.  It could be the truth, why else would he have come to Harry's room?

"What are you doing?" asked Louis suddenly as he zoned in on Niall fussing with his neck.

"Putting some cream on it" Niall shrugged "Hold still!"

Louis rolled his eyes, thankful that both of them had believed his lie.  He really didn't want to add any more drama into their lives.

"So?" asked Zayn, sitting down and looking expectantly at Louis "What did you and Haz talk about?"

 

 

 

Harry opened the door to his family home, throwing his keys on the side and strolling into the living room.

"Aww baby you came home!"

Arms circled him, pulling him close, hugging him so tightly he could barely breathe.

"Mummy" he gasped, tears pricking at his eyes and rubbing his face into his mothers hair "Oh mummy I've missed you so much"

He pulled away reluctantly.

"Baby we've missed you too" his mother was smiling despite her tears, playing with his hair, her eyes as fond as he remembered.

"Did I die?" he asked suddenly "Is that why I'm here?"

"No my baby boy" she assured him, pulling him into another hug that only his mother could give him "You're just in a very deep sleep, just deep enough for you to come and see me"

"I love you" she whispered in his ear

"How?" Harry full on sobbed, breath caught in his throat as he stumbled over his words "I was awful.  I killed all of you!  How can you even look at me?"

"We're always looking at you" his mother insisted "You may not be with us anymore, but we are always with you, we've seen every moment, and baby, we have never been more proud of the strong, brave, loving man you've become"

"But if I hadn't...."

"Shh" she stopped him from speaking with a finger to his lips "It wasn't your fault Harry, you know deep down that it wasn't and neither me or your father or your brother and sister will ever think otherwise.  We all love you just as strongly as we did that morning"

"Can I stay here with you?" begged Harry, clinging to his mum.

"Not so fast my darling.  You have so many amazing years ahead of you.  I know all about Louis" she added, smiling excitedly "Me and your father are so happy for you both.  He's everything we ever wanted for you and he loves you so much"

"Do you know what happens?" Harry suddenly questioned.

His mother laughed and straightened his tie "Of course I do.  What kind of mother would I be if I didn't keep an eye on my little boys life!"

"Is Louis in it?"

His mum pondered the question, tilting her head to the side deep in thought "I don't know what to tell you" she replied carefully "I know you like to be surprised.  But you know the answer as well as I do"

Harry smiled along side his mother, both showing their matching dimples "I'm going to spend the rest of my life with Louis aren't I?"

His mum said nothing, but she smiled, happy tears streaming down her face "You need to go back to him baby" she whispered "Give me one last cuddle and go back to your baby.  He's really missing you"

"I love you so much mummy" Harry cried, not wanting to let her go "I'm so sorry.  You have no idea how sorry I am"

His mother grasped his face in her hands and gently kissed his forehead, before pulling back and looking deep into his eyes "Harry Edward Styles.  You are my son and my baby and I need you to realise that what happened was not your fault.  None of us blame you.  We love you so much, and when the time is right, we'll be waiting for you, but until then, we will always be by your side.  We see everything you do.  Now go back to your Louis, because he is going to make you so happy"

"You really like him?"

"Like I said, he is everything we have ever wanted for you"

She walked him back to the front door.  He picked up his keys, but she took them from him.

"You won't need these anymore" she smiled and hung them up on the hook along with her own.  Harry also noticed that the rest of the family's keys were also there.

"Just one more thing" his mum added laughing "I never knew that you would be so taken with the name Darcy!"

"Darcy?" asked Harry puzzled "Who's Darcy?"

His mother winked at him and opened the door "You'll find out later" she smiled "See you soon baby.  I love you.  Now, just remember, it wasn't your fault and we will always be..." she touched her hand to his chest, hovering over his heart "Right there"

They embraced one last time.  Harry closed his eyes, breathing in her scent deeply, wanting to tattoo it to his memory.  He felt her disappear from his arms.  

Harry smiled to himself, feeling the sunshine on his skin again, it was getting in his eyes.

"Harry?" he heard a voice distantly call him "Harry?"

"Hazza!" 

Harry smiled again.  Hazza.  Only one person had ever called him Hazza.  He took a breath and forced open his eyes, squinting through the light, and into two cobalt orbs that were hovering over him, staring at him intently.  Something squeezed his hand tightly.

"Hazza?"

"Baby" he breathed, looking up from his hospital bed into his boyfriends face "I love Lou"

Half asleep, and slightly dazed, he looked around at the familiar faces surrounding his bed.  On his right stood Louis, holding his hand tightly and being squeezed tightly by an ecstatic looking Niall.  Zayn, looking strangely soppy and overwhelmed.

And on his right.  His mum Anne, his dad Des, his sister Gemma and his brother Edward.  His mum hadn't been lying, they were always right there with him.  He just couldn't see them all the time.  Tears gathered in his eyes as he smiled at them one last time.

Gemma blew him a kiss, his dad winked and grinned, Edward laughed at him and waved wildly, and his mum.  His mum sat there looking at him fondly, crying happy tears.

"I love you" she mouthed.  

In an instant, he was wide awake and although he couldn't see them.  He knew they were still there.

"Louis?" he whispered, his voice raspy 

"Hazza?"

"Kiss me you fool"

Louis didn't hesitate. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	30. Chapter 30

"Ouch" groaned Louis clasping his hand to his hip and glaring at the kitchen cabinet he'd just bumped into.

"you alright bub?" Niall shot out of his seat, skidding to a stand still in front of Louis as he walked back into the living room of Harry's flat to join the rest of their company.

"Im fine" louis rolled his eyes "I just bumped my hip"

Disregarding what Louis had told him, Niall brushed Louis's hand away, lifting the bottom of his t-shirt up.

"Oy!"

Niall and Louis both looked up to see Harry glaring at them for where he was laying in the recliner.

"Niall, can you stop trying to get my boyfriend naked!"

His voice softened "Come here baby" and he held out his arms, smiling as Louis squeezed past Niall and lay down beside him, letting Harry lift his shirt and then lovingly stroke the red patch of skin he found.

"Was just looking out for my bub" Niall complained, jumping over the back of the settee to sit next to Zayn, obviously sulking.

"Stop calling Louis 'my bub'!  He's my baby!" The scowl was back on Harry's face, and Zayn couldn't help but smirk at the way Harry was now protectively holding Louis close to him, as though he was afraid Niall was going to try and steal him away.

"Its nothing I haven't seen before" joked Niall "Got the full show after one of the many vomiting incidents  didn't I my little sickly bunny rabbit!"

Harry's eyes widened.

"What?" He exclaimed and looked accusingly down at Louis "when were you sick?" He demanded, green eyes clouding with concern as he bent down to kiss Louis's forehead.

Both Zayn and Louis made impatient noises.

"we weren't going to tell Harry about that you prick!" Zayn reminded Niall hitting him playfully on the back of the head.

"Oh shit! Totally forgot!" Niall replied, comically slapping his forehead with his palm "Oh well. He was sick a few times, but look!" he indicated to Louis' healthy form "He's fine now!"

"Are you really fine now?" Asked Harry gently, prodding Louis' chin with his index finger to raise his face and then kissing his lips sweetly "Or is there something else you guys have chosen to keep from me?"

The accusing glare was back as he looked at a laughing Niall and then an uncomfortable Zayn.

 

It was hard to know what to say.  Since Harry had first woken up nearly a week before, his boyfriend and two best friends had been ecstatic to see him laughing and talking.  The frustrating thing was, Harry had no idea what had happened to him.  He remembered waking up next to Louis and deciding to buy him breakfast, but he couldn't remember a thing after leaving the apartment.

It had been a mutual agreement that some things should be left unsaid until Harry was feeling better.  Then it was until he could go home.  Then it was until he had settled in.  Then they just decided he didn't need to know.

So far the list included :

The picture Louis had received.

Louis going into shock and everything that followed.

Every single one of their possible theories.

Louis had also managed to keep Nick's visit a secret.  Even from Niall and Zayn.  Even if he had needed to make up some uncomfortable lies on the spot when Zayn had cornered him, asking why the red marks where he said he had scratched himself, now looked like bruised finger prints.


	31. Chapter 31

"I still think it was you" Taylor commented breathing out a puff of smoke and watching William out of her cat like eyes "You are gaining far too much from this for it to just be a lucky accident"

William allowed her a knowing smile "Some things happen for a reason" he drawled "if you hadn't have called me at the time, there is no way I would have found my way in.  You have proved to be deceptively useful"

Taylor glared.  She hated that she had been a help in such a way.

"Any progress?" She bit

"Why are you so interested?"

Taylor laughed, high pitched and fake "Why William, you act like I don't want you to be happy!" She exclaimed "When your happiness is all I care about"

William ignored her.  He had been most pleased that he had been able to insert himself into Louis' life so cleanly.  He had already earned his gratitude by taking him and his silly friends to the hospital, earned his trust by making up a lie to cover for the untimely visit of the ex boyfriend.  William's blood boiled as he thought about how he had caught Nick holding a struggling, weak, emotional Louis by the throat at the hospital.  Had he have had more time and an accomplice then he would most assuredly treated the spineless man in the same way.  But he had the feeling that leaving Nick alone for the time being would prove useful.

 

Louis was even more delightful a boy than even he could have hoped for.  He'd spent a lot of time with him over the past week watching him, talking with him, observing how he interacted with those mindless drones he called friends.

Then there was the boyfriend.  

How could Louis be interested in Harry Styles infuriated him.  He had personal history with the boy - history Harry was unaware of, but it was there.  

William hated the way he clung to Louis, draped himself all over him, claimed all of his attention to his pathetic, needy form and not legging William get close.

However that was all set to change.  In the form of a poetry journal.  William couldn't hide his conspiring smile.  He couldn't wait to find how this turned out.

 

 

It was nine days after Harry returned home from hospital that the nightmares started.  

It wasn't like Louis hadn't had a good day.  He'd woken to his alarm with Harry's arms wrapped protectively around him, spent the hour where he should have been showering and eating breakfast, sleepily and lazily kissing his gorgeous boyfriend, before Zayn bellowed from the living room that they "should have left for class five minutes ago!"

He'd met up with William and Niall for lunch, collected Harry's new assignments from various tutors, finished two essays, played a few highly charged games of Fifa with Harry, Niall and Zayn before cuddling up to Harry in his boyfriends huge bed, kissing him until he fell asleep.

But it was as soon as he entered his dreams that every single thought he had tried hard not to think about, slithered their way to the surface of his mind.  Flashes of the picture of Harry lying in a pool of his own blood, foul tasting vomit spraying out of his mouth, Harry's swollen and bruised face, panicking as Nick squeezed his throat, unable to breathe, Harry attached to oxygen, lying still and lifeless.  Blood, vomit, pain, dying, Harry dying, Nick choking him, Harry dying.

 

"Louis!"

Louis was fighting Nick, kicking, punching, tearing at his hair!  But Nick was winning, bearing down on him with his overpowering height and muscle.

"Louis!"

Louis couldn't breathe.  The hands around his neck were squeezing tighter, bile was rising in his throat but he had no way of disposing of it. He could see Harry lying helplessly on the ground.  He couldn't shout out, he couldn't move.  He was being held down....

"Louis!"

 

Louis' eyes shot open as he finally wrenched himself out of the hands that held him down.  He was hot, so hot, drenched in sweat, gasping for breath, eyes wide open in fright, but not seeing anything.

"Louis!"

Hands were on his shoulders, arms were wrapping themselves around his torso from behind.

"It's alright baby, it was just a dream" 

Raspy, soothing, languid tones pricked a hole in the horrifying bubble of his brain, letting the poisonous thoughts leak out.  Louis sat hunched, breathing hard, clutching at Harry's warm arms.

"You're safe here baby, I've got you" Harry whispered in his ear, pressing their cheeks together, raising a large hand and sweeping his sweaty fringe out of his eyes "You just had a bad dream, I won't let anything hurt you" 

Harry tried not to panic as he felt Louis tremble and shiver in his arms, his breathing was slowing, but it still sounded like he was close to becoming lightheaded.  Very carefully, trying not to scare him, Harry moved, easing his long legs around his baby from behind, pulling him back into his chest, holding him closely, feeling the rapid pumping of his heart under the palm of his hand.

"Come back to me baby?" he pleaded "Please say something?"

"Harry!" Louis squeaked, turning around abruptly in his arms, kneeling up and frantically smoothing his finger tips over the fading bruises on his cheeks and temple, urgently searching his eyes "Harry I need you!  Don't leave me!"

Wordlessly, Harry bundled Louis into his arms, sliding down, dragging Louis with him until they were safely cocooned under the thick duvet covers.

"I love you so much Lou" Harry whispered pressing kisses all over his pain stricken face "I'm not going anywhere baby"

Harry winced as Louis clung onto him, wrapping his legs around his hips, nuzzling into his neck.  Breaking his heart with every sniffle that came out of his mouth.  So he rocked him, whispered in his ear promises he was desperate to keep, wondering if Louis would even hear the words he was saying.

"Touch me"

"What?"

Louis surged forward to roughly kiss him whilst grabbing his hand and pushing it lower and lower down his stomach, until his finger tips grazed the waist band of his boxers.

"Babe? he asked, uncertain of what Louis wanted him to do, breath catching as Louis launched an assault on his neck.  It wasn't something they talked about, the most intimate Harry had even been with Louis had been in his dreams, never wanting to push Louis too fast, just enjoying and feeling gratified for every single touch, kiss and caress Louis let him give.

"Touch me!" Louis broke away to beg again, taking his hand, slower this time, and pushing it past the waistband.

Harry's breath shuddered as for the first time, Harry touched Louis' length skin on skin.  His skin was so soft, yet it was rock solid, practically pulsing from within.

"Please Harry!" Louis persisted, forcing Harry to wrap his long fingers around his thicker than average cock "I need you to touch me, I need to feel you touch me"

Harry couldn't resist any longer.  One hand experimentally sliding up and down his length, the other tugging his boxers over the delicious swell of his ass, letting his cock finally spring free.  Louis had began kissing Harry, tongue licking desperately into his mouth, moaning into his lips, snapping his hips back and forth, thrusting into his hand, clutching onto Harry's shoulders so tightly, that his nails were beginning to embed into his skin.

"Baby you feel so good" Harry breathed.  Louis whimpered in his arms, whole body twisting and jerking erratically, heat pooling in his stomach, knowing he wouldn't be able to last long.  Harry's hand was big, holding him with just enough grip, twisting his wrist every so often, teasing his balls by giving them tiny squeezes.  With a long drawn out moan, Louis fucked up into Harry's hand, reaching the peak of the wave before something inside him exploded and he let out the most beautiful cry Harry had ever heard, eyes rolling, head thrown back, ribbons of white shooting with built up force all over Harry's bare stomach, trembling as Harry pulled him into his arms, kissing every inch of his face, running his hands over his shoulders, through his hair, whispering how much he loved him, how much he needed him, how beautiful he looked.

Rolling him onto his back, pressing into his side, leaning over him, Harry stroked his cheek, slowly licking into his beautiful mouth which was smiling slackly.

"I love you Lou" he murmured between kisses, hoping that this wasn't another dream.

"I love you Hazza" whispered Louis sleepily, pulling him down so that he was sprawled on top of the smaller boy "You're everything I've ever wanted" 

 


End file.
